It feels like forever ago, but it's only been months and you know what, I'm glowing. Glowing with happiness and hope and energy. But sometimes when I have a faze of self-consciousness, I miss it, like a crazy ex, I start to miss it when I counted each and every calorie, I miss it as if it were a old hobby, which it kind of was, but an extremely dangerous one. I remember how happy I would be when the calorie count was low, with my stomach rumbling and my face empty and pale. Or the fact that I got a smaller portion of food than everyone else. I miss it, like an old friend, what a fake friend they were.
But then I remember what I gave up to get there, the people it cut from my life, the opportunities I missed out on, how tired I was, how cold I was, how lonely. And I realise how lucky I am, how I didn't go to the point of no return, and didn't dig a hole so deep I wouldn't be able to climb out again. And I remember that my life is so much better now than it was then.
I miss it, but that's ok 🌺
I am still struggling but half the battle is not wanting to let go because is gives me comfort and control. 
