Hi, I feel like I've been over this so many times before but I'm at a loss right now.
I've been in an anorexia outpatient clinic for over 4 months and in that time I've lost a kilo and gained it back. my bmi is around 13, I'm not sure exactly, and I just had a bone densitometry that has shown my bone density is low. I'm just getting worse and worse, I was in a&e only a couple of weeks ago because I collapsed but they sent me home after 8 hours since my blood test was okay (although I had low blood pressure and bradycardia), even though I told them I hadn't eaten or drunk anything and refused any food from them.
I've tried so hard but every time I gain anything I can't cope with it. I'm scared I'll do something stupid because I hate myself so much. My doctor spoke briefly about hospital again yesterday when I saw her because I lost a kilo in 6 days, but my mum is strongly against me going to hospital. I don't know what to do though because I feel so depressed I can't even look after myself, I'm alone, not allowed to go to college or even leave the house (except for appointments) and I feel like I've lost all motivation to live. But I still want to recover, I just don't know how. I still don't know if hospital would just be the best thing for me right now. I know it also depends on my physical health but that's not being doing great either.
Sorry for rambling so much! But any advice would be very helpful. thank you