Fear if gaining

[Alittlelost]

I just bought a pair of jeans that I’m a size eight in this didn’t exactly bother me but I am normally a 0-2 or uk 4-6 I know it’s not important and I feel a bit proud to have gained but I know I still have weight to gain so I’m feeling a bit anxious about gaining more now all my voices are telling me I don’t need to if I’m a size eight I MUST be a healthy weight , this is more just a rationalization if my thoughts wondering if anyone has had simulare experiences

[shortstack016]

Ya Ive been hearing voices recently that would tell me the same thing. That im a good weight and i dont need to eat anymore. And ya gaining more weight sounds kinda scary to me.

[Alittlelost in reply to shortstack016]

It’s so hard when your almost there to not get stuck in a sense of semi recovery because you know your healthy ish but not quite there and that’s the fear of losing the eating disorder I think it’s like being in a bad realationship it tells you that you are nothing without , it it tells you that you can’t live without it, your eating disorder tells you that you need it to survive to cope and to hold on , but we need to remind ourself I think that our eating disorder is a bad realationship holding us back and we all know people are always better when they finally let a bad realationship go

[Alittlelost in reply to Alittlelost]

This is what I have been telling myself anyway because ye I’m scared too xx

[shortstack016 in reply to Alittlelost]

Right, I feel like giving up and giving in to the voices and not eating but i know that i have to so im not underweight and back to being healthy. Thats what i tell myself everytime that i eat and feel guilty. It will be worth it in the long run. And ya i think having that eating disorder around to help cope is good but soon we have to let go of it and be cut loose from it.

[crazycrossstitcher]

Great you've recognised where the voice is coming from - and that you know that you still need to gain weight. Are you getting any help during recovery - if so talk to your therapist about the voice - if not I suggest you seek help - counselling etc. ABC also have a helpline and befrienders so do access this. Keep hold of the sense of victory you've had for gaining weight so far - look at your target/goal and focus on that. ED voices try to turn you round and take you back down again - I have a meal plan and weight target written down clearly on paper so that every time the voice shouts at me I go back to the paper and focus on that telling the voice its just a liar and wants to take my life back - you are precious and can beat this - keep hold of your recovery plan and do get support to help you with that.

[Alittlelost in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thank you so so much for this and the tips to have a clear goal that is actually so helpful even writing it down is impowering xx