Help overcoming ED

[Kat3650]

Hi everyone i am 15 years old i am 4ft 11 90 pounds and 41kg. i currently attend cahms but it dosnt seem to help. my appointments get cancelled and i feel that they are avoiding me. ive also been meaning to see a doctor but they are too busy. ive stopped making myself sick for a few months now but now ive made myself sick 3 times in a row so far. everytime i eat i feel im just going to gain more weight. ive tried starving myself once or twice. the worst time was when i had a tuna sandwich just for 1 day. the next day at school i felt so ill and i felt like fainting. i drank water and had my dinner for once i never eat in school or have breakfast. i want to be a normal 15 year old. i dont want eye bags on my face and look like a zombie every day. i dont want to also look depressed and freak others out. please help!

[Sophietomlins]

Hi sadi123, I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through but the fact you are asking for help on here is a huge sign you want to recover and beat this. You are so brave!

And incredibly young. The problems you are having are exactly what mine were 3 years ago and let me say those three years have been hell, I don't want you to have to go through that, its not too late for that to happen!

The thing with the hospital and cahms and meetings is that unfortunately with mental illnesses i've discovered it is very much down to you to begin to recover, they can only do so much and keep an eye on you and if you do reach a critical level they keep you in until you are stable and then you are discharged and expected to look after yourself. However you are still under their support, they are aware of your health issues and if things do reach that bad then they will step in and so knowing there is that support hopefully helps when you feel low.

Everyone experiences this differently however some of what you have experienced is very similar to mine. I'm on a therapy course and one-on-one meetings at the moment and then will be joining group therapy. This is all to help with the mental side of the problem however the physical and eating side is down to you. And I never had the chance to go on a children's mental health charity, I had to wait it out until 18 so much of my youth was spent living as you've described. I spent 3 years living as you are now, please don't do the same as me. It is not worth it! trust me, you have got your friends, family, loved ones, support team looking after you. You have exams, GCSE's, prom, days out, holidays, memories, experiences, all sorts to look forward to and enjoy, don't let this take that away from you like it did with me!

I suggest sitting down with a close family member or friend who will be with you the majority of the time and plan a meal or diet plan that you feel you can stick to. It sucks, you will hate it, might reject it, feel you don't need or want it but you do. Trust me, you are still growing and your body needs those nutrients at this vital stage in adolscence. You may still be having your periods, I haven't had mine in 3 years which means you are more woman than I am and strong! Please don't damage your body like I have. Talk to your friends, see what they eat, how they feel, that way you know what is normal and don't worry about over eating. Trust me you are not going to get fat after one big meal or 2, it doesn't work like that and its taken too long for me to learn that as well. You body is doing just what it needs to survive.

And after deciding your meal plan if you do decide to, maybe start talking about this with your family member/friends about what might have started it, how you are feeling, all the things you might talk about at doctors meetings because really that is all they are, therapists, not doctors, for you to be able to talk to and get support.

And don't let this distract you from your school work, time with friends, family, work, life. You're at such an early stage in your life and you have time to beat this before it becomes even bigger a problem.

I hope this has helped in some way. I just hope you've been able to find support in the last few days since you posted this and even if you don't decide to follow this advice (as I am not a doctor myself but a sufferer and only trying to pass on what I am learning at the moment!) at least you know you've been listened to and your message has been read and that you are in my prayers. This is a community albeit a community of sufferers but we are supporting each other through this terrible time and illness.

Take care, thinking of you

Sophie xxx