I really don't know how yo start this post, but i suppose i should start with this:
I am a 15 year old white girl (how very typical). I believe to be of average weight and height, although after dieting for a while, l began to view myself in a distorted light. Prior to dieting, i hated my body and myself. I was the chubbiest in my class, i payed very little attention to my appearance because of the negative thoughts i struggled with. My entire family decided on dieting together, since we all were overweight. A family friend visited us one day and set us towards the path of dieting. He was very condesending and harsh towards me in particular, as he had not seen me in about two years and i had gained weight and hit puberty during that time. He was disgusted but worst of all, he was horrified. He thought l resembled a woman, not a little girl. His words deeply hurt me but i knew they were true. That's why they hurt. So, ever since then, i decided to change. The 2 of June, 2018, was when my life changed forever. The diet had begun. In the course of a month, i had lost quite a bit of water weight, as you do. I still felt no different. I kept on losing and losing until i "finished" the diet and reached my ideal weight. But that would not be the end. For a while, l was doing quite well. Eating what i wanted and all..until my father saw my plate during breakfast one day. He said, almost panicked: "Isn't that too much? I think you should try and eat less". Which i mean, he wasnt wrong per se but the way he sounded was the worst thing. So i developed intenese fears and rules, founded on the words others said, the way people behaved. I saw my skinny beautiful cousin and got intensly jelous of her. I decided to stand up for two hours after every meal per day. I heard my father that eating slowly will lead to better absorbion of the food, so l decided to eat each meal very slowly. I fasted, i waited 4 hours precisely between lunch and dinner(most times, i very often skipped breakfast or dinner, but lunch was impossible as i ate with my family)
The point is, i have recently moved away from home. These behaviour have admittedly gotten much worse. I ate nothing for dinner, an egg for breakfast and dinner i never finished my plate. I couldnt keep it up, because my mother and sister were getting very annoyed, though my father supported my decisions. At first at least. Now, i eat better. Still not enough but i try to keep within 300-400 kcal at most. But i have apparently lost quite a bit of weight during the time i have been in this new country i currently reside in. I feel lightweighted, my bones wont allow me to feel comfortable whenever i lie down on my side or sit down, my knees hurt and i have been awfully moody. But i do not view myself as skinny, even though l am told otherwise. Perhaps i am dealing with body dismorphia although l am not sure. But there is a part of me that knows something is TERRIBLY wrong and that i need to do something right now to help myself out. But, when i told my mum a piece of the pain l have been experiencing, she claims i am not sick, that i am stressing her and instead of being a helping hand to our immigration, i am only pulling everyone back by causing trouble when there is none. I am completly lost on what i should do. Please, if by any chance you have any advice, help me out. I would love to read your replies.
