Hi. Okay so im going to start from the beginning.
At first i stopped eating because i wanted to die.
However when i came back to eating nothing tasted nice anymore...
Then i went on holiday and saw how good my sister looked compared to me.
Right then and there all my t-shirts suddenly felt to small for me - clinging onto my stomach and made me look fat.
So after i got back i decided not to eat. Id only live of milkshakes..
However then things changed and i started binging...
Everyone thought i was only drinking milkshakes but i think they caught on.
I was eating everything from frozen food. Dried noodles and raw pizza. I would also eat butter from the pot with sugar.
Baegles. Cakes. Frozen food. Biscuits. Chocolates. Waffles. Peanutbutter from the jar. The lot.
I would go into the kitchen with my shoulder bag and hide them. Then get rid of the rubbish the next day.
Thats when i started buying sweets like mad. If go ouf with a support worker and just buy toms of food then store them all in a bag.
Around easter time i had eaten like ten easter eggs secretly.
Then one of my support workers said "youve gained weight. No offence" also i got told "eat something or you will be diagnosed with an eating disorder that you dont have" i was also told that if i wasnt careful id end up in a mental health place on a tube. (I had no idea what an eating disorder was so it made me look up on youtube and that became a regular thing)
I would eat sweets and then try to purge but failed every time apart from once and it became addictive.
This went on for months but then i moved out. I was determined to stol binging... so at first i was buying pringles and eating them by the tube and drinking lots of otange juice.
Then somehow buying sweets stopped and thats when i was having nothing...
People would try to get me to eat but they couldnt...
This still goes on.
I started drinking water with powdered flavours in for ages. However thays when i got into purging. Id force a whole bottle down and then make myself sick. Id purge 6-12? (Cant actually remember) a day every day and it got addictive.
At first id buy chocolates and purge but it just became my flavoured water.
Then after months of doing it i physically couldnt do it anymore.
I then went onto having a smoothie amd a milkshake on Saturdays - sundays... and would run on the treadmill for half an hour. Then it still didnt feel enough...
Then i stopped that.
However one time i refused to drink so was sent to hospital for five weeks. Then tube fed too. I HATED it!!
Long story short - now i obsessively weigh myself every day and now even do it at 1 in the morning. Sometimes latet sometimes earlier...
I weigh myself more than once every day and am always scared if i gain just a pound.
I havent eaten in months but my parents were making me drink milk. That went on for months and i hated it because i would always gain weight.
I then moved onto orange juice but that didnt last long as i was still gaining weight. My oarents didnt like that i moved onto that anyway.
One week i got up to 7 stone and it crushef me so i stopped talking...
Now i weigh myself every day. Count every single calorie and weigh 5 stone 9. Im 4 foot 9 so im underweight. I love it!
However now im even scared to drink water as it will cause weight gain so i only drink a sip for my medication. Even then i get scared still.
Ive been threatened to be sent back to hospital but i dont want to!
My parents make me drink milky coffee and stuff like that and i feel horrible!!
They say i look like a skeleton but i think they are lying because my bones dont show and im FAT!
My parents really piss me off.
So do you think i have anorexia. Sorry for rambling on!!!