I can't get myself to want recovery Moore than my eating disorder

[Dearesterin]

I went to treatment and I feel like my eating disorder is worse now than before. I'm having a power struggle with my weight and I feel like I have to do anything I can to fix the weight I gained I'm treatment. I've working on a self help workbook, read self help books, pray about it- but at the end of the day I can't stop. My boyfriend is getting angry with me because purging is waste of money and a waste of his energy when he cooks. He doesn't see any progress all he sees is when i fail and I don't know how to explain to him that when I put all the energy into trying to fight an eating disorder I like having then its discounted by a slip. It makes me feel like there is no point in even trying he's going to be upset with me either way. Its extremely disturbing .

[crazycrossstitcher]

Understand how you are feeling - my husband doesn't have a clue about my ED and how tough and exhausting just fighting it can be - without trying to make changes or go out for meals etc. Its so hard and isolating so I do empathise with you. However, I would suggest you seek some help - ABC have a helpline and befrienders and I found them fantastic. Doing it alone is really tough - and from my experience doesn't work - so do return to your counselling and really tell them what's going on. Purging is so damaging to your body - if you just set yourself small goals and build on them - just keep cut one purge out (depending on whether its after every meal - once a day etc) - the build on this. EDs need treatment just like a broken bone - you wouldn't put the plaster on yourself - or expect it just to get better without medical help - the same with the ED - you need professional help - so don't beat yourself up - but also don't give up the battle - your worth more than the ED.

[joanna21]

Hi , I think your bf needs to read up/research eds then he might get a better understanding of what you are going through & how hard it is. My husband & I had to do that in order to support our daughter. We are several years in now & we are now her main support. Her weight is maintained.She still has many struggles but we had a lovely positive last week when she told us that she had not been sick that day for the first day in years.We already have strategies in place to help her with purging - ie sitting with her for at least an hour after mealtimes & providing distractions but we were aware she still purged (even tho up to last week she always denied it) .Recovery is a very long process, it is achievable but you definitely need support ,it is too much to do on your own. With love xxx