Friends Pressuring

Hi all.

Today I went out for coffee with about 10 or so of my friends. I wasn't planning on getting anything, just drinking bit of water. Then they decided that they were going to buy me something to drink and were all secretive about it.

They ended up buying me any orange juice and kept trying to make me drink it. I made a joke out of it and all. I never did drink it but do you have any advice on how to stop them pressuring? It just made me feel uncomfortable.

A few of them even went on to say that they would love to have my body and that I would look even better if I put some fat on. Is that rude?

Thanks lovelies.xx

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Hello,

I think maybe talk to your friends and explain what is going on. I understand it from your friends perspective - they are worried about you and so want to do anything to help and that is making you drink / eat. However, their versions on what they think will help you might not necessarily and this may be where the discrepancy is so maybe you need to tell them what you want/ need from them. I.e. that it doesn't help them making you drink.

Also, at the same time, you need to let them know that telling you it would be nicer to get a little 'fat' most definitely isn't helpful. I think, from their perspective, it isn't rude and they are just trying to be honest and they are concerned. But you need to let them know that it may not help. That it isn't merely a case of gaining weight, you need to heal psychologically as well. Maybe send them links for online sources if you don't know what to say?

Hope this helps! xx

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Thank you!

I have tried to tell them before, if it does happen again I will talk to them.

Thanks again xx

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Hope you are getting some help for the ED - clearly your friends felt they were trying to help you as they see you needing to gain weight and are doing their best (probably not in the best way) to try to help you. It is, after all, fairly normal to have a fruit juice rather than just water to drink - it wasn't as though they were giving you alcohol etc and trying to get you drunk. If you restrict food and drink you should consider getting some help from an ED specialist. You could also try talking to your friends - or perhaps the one in the group you are closest to - and explaining how their comments and actions made you feel to help them understand things from your perspective.

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Thank you.

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Hi dear

I think your friends are just worried about you. They want you to enjoy yourself and be healthy inside and outside. To you ofc the juice was an enemy but they were just trying to help you with it.

Definitely when you are on the spotlight among such a big crowd, it feels very uncomfortable and pressuring. I think you should first thank them for help but honestly tell them that you didn't feel comfortable with what they did and they shouldnt do it again. People who don't suffer from ED can't really understand what we are going through. We actually want to drink that juice but we can't.

However, sometimes you should just have mercy on yourself and enjoy by allowing yourself to drink that juice or eat some snack. In the end of the day your goal is to heal and get better right? ED is never gonna give you what you want. It will just kill you because nothing is enough for it. Healthy life with good food and exercise is the only way to a beautiful strong body and mind. Not through fasting and binging and purging.

Stay strong dear and always take good care of yourself.

Love, survivor of anorexia/bulimia

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Thank you love x

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