Anorexia Bulimia Care
2,453 members1,210 posts

Crash and burn

And it all come crashing down. I’ve been good, maybe too restricted but I need the control I need to feel in control and when I feel I’m loosing it with everything around me food helps me. It’s not always the healthiest choice but it’s what I need.

But this weekend, I have had a big family meal with my brothers and everyone, it was lovely, but I hated every minute. Big family meal= lots of food. And being expected to eat lots of food!

I feel gross now but it’s my lack of self control that is even worse!! I didn’t want to eat all the dinner, but I did. it was like I needed to- a binge I was on the verge of losing it. Totally utterly loosing it!

I’m a gross disgusting fat mess.

7 Replies

I feel a lot of guilt after binging too. I've been having a very good time for a while, thought I might finally made some real progress to recovery... To now find myself in a worse situation than mostly with almost daily binging and purging.

I try to tell myself, today is a new day, yesterday is the past already and can't be changed anymore anyway. Do your best today...


You probably didn't eat as much as you think you did - and binging by your standards may be a normal "party" meal for others. I suggest you need some help around identity and food - are you seeing anyone - if not I think a trip to the GP and a request for referral to an ED specialist is probably a good idea - ABC has a helpful website and a phone line you could also look at.


I went for a 6.5k run today, so feeling a bit better about myself. But still hate that I let my guard down yesterday. I’ve booked to see my GP bu he’s away on holiday this week so won’t be until

Next week I won’t see anyone else Its taken almost a year to build up my trust in my doctor.

I don’t need an ED referral im too fat to have ab eating disorder really, just use food to help gain control.


Its the fact you are using food to gain control that suggests you have an ED - having an ED is not weight or fatness determined - its about your relationship with food and your body image - so do tell your GP what's going on and how you are feeling around food etc - the ABC website/phone line might give you more insight.


I can’t fu*#ing help myself! And now I’ve ended up arguing with my husband who said I’m being silly and that I should be happy I’m lucky to have my life and to pull my self together then he sat and put chocolates in front of me. Told me I wasn’t going anywhere until I ate them.

It’s just chocolates i hate this.

1 like

I'm sorry mn15, but that's emotional abuse.

Please listen to the advice of "crazycrossstitcher" she knows what she is talking about in regards to EDs. xx

1 like

So sorry about your husbands response - I know my husband finds it very difficult to comprehend my struggles - he sees me needing to gain weight - that requires food - so why don't I just get on with it and eat? I think anyone who has not had this sort of problem finds it extremely difficult to get their head round it - but I think your husband's response was very inappropriate - maybe born out of desperation to know how to help you - a knee jerk reaction. Please do seek help from your GP and an ED

specialist - you really do need the support of people who know the battle you are in and the seriousness of the illness you are suffering from - and it is an illness and therefore does need treatment.

1 like

You may also like...