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Anorexia Bulimia Care
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Binged for first time in ages since restricting

I have atypical Anorexia and have been restricting my diet for quite some time and whilst my family say I look too thin my weight is ok for my BMI and I just don’t think I look thin. I want to be slimmer, but I can’t seem to shift the weight despite hours at the gym and two small meals a day. Today I had a massive slip up and have binged quite badly, I wanted sweets and chocolate and I just caved. Now I feel so ashamed and guilty and bloated and sick and I hate myself. I’m terrified this one binge will make me put weight on so I want to exercise and restrict more. I hate myself for bingeing.

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I expect you realise that your shame and guilt is way out of proportion. You have just made a single slip on the path to good health. Pick yourself up and carry on. Warmest good wishes.

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I think you need some help. The diet you describe and the amount of exercise is having its tole on you - your family have noticed - anorexia is really good at telling you you need to be thinner - and the binge is a result of your restrictions - rather than worrying you'll gain weight from the binge you need to focus on getting help for the anorexia - it is an illness and needs treatment so please do seek some help - either via your GP or via the ABC helpline. Binge starve cycles are extremely unhealthy as are restrictive diets and over exercise so please don't leave it as things spiral out of control very quickly - I have years of experience and speak from this perspective.

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Thank you for your advice! Some days I really feel I need help others I worry I’m making a fuss. I’ve been referred to ED support but still waiting the assessment. Trying to help myself in meantime. I’m scared though to not be able to exercise anymore as I do enjoy it! Just need to not use it as compensatory behaviour. I ate so much yesterday I hate myself and now I want to restrict. I just want to be free.

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Good luck with the referral. Take one day at a time - the over eating was yesterday - today is a new day.

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