New here

[Brindle-01]

Hi am new here. I have suffered from eating disorders since I was at school and uni. I am now 42years. I have partially recovered and blamed the wrong things as the cause and relapsed a few times. The truth is that I really don't know why I keep getting ill. I would love to figure out what is the real reason and be rid of this .

[crazycrossstitcher]

Have you had any counselling support? I started my problems at about the same time as you - and am now 58 and still struggling - although better than I was. I have had counselling which has helped me look at issues in my life which did help sort some things out. But - and this is just a personal comment/view - I think much of my problem is now "habit" and the fact anorexia has been "my life" for so many years. I'm having to gradually learn that if I want to recover I have to break the habits - I have to eat what my dietician prescribes - and come to terms with/accept increases in weight - which is hard but if my goal is to improve/recover - I am informed by "professionals" - and by studies and a number of recovery stories - that once you get to a certain level of weight restoration - mentally you are in a much better place to look at issues and to truly get better. Hope this helps - but I'm here and can share your journey as a long-term sufferer of "more mature" years!!!

[Brindle-01 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Hi there went to start CBT last Thursday liked the therapist she seemed to read me well. Will go again. Also my mental health team is sending me for a psychological assessment tomorrow to see if they can help. I am a bit nervous as things seem to be moving fast. I want this but it hard. I is almost as if my problems have become part of my identity or if you like an old friend albeit an abusive one. It can be hard to let go completely. I think that this could be part of the problem. It is always there to go back to when times are tough. I have no idea how I am going to overcome this but I need to give it a try if I am ever to be happy which I don't ever remember being. How are you? Sorry to go on about myself so much. I would really like to hear more about you and offer what support I can xxxx

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to Brindle-01]

Glad the CBT went well - I had CBT and found it helpful with my habit breaking as well as coping strategies - unfortunately due to finances the mental health service pulled it after 4 sessions! I understand the identity thing - I once thought strip the anorexia and what's left? But talking things through I realised that the ED is no me - but an illness - I am a person in my own right - and just as a broken leg does not identify you - nor does anorexia - life's short - so take this opportunity to get your life back. Thanks for asking about me - that's kind - we moved a year ago so I lost all support - having got a referral - I have a dietician after 7 months but am still no further on getting the counselling to go with it - and we're nearly a year down the road now - so I am trying hard to eat according to my meal plan - but without the counselling support I'm finding it a lonely and hard struggle to keep going with the changes she's making.

[Brindle-01 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

So sorry to hear that. I think that you are very brave continuing with your nutrition without that support. I know how hard it can be. You should give yourself a lot of credit for continuing to challenge your illness. I find you to be very inspiring and you have certs given me hope. I have been arguing with myself about how this appt is going to go tomorrow as it is just an assessment. There is no guarantee to be taken on. I believe that you are going to make it you sound so motivated. Please let me know how I support you back . Meal plans and changes are hard I am not daft keen on change but I have to say as I have gotten older I have been able to enjoy it more and view change as a challenge. There is nothing I like more than a challenge. I love giving my all 150 % lol. Breaking this cycle will be the biggest challenge of my life. It sounds as if you are challenging yourself as well. Feel free to reply anytime and let me know how you are. I would love to know how you are getting on xxxx

[lillyofthevalley37]

hi I also wanted to find the root of anorexia and I found that praying had a surprising effect I'm Christian I suppose all religions have the same effect idk but anorexia does seem to have an extra element / dimension to it of a spiritual nature I know some people are even suggesting anorexia is caused by demons which seems a step too far I read this which is interesting although I'm not sure I believe it

fightingthedemonanorexia.wo...

[puglove0093]

I agree that you should seek medical help! That would be the best place to start, especially if you can't figure out why it keeps happening. I am praying for you!

[Brindle-01 in reply to puglove0093]

Thanks. I came home yesterday to an appt with a psychologist. I didn't even know I had been referred. I will go and see what they think xxxx

[art62grammie]

I thank you for replying to me. You and I know Anorexia and Bulimia are usually caused by something. Maybe not in every case. I have learned enough in almost six years of treatment, it was Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome for me. I posted earlier that we need to rely on our mental doctors to help us. They will finally get to the bottom of any underlying issues. That is the beginning of recovery. Once I worked from the bottom and upwards I found my reason for the beginning of my Anorexia. Going through the process of repressed each memory of my childhood sexual abuse is painful. I would not be here today if I had not got treatment. I was dying from my illness. No matter how painful. How emotional you may become. Recovery is well worth the repressed memories. I live free from my illness. I live free to choose what I eat and do. No freaking ANOREXIC VOICE CONTROLS ME ANYMORE. No more horrible memories of the abuse make me ill. I have processed each memory and forgave my abuser, which was in a cemetery dead. That forgiveness was for no one but ME. That day I forgave him was FREEDOM. FREEDOM FROM ANOREXIA AND ETC. I AM FREE. LOVE YOU. BE STRONG. KEEP UP THAT FIGHT. YOU CAN RECOVER. JUST AS I HAVE.