So let's do this from the beginning.
So I'm 13. My parents recently moved me across the world, and this put me into depression.I am always sad, and I have wanted to end m life on multiple occasions. My family is really jacked up, and my parents don't care I feel this way. I tried telling them, and they said "push the thoughts out, and be happy." A few months ago, I started noticing all my flaws, and I noticed how ugly and fat I was. Then I started a diary. I wrote thinspo poems, and wrote down just, everything. I had goal weights, and I read every book, and watched every movie about weight and body image. I started purging after I ate. but then, my mom found my diary, and called me ungrateful. So I stopped purging because it was to loud. So I tried getting better, but I cant stop thinking about food, and my weight, and I cry literally every time I look in the mirror. Now, I just avoid my food, and try to eat as little as I can. I only purge sometimes when I'm eating dinner, and I am really full, and I want more. So I excuse myself, I purge, and then I eat more. I even have a meal plan and everything. I can't stop thinking about not eating and my weight. I'm not bad enough to have an eating disorder, and I don't avoid food enough. I give in too quickly to have one.