Am I "sick enough"?: Hi everyone, I'm... - Anorexia Bulimia ...

Anorexia Bulimia Care
2,881 members1,324 posts

Am I "sick enough"?

Hi everyone, I'm new here and I've been thinking about reaching out for advice for sometime but I've been frightened lol

I'm 14 years old, 5'3 and I weigh roughly around 8st, which is about a normal weight I believe - but I really don't have a good relationship with food.

I restrict myself to 800-900 calories a day, and I try to eat as minimally as possible at breakfast (sprinkle of cereal and almond milk) and lunch (couple bits of bread) as my dad cooks some really calorific dinners (in my eyes).

Luckily I recognised I had an issue back in early October (this all started around mid-September, so I haven't been struggling for long) when all I was living on was porridge, lentil soup and apples. I've been given a diet plan so I can get all my essential nutrients back, and I don't exercise anymore (I used to do an hour of cardio a day, but I don't have the energy anymore).

Anyway, I've been ignoring my diet plan as whenever I drink milk (which comes up often), I feel seriously sick, so my parents have advised that I don't drink that much of it as I may have developed an intolerance. This has led to me just ignoring half the other things on my plan - I'm restricting again, I have an urge to exercise, and I feel suicidal. Again.

I know I don't suffer from any eating disorders specifically (at least, I think), but I know my eating is disordered, if that makes sense?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I really don't want to slip back into how I was last month x

3 Replies
oldestnewest

I’m a recovering anorexic and I also don’t feel sick enough, to the point where I’m actively trying to land myself in hospital so that I can prove that I’m ‘sick enough’.

Now, because I’m like you, you’d think that I can’t really provide great advice on this, but when I support people, my logic takes over. So here goes.

There is no such thing as ‘sick enough’. Sick is sick. Perhaps there’s ‘sick enough’ like if you have a cold, you can go to work, but if you have a fever, then perhaps that’s ‘sick enough’ to miss work. But for mental health, it does not exist. Disordered eating is the beginning of an eating disorder if not dealt with soon. And let me tell you, you do not want to fall into an eating disorder. They’re terrible. Absolute hell. Even though I’m bent on driving myself deeper into anorexia, I still think it’s terrible.

You need to get help before this disordered eating spirals out of control. If this develops into an eating disorder, chances are you won’t want to reach out and get help. So do it now, whilst you want to. Is there someone you can tell, like a friend, relative, GP, doctor, support worker?

The very best of wishes,

-sliverofsilver

Reply

I don't know who gave you the meal plan - but suggest you return to them and ask to make changes to allow for the milk issues. I too struggle with milk - but find cooked milk ie custard is OK. I also manage rice pudding - and can have yoghurt - so perhaps that could work for you.

Reply

I read your story. I believe you have the onset of Anorexia. I too was 14 when it attacked me. I suggest you get mental health asap before it takes your whole life. It will consume your whole life. It starts out by food, excessive exercise, voices in your head, etc. I have had this illness for most of my life. I am now 56 years of age. If you read my story, you will understand. This is the most deadly of all mental illness. You can recover just like me and many others. Since you are young and not full blown Anorexic like me and others, get help now. Mental therapy and mental doctors. It will continue (the illness) until you are a victim to it. It is a monster within your mind. Its goal is to destroy your mind and body. Please do not let it take you. It has taken me going on 6 years of therapy and mental doctors to recover. I continue to go every 2 months. I will be a lifer, I'm sure. I was never put into a hospital. I never sought help until six years ago come Jan. 2019. The reason for my continuing treatment is to keep me recovered. There is no shame in treatment. The strong ones ask for help. I explained in a previous post, I have remembered why I became ill in the first place. I had repressed everything about my past until I began treatment. I first had to eat so many calories to get better. Those calories and weight I put on fed my brain. As treatment went on, it was time for my mind to heal. That healing took me back to my childhood rape by my father. My parents were married 40 years. My mother was a saint. I WOULD NOT TRADE HER FOR ANY OTHER MOTHER. She is soon to be 82 and alive. My father died at 66 years of age in 2005. I was raped as I now remember everything of my past. Those memories were locked in my head but totally repressed. The treatment, I had to start in the basement and work until I reached the upper level. I did just that. That was the journey I had to take to get better-recover from a lifelong mental illness(Anorexia). I could write all day about my past abuse but not that much space LOL. That is the reason I wrote a small book to explain my past and how it caused me so much trauma that I became mentally ill. Anorexia is not about thinness-it is a coping mechanism. When I couldn't control what abuse I was going through, I could control my food intake. It is about control. If I starved, I was powerful and in control. That is a lie from the eating disorder in your head. This is a lie from your Anorexia. I will not let my father nor my past mental illness win this war. I was once a victim of childhood rape and Anorexia. I am now not a victim to either. I AM A SURVIVOR. Now, why should I allow my father and Anorexia to take my life? My mental doctors told me. Those who repress their painful memories, try to commit suicide when they begin to remember. She wasn't not trying to harm me. She was forwarning me. You be strong and process each painful memory as they come. Process them and release them one by one. LET THEM GO. Suicide is not the answer for anyone under any situation. Look at it this way. People die from natural causes and accidents. It is painful enough for our loved one whom we live behind. It is far far far worse for a death by suicide. Our loved ones will always wonder what could they have done to prevent this horrible death. Remember this, suicide is never the answer. Treatment is recovery and my treatment has given me life even at 56 yrs. of age. Never too late-it is worth every bit of treatment. I must say this is the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. Free from Anorexia, the cruel voices it says and my abuse. I went to my father's grave four years ago and verbally told him "I forgive you for making me ill at 14 and most all my life". That forgivness took a big boulder off of my shoulders. The forgiveness is not for the one that hurt us. Forgiveness is for YOU. I am free now that I forgave my father for raping me as a small child for many years. I am set free. Be strong seek help before you are full blown Anorexic just like I was and many other. LOVE YOU AND BE STRONG. YOU TAKE CONTROL AND TELL ANOREXIA TO TAKE A HIKE.

Reply

You may also like...