I keep logging back in. Just so there I can see if there is someone. Scared to fall asleep but still I refuse to let go,to fail, to be a failure at this too. Its the only thing I know I am good at, and that feels so good,so powerful even. Everything else is chaos, way out of my control, but this isn't. How I respond to feeling this awful is in my hands,my control. Feeling this bad isn't even to give up the feeling of powerful good. I am tired and wish it were enough... But it isn't ??????!!!!!!!!!!