I miss the it, but that's ok

It feels like forever ago, but it's only been months and you know what, I'm glowing. Glowing with happiness and hope and energy. But sometimes when I have a faze of self-consciousness, I miss it, like a crazy ex, I start to miss it when I counted each and every calorie, I miss it as if it were a old hobby, which it kind of was, but an extremely dangerous one. I remember how happy I would be when the calorie count was low, with my stomach rumbling and my face empty and pale. Or the fact that I got a smaller portion of food than everyone else. I miss it, like an old friend, what a fake friend they were.

But then I remember what I gave up to get there, the people it cut from my life, the opportunities I missed out on, how tired I was, how cold I was, how lonely. And I realise how lucky I am, how I didn't go to the point of no return, and didn't dig a hole so deep I wouldn't be able to climb out again. And I remember that my life is so much better now than it was then.

I miss it, but that's ok 🌺

3 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Great story - and a real encouragement to all of us still struggling. Guess its like any habit - it occasionally rears its head and tries to draw you back. Stay strong - keep glowing.

  • Really well written and you are right, it is just like missing an ex - you want it but know it is bad for you. I didn't think anyone else would miss those aspects too and it is nice to find another who understands. I have tried to explain it to friends when I say I am worried about going back but they say "don't worry, you know what it is like, you won't go back there" - but they don't get the warped appeal which is where my worry comes from. I long for the previous me as I see it as the perfect me. I am going through this right now only I am not full of hope and energy. I think this may be why I am thinking about the previous time.

  • This is really inspiring :) I am still struggling but half the battle is not wanting to let go because is gives me comfort and control.

You may also like...