i dont know if i should put this here, since im new.
but i think i have an eating disorder. it all started in 2014 where the last straw broke with me and my self image. i weighed almost 200 pounds back when.
im 5'7, female, and i think i weigh around 140-50 as of late 2015,, im not sure what i am now. ive been too scared to weigh myself recently.
im still on the edge about my weight and my self image, and i dislike my body very much, no matter how much weight ive lost. i dont care. i want to be skinny like my friends are. i cant see myself as beautiful even though everyone else says i am. every time i look in the mirror, my body just looks ugly.
im not bone thin. i may be a little heavy for how short i am, in fact.
anyways, early 2015 i started going to the gym with my dad.
i started worrying about what i was eating around.. september.
thats when all hell broke loose for me in those terms.
eating started becoming this thing for me that just awful and stressful
i love food
there isnt a food out there that i hate, save for olives and pickles.
im not a picky eater now, but
back in october, i started eating very little.
sometimes i wouldnt eat at all. i went two days without eating once. i was just too busy.
but now, i can barely control myself. food is comfort for me
i feel like i just need to eat
and i have been trying to watch what i eat, sure, calories and such, trying to get around 1800 calories a day since im not really active.
if i eat over that i feel disgusting.
if i eat at all, i never feel like i made the right choice.
i go to sleep just so i can eat in the morning, and its awful.
i stress over how much i eat all the time, though its probably not that bad.
but whenever i convince myself its not that bad, i found out it is.
i just dont know how to fix my bad relationship with food, and i dont know how to explain it.
can i just have someone to talk to?