I feel like I'm fighting with my mind

So last year I got really obsessed with my weight and went on so many diets where I would eat only salad etc. My friends got worried and eventually I realised that starving myself was not the answer. I took up cross-country running which tuned out I was quite good at but the insecurities never really went away about my weight. Recently it's been getting worse and I haven't had enough energy in classes and I'm growing away from my friends because of it. They noticed and also started teasing me about how health obsessed I am. I have noticed how pale/tired I look sometimes and I'm getting worried. I know I'm not fat or chubby at all, I'm underweight, it's not that I don't like my body, I love my body, it's just that I don't want my body to go away.

I know I need to eat more to get better but every time I try it's like I get a little thought in the back of my head going 'but look at how many calories there are' or 'you don't need that, you're fine' or something similar.

I also know I'm not fully anorexic, I do make sure I actually eat 3 meals a day and stuff but I think because I'm doing all this exercise i need more energy food but I still have a insecure mind

I don't want to tell my family because that would be like admitting I'm actually ill, I don't want to be ill and I know I can stop. I.WILL.SURVIVE! If you have any non pill taking /tell parenting solutions please say

Thank you for reading ik that was very long

Xx

9 Replies

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  • Hello running girl.

    I'm sorry to say but it sounds like your mind is definitely disorder around food. The truth is, whilst you say you feel in control, it's possible that it is already controlling you and your decisions around food and exercise. Therefore you will need to start challenging yourself (doing thing that go against your ED) in order to take back control. If you don't, it may well start to take you down a dark path of depression, organ problems, fertility damage, bone damage, OCD, social phobia, anxiety and many other potential knock on effects of Eating Disorders.

    I'm sorry your friends don't seem to understand. Is there one friend you feel you can talk to and explain how your feeling? Is it possible to talk to your GP?They can put you in contact with your local Eating Disorder service. you may find that talking to others and a professional will make you feel less alone and you may start to unearth some reasons as to why you are using food for your emotions.

    Don't be hard on yourself beautiful. And try not to be scared of help. But from experience I can assure you that getting help now before it gets so bad that you are hospitalised is so much better. I wished I gotten help earlier.

    I wish you luck sweetheart, I'm happy you found this page too. Keep on talking Xxx

  • Thank you, this really helped, I'm now on the path back to recovery xx

  • I'm so happy to hear. It will continue to be up and down but your inner self can beat it.

    Sending strength and good energy xxx

  • Hi bumble bee. What you have replied here is so inspiring. I'm intrigued. Have you/are you recovering from an ED? Xxx

  • Awe thank you. I was diagnosed 11years ago and it has been an up and down rollercoaster! I feel physically and mentally stronger than ever at this present moment. I really hope we can help each other to help ourselves ☺

  • I understand. If you want to pm me at all please do. I had anorexia at school. Just saying. If you are in the UK check out kooth.com

  • Suggest you probably should consider seeking some help - a visit to the GP would be a good starting point - and a referral to an ED counsellor from there - I found that its often easier to talk to someone outside family and friends who is not close to you helps - but please do get some help - I know ABC has a helpful website - but usually it does need intervention to sort out feelings and thoughts and to get help to get back on track where food and eating is concerned.

  • that voice is the cause of anorexia you need to tell it to get lost if you want to recover while you can and do not go with it or rather do not let it in to take over you

    this is going to sound a little crazy but it is true - that voice is a demonic entity that wants you to starve yourself to death - that is anorexia - people either get a voice or urges which they experience as "instincts" which they may mistake for their own instincts especially if they are very young

    that voice is terrified of the name Jesus - if you are Christian and even if you aren't you can say to it Go away in the name of Jesus and it will flee - if you are close to Jesus it can't get you - sorry if I have shocked you - my daughter got AN and I digged deep to find out what the true source of it was - I am ridiculed for my take but I know it to be true - try it out for yourself - say to that voice Go away in the name of Jesus - and note how it reacts

  • Hi my lovely . Sounds we are in the same bout. Want to set up a messenger so we can chat? Find this really helps xxxx

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