Hello

I want to thank for the great messages I have received from the forum. I was wondering how I can start working on my BED on a daily basis or on a moment basis. I just started working on my exercise program Monday to Friday for 1/2 hour walk on the track or outside. From there I do not know where to draw in my strength in getting through the day to believe in myself I can do this and I can beat this. I would love to hear from you..

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  • Oh, don't thank me. I know how hard it is, especially in the beginning. (My beginning has been "a beginning" 6 times during these past four years, if you understand what I mean... as you probably can see, my first language isn't English).

    And I'm sorry, but I don't know if I understand your question correctly, maybe I have misunderstood your main problem. You want to become more active? Is it from a healthy aspect?

    Maybe we can share our stories to see if we can understand and help each other out more.

  • Hi there I would love to share our stories and help each other! I am so glad you reached out to me. I had have been alone BED for many years of suffering alone until I found this site. And meet some great people. As for my question I was upset when I wrote it. Well see I have to be perfect with my eating disorder only other areas not so much. And yesterday I finished my lunch and decided to have a bit more to eat. And it bother me strongly in head that I did not have the perfect lunch so I had double dose of supper and then went to dollarama and they have cheap items and food and cheap sugar. Which I went for and came home and it before I had a chance to swallow. I am having a better day. I am not a bad excerciser which is surprising. I am trying to walk at the track or outside for half an hour. Monday to Friday and not to have the need to walk on the weekends to be perfect. I guess my question which we will learn together and share solutions/ideas. How to start my day without it having it to be perfect. And I do not have a perfect body.!! I am 235-240 pounds. I hope it is more clearer. Love to hear from you.

  • Hi there. How are you doing? I hope I did not scare you off with my message. You do very well with English. I hope to hear from you soon

  • Hello again. Sorry it took me so long to answer, but I wanted to get it right. And no, you didn't scare me away, don't worry. I hope I don't scare YOU away with THIS ;-)

    My Answer:

    Oh and I see, I didn't know what BED stood for so I was confused and thought you meant a bed (you're sleeping in.). I looked it up so now I'm more clear about your situation.

    I, myself, have been struggling with Anorexia and Bulimia since I was 12 years old. The skinniest I've been was a BMI at 13. The heaviest a BMI at 25, so I have never been really overweight (chubby but not fat). Your number doesn't tell me so much because I don't know your height or body type, but you know what? That doesn't matter. And that was exactly what helped me get out from the worst what ED stands for.

    I'm 24 today and I still have some ghosts in my head telling me that I'm not perfect and that I am eating wrong and too much, but I can much better ignorera them today. I can shake my head and tell them that they are wrong. I don't let them take much space as I did only 8 months ago. And the first thing that helped me was to accept myself for who I was, which was crazy hard. I wanted to give up and let the ghosts in my mind continue to rule over me... but I chose to be stubborn, and I chose to start little by little to think different of myself. In the beginning it felt ridiculos, but I refused to let ED continue to destroy my life Everyday I stood in front of my Mirror, completely naked; and I told myself: "Man, I look good."

    Sounds crazy, right? But I did it every every every day. And it was important that I was smiling while I did it, more imortant then to actually believe in it. I stood (and still stands today) in front of that mirror, not for hours, not even for minutes, just enough time to have a quick look at myself and to say: "Man, I look good." Not think more about it, not look at your body in details.

    After two months I was able to look closer at my body; and believe it or not, I thought that I actually looked kind of good. It wasn't too bad anyway.

    It was important for me that I started to except myself, because I've been hating everything about myself since 12 years of age.

    Every night I started to Wright down 1 good thing I've done during the day. Only 1, it's enough. And the good thing couldn't be about food or body. (Maybe that sounds strange, but it's important to find other things you are good at and you enjoy in life that doesn't have anything with your ED to do.)

    - Today I was reading another chapter of this book, and I really loved it.

    - Today I went to the mall with my friend and we were laughing about this.

    - Today I was practicing driving.

    And by writing these things down in a notebook, I started to want to do new, funny stuff, to fill my book with more interesting things. It helped me to think about other things then food and ED.

    I know, it might sound like I did this without any problems, but that's not true. I cried many nights, because I thought that I was a failure because I thought I hadn't done anything good, except thinking about food and my "fat" body. But the most important thing to do is not to give up.

    Instead of thinking "I have ONLY done this today." I started to try to think: "I have ACTUALLY done this today."

    To look more positive at myself, not being so hard on me, helped me to accept myself more. And therefore accept my body.

    Yes, I'm not perfect, but I'm still me. I have a body that actually is pretty amazing. It carries me, move when I want to move.

    The anxiety was horrible when I ate "too" much or "too" wrong, but I talked to my psychiatrist and we made a Food plan: I ate six times per day, this amount, not more nor less.

    If I ate more or less (which happened a lot, especially in the beginning.) I just continued as nothing. I didn't eat more dinner because I skipped lunch, and I didn't ate less lunch because I ate too big breakfast. I didn't eat Ice Cream for afternoon snack if it said Sandwish (even though I wanted.) And I didn't eat a sandwish of it said Ice Cream. In that way, I reduce the risk to get anxiety and start puking or compensate.

    Later on, I could be more flexible, but the first couple of weeks, it was really important for me to follow this plan. And it helped.

    If you want to loose weigh, do it for the right reason. Try first to learn to accept your "unperfect" body. Maybe it turns out that your body is better and more beautiful than you think.

    I believe that the only way to start a perfect day is to not try to hard. My days aren't perfect, I hated it before when they weren't, but once again: before I leave home for work/the grocery shop etc; I always tell myself this (even though it sounds ridiculous) and I tell myself our loud:

    "It wasn't a perfect morning, but I'm still okay."

    On my wall I have a picture that says: "What does it matter in the long run?"

    And I think it's important to remember that. What does it matter tomorrow that today wasn't perfect? What does it matter tomorrow that I ate to much today? Or that I didn't walked for 30 minutes?

    Please, ask yourself that, because it really helped me see things more clearly. What does it matter when the next hour comes? I will still be me and I will still be okay. And okay is good enough. You don't need to believe it in the beginning, you just need to convince your brain that it's true. Soon the brain will start believe in those words, and then you will start to believe in them yourself. Trust me, it took me months but it was worth it.

  • I just about to read your message. As I said I live in a group home with 21 other people. I am bi-polar. As you know I am binge eating disorder with not full blown bulimia. I can purge with laxatives at times. Anyways they will be calling for lunch and then I go volunteering to help food banks this afternoon. I guess what I am saying is that I too want to get it right, so I might not get back to you tonight the latest tomorrow morning for sure So I will chat soon

  • Before I turn off my tablet. I want to tell you what a beautiful story and you have great English. And I learned interesting messages from you to put in my healthy lifestyle. Thanks. So I will be with you tonight or tomorrow morning

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