I just bought a pair of jeans that I’m a size eight in this didn’t exactly bother me but I am normally a 0-2 or uk 4-6 I know it’s not important and I feel a bit proud to have gained but I know I still have weight to gain so I’m feeling a bit anxious about gaining more now all my voices are telling me I don’t need to if I’m a size eight I MUST be a healthy weight , this is more just a rationalization if my thoughts wondering if anyone has had simulare experiences
Fear if gaining : I just bought a pair... - Anorexia Bulimia ...
It’s so hard when your almost there to not get stuck in a sense of semi recovery because you know your healthy ish but not quite there and that’s the fear of losing the eating disorder I think it’s like being in a bad realationship it tells you that you are nothing without , it it tells you that you can’t live without it, your eating disorder tells you that you need it to survive to cope and to hold on , but we need to remind ourself I think that our eating disorder is a bad realationship holding us back and we all know people are always better when they finally let a bad realationship go
Right, I feel like giving up and giving in to the voices and not eating but i know that i have to so im not underweight and back to being healthy. Thats what i tell myself everytime that i eat and feel guilty. It will be worth it in the long run. And ya i think having that eating disorder around to help cope is good but soon we have to let go of it and be cut loose from it.
Great you've recognised where the voice is coming from - and that you know that you still need to gain weight. Are you getting any help during recovery - if so talk to your therapist about the voice - if not I suggest you seek help - counselling etc. ABC also have a helpline and befrienders so do access this. Keep hold of the sense of victory you've had for gaining weight so far - look at your target/goal and focus on that. ED voices try to turn you round and take you back down again - I have a meal plan and weight target written down clearly on paper so that every time the voice shouts at me I go back to the paper and focus on that telling the voice its just a liar and wants to take my life back - you are precious and can beat this - keep hold of your recovery plan and do get support to help you with that.