miss

hey everybody my first time doing this so please bear with me lol

this is a very lonely illness and I feel its like a dirty secret most of the time. My mum and dad know but I think they secretly hate me for it.... I'm 37and it started at 14.... with the loosing a bit of weight thing at school because I got bullied for being a bit tubby bu then it developed into anorexia, then bulimia, drink drugs and rock and roll....but its still haunting me today...I feel soooo lonely xxx

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  • crazym, Welcome to the Forum, I'm glad you reached out. I know how lonely ED can be. My daughter has anorexia for the last 7 years. It is a very lonely illness. Others don't understand why she was always refusing to go anywhere because of not feeling good. I think they felt she used it as an excuse because she didn't want to go. Nothing could be further from the truth. She has missed so much in life including being too sick to go to the doctor or dentist. Cancelled appointments one after another. As an adoptive mother, I can tell you that the love is there but the fear of losing her is always there. That is most likely what you are seeing in your parent's eyes. I hope that you will use this forum for the support and understanding you so need. You will hear from others who are going through the same torment. It's sad that something happens in people's lives that causes these issues to appear. Stay strong. You are not alone. x

  • thanks so much for replyin, I'm glad I found this site as it can be sooo bloody awful when you feel lost and alone and even tho you have people around who love you ...you just cant put the pressure on them and tell them your struggling ...hope you are ok xxx

  • You are very much not on your own - I have suffered since age 17 and am now 57! Its such a mis-understood problem - despite its prevalence it doesn't hit the headlines - and it causes such pain and distress as well as physical damage - but be aware there are so many out here like you - don't feel you are the only one struggling - its also so hard for others - especially parents and loved ones to understand and cope with - my parents tried so hard to help me - but felt unsupported - rejected by me - and alone with their desperation - and sometimes this can come over wrongly - so I recognise how hard it is for both "camps" to deal with - keep talking to us and you will know we're here for you.

  • thanks so much for replyin, I feel like a lepper with nobody to confide in....I suffer alcohol, depression and drug use as part of this so I am very up and down....at the mo am very down and at my wits end ....I hope your ok xx

  • hi crazym, I know what you mean when you say that this illness is lonely. I'm 48 and married with a daughter but I still feel alone. I've been ill for about 25 years but I've only just been diagnosed with endos. It started when I was in a bad relationship. Sometimes I want the help to recover, but I'm scared of losing the control.

    karen xxx

  • Parents can be so harsh, my dad keeps saying 'Why don't you just stop?'. I wish it was as easy as that. I once angrily retorted 'Why don't you stop being diabetic?' just to try and get him to comprehend that this disorder is debilitating, and certainly not a fanciful choice!

    He said that he quit smoking just by deciding one day not to have anymore. The difference is we NEED food. We cannot avoid it.

    The ultimate betrayal was my mother using my disorder as 'gossip' and telling people my secret.

    My parents and I have had so many arguments; threats to kick me out if I don't stop, how they are the victims and what I am doing to them is unfair, they don't deserve a daughter like me... I love them but I don't particularly like them.

    I wish you all the luck in the world and please know that you are by no means lonely. There seems to be some wonderful people on this site and I am so glad I found this community

    xx

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