Can't carry on like this

Hi I wondered if there was anyone that's been in a similar position to me?

I have been diagnosed with bulimia again and I am so depressed it's starting to affect my whole life.

I binge one to two times a day and have been making myself sick and taking loads of pills. I take 10-15 laxatives a day, 4 diuretics loads of pro plus and slimming tablets.

I physically feel awful aching all the time and always having a bad tummy. My heart races all the time I feel dizzy and my hair is falling out. I am on a waiting list for cbt but I think it's going to be a while. I am not sure it will help though.

I have been hiding it all from my family and I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself.

I have started self harming again as well and taking time off my job in a college.

It's all getting out of hand and I am in a viscous circle. I hate feeling like this and I don't know what to do?

6 Replies

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  • Hi Sarah, I'm Rach & a recovering Bulemic / alcoholic / addict & I would suggest looking for support groups whilst waiting for cbt...I'm now 4 yrs In from my last purge & 7 off substances as the Bulimia caught me again when I'd started to STOP loving myself.

    I use the fellowships of OA (eating disorders) NA & Aa.

    For me...the act of removing my food was actually me removing THE FEELING so I had to find a coping mechanism to Process The feeling & release it in a healthy way. I talk for England on this experience but will stop here...it can be a daily challenge as I have to Eat but I've learnt a structure if you want to hear more let me know....All the best and WE CAN RECOVER....x

  • Hi rach

    Thank you for your message and well done for getting as far as you have.

    I have been like this on and off for over 15 years and I did think I had sorted it out about 8 years ago. I had impatient treatment in South Africa for 3 months and then when I cam home I did start to go to oa meetings for a while but it's come back badly again. I am so tired of it now. I feel so depressed every day and have no energy and my life revolves around food!

    I have two beautiful children and I feel awful that my mind is so preoccupied with all this. They deserve so Much better.

    I just feel like I want to runaway.

    I am not sure how long it will take to get this cbt but I just feel like nothing is going to help.

  • Hey there Sarah, we're the fortunate ones as we already have the tools , we just need to remember how to access them from our tool box. Just like crazy cross stitch lady says...you need to knock on your doctors door again & reach out to the fellowship. If you don't have OA around you I also use NA as tradition 3 says "" The only requirement is a desire to stop USING !"" We don't specify What Substance. Sharing takes the Power out but doesn't solve the issue. Bulimia is but a symptom of the illness...our feelings are the root cause & our coping mechanism need to change....Please don't do this on your own hun xx

  • January 30

    Giving It Away

    "We must give freely and gratefully that which has been freely and gratefully given to us."

    Basic Text, p. 49

    In recovery, we receive many gifts. Perhaps one of the greatest of these gifts is the spiritual awakening that begins when we stop using; growing stronger each day we apply the steps in our lives. The new spark of life within is a direct result of our new relationship with a Higher Power, a relationship initiated and developed by living the Twelve Steps. Slowly, as we pursue our program, the radiance of recovery dispels the darkness of our disease.

    One of the ways we express our gratitude for the gifts of recovery is to help others find what we've found. We can do this in any number of ways: by sharing in meetings, making Twelfth Step calls, accepting a commitment to sponsorship, or volunteering for H&I or phoneline duty. The spiritual life given to us in recovery asks for expression, for "we can only keep what we have by giving it away."

    Just for Today: The gift of recovery grows when I share it. I will find someone with whom to share it.

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  • Hey Sarah

    How are you doing? I don't come on here regularly but it flashed up today ?

    😁 so it's a Happy Friday x

  • You sound to really need help - and you need it now - waiting for CBT is not the answer - go back to your GP and tell him how bad things really are - physically there are now concerns - and the pills and laxatives can have serious health implications long term - do please got medical advice and support before you really do become seriously unwell. ABC/BEAT helplines might be another source of support. Good luck

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