One month ago, I wrote a post here, wondering if I had an eating disorder. One and a half month later, now I think I do.
My friend, as I mentioned before, told me she was bulimic. But she recently stopped, and slowly stopped eating, so I assume she's anorexic. She told me she wanted to be as thin as me. So, I told my other friend and together, we talked to our guidance counsellor about her.
And, she's been eating a lot more. It's not much, but it's better than nothing. She'd usually have a few ping-pong sized graham balls, and during lunch, a mango shake and maybe a few more graham balls or a sandwich. I don't really notice if she's gained her weight back, but she doesn't check at our school's clinic anymore (then again, she could have her own weighing scale at home), and I've never felt so relieved. There's a selfish part of me that is extremely happy she's slowly getting back. I want to be the thinnest among my friends. And recently, I've started to slowly starve myself.
For the past fourteen years of my life, I've always been thin. Not skin and bone thin, but just skinny. To me, there's three types of skinny people. One, people worked hard to lose / maintain their new weight. Two, they are skinny because they don't eat a lot. And last (which I believe is me), those who eat a lot and are still slim (thanks dad!). Which is why I'm really scared of losing weight, fearing that I'll lose my fast metabolism. But now, I don't know anymore.
It started around two weeks ago, and I stopped eating snacks (really hard for me), stopped drink juice, eating fast food and unhealthy sweets. My meals have become slower for me, and I would eat half my lunch for snacks, and the other during lunch. I haven't checked my weight yet, but I've noticed other things. First, I noticed how much hair I've been losing, and how my hair on my arms and legs have been much more noticeable. And just these two days, I got small scratch-wounds, yet I didn't bump into anything. I don't want to be stick thin, but I just want to lose a few pounds (I'm 104, and want to be around 96 to 100). During seventh and eighth grade, my BMI was around 17.2, but now it's 17.8 - 17.9. And I'm desperate to get my BMI to around 17.4. Help?