Tough days and trying to keep your head above water.

[lauradeakin1]

How do people deal with anorexia when you're seven weeks into recovery and still haven't put much weight on even though I've been doing everything my therapist has told me to. I weighed myself this morning and my jeans feel tighter today and I feel fat and the voices are loud and aggressive. But I know the scales can't be lying and the number I saw was still underweight. But I can't shut the voices up I feel huge. I need tips on how to calm down?

[Icanhelpyou5]

Hi dear Laura.

When in recovery, you are basically surrounded by ED. In such environment it´s hard to think about or focus on anything else. However, that is the only way to silence those voices. Is there anything you can do that will positively distract you from thinking about your weight? Any activities with other girls? When I had ED and was trying to recover, I tried to keep myself busy doing other things. Mostly meeting friends and spending time with them helped the most. The worst place was home because that is my comfort zone and hiding place where I could binge and purge and weigh myself etc. I understand you are in recovery so you can´t just walk out of there but if there´s anything you can do, listen to music, read books or watch movies, give it a try. Those voices will have no choice but to shut up. And remember, those voices are not your friends, they are your enemies. Even they push you to lose weight so that you can look beautiful, ED beauty will only take you to your death as the hunger to get thinner will never stop but only grow bigger. Nothing is enough for those voices, only death. And I know you don´t want to die. You want to live and you want those voices to shut up.

The main thing you have to do which is the hardest part and takes time and patience, is to accept yourself the way you are. You need to learn how to love yourself, your body, your mind, your health, everything. You are such a beautiful young woman with your whole life ahead of you. Don´t let anyone or anything stop you from living a good life. Let´s think, what or who made you unhappy about your looks? Do you have someone who you are comparing yourself to or an idol you´d like to imitate? Were you bullied when you were young or is it something that started bothering you recently? We all know ED is not our main problem, it is only the symptom of our problem and we need to find out the source of it and plug it out! Nobody is perfect, seriously. Even the most beautiful and skinniest person has still some faults. And those faults and differences are actually the ones that make us unique and beautiful. Keep fighting girl and never give up. I know you´ll make it. Take care.

Love, survivor of anorexia/bulimia

[lauradeakin1 in reply to Icanhelpyou5]

Thank you so much for your advice. I'm actually an out patient so doing it all at home. I haven't got any friends around me and spend most days all day on my own in the house, I'm 22. I've been told I can't apply for jobs because my bmi is too low so I've been told I can't until I'm discharged next year. I just feel like the world hates me and no one wants anything to do with me. My two closest friends who I thought would be there for me throughout all this now have jobs and girlfriends and have moved on without me when I was there for both f them when they were going through hell. I feel abandoned tbh. I'm going to try and settle it later on today and do something to take my mind off of it even though I haven't really got many hobbies. The ones I do have require brain power which I don't seem to have much off as I feel completely drained and miserable.

Sorry I know I should be stronger than this it's just today is proving to be really hard and this just feels like a never ending pit of darkness.

I appreciate your advice so much and your kind words mean a lot to me so thank you xxx

[Jots1234 in reply to lauradeakin1]

Hi, I just wanted to say I really feel for you. I'm three weeks into recovery now. I just wanted to say to stick with it, you may not feel positive now, but things will get better, you can beat this and life can be good and fulfilling. Are you able to join any local groups where you can meet people and get a hobby to distract yourself. I think the hardest thing about all this is to move away from current thoughts and behaviours, I wish you well and if you want to pm feel free, I answer as soon as I can xx

[crazycrossstitcher]

EDs don't like you recovering - and its always a really tough and hard place to be - but don't give up - its worth all the hard work - keep going - keep talking to your therapist - share how you feel as honestly as possible - perhaps they can give you some ways of counteracting these thoughts - I tend to shout at them - go away - you are telling me lies and I don't believe you - its about getting used to hearing the truth and ignoring the lies - but I know its really hard. ABC have a befriending system - and this might help you.

[Soph91]

Iv been in treatment for 11 months and due to stress factors I'm back at square one so don't beat yourself up your doing great