This is a story of a very brave girl named Claire.
"Twelve years old, with a body changing, emotions charging and a general sense of confusion festering inside, the last thing I needed to hear was a classmate remarking that I was "getting fat." This comment, combined with my insecurity and fears are- I believe- what triggered my spiral into a pattern of disordered eating and ultimately nearly killed me.
Over the years, my issues with food and body image, were joined by severe anxiety and depression. Together, these things took me on a journey to some very dark places.
They isolated me and I withdrew from family and friends. I developed a deep self loathing and I resorted to daily self harm in order to try and make myself feel better.
I had appointments with doctors, therapists and psychologists- none of which seemed to help. Finally, desperation set in and I decided to 'take control.'
My erratic eating patterns stopped and a period of starvation began. And at first I felt good. I felt strong. I felt proud. As my weight dropped I felt a sense of achievement that I hadn't felt for far too long.
'Control' however, gave way quite quickly to fear. I became afraid of not losing weight, of gaining weight and of 'failing.' Eating and food became my all encompassing thought. I was tired and scared. I decided to seek comfort in food.
The cycle of binging and purging took over my life. I was exhausted. Every time I did it I pledged it would be the last time. It never was.
When an inpatient place became available I felt a mixture of fear and relief.
Two stays in hospital later, and I finally felt strong enough to start rebuilding my life. I looked at what was important to me, other than my eating disorder, and I started filling my time with various classes and activities.
Finding a Kuk Sool Won martial arts class has proved to be, probably the biggest- and most unexpected- turning point for me. It gave- and still gives me- a reason to stay well. Knowing that it requires energy- and therefore food- to allow me to train, progress and improve- help me to argue back to the eating disordered thoughts. It has helped to increase my confidence, my self esteem and my self worth. It even introduced me to my boyfriend.
I gave up so much of myself and my life for my eating disorder. But now I'm on the path to recovery. I've seen what life has to offer and that is why I'm determined I will keep going in the right direction."
P.S. And it's one of thousand successful stories in internet which I've found today.
"Never give up, it's such a wonderful life..."
