I need help

[vickijane7]

I've suffered with anorexia since I was 17 I'm now 33. My weights dropped again and the threat of hospital is looming again. Im so down n so fed up that I can't see the point of carrying on. I hate myself. My physical symptoms have got worse. I can't even take the dogs out without feeling like I'm gonna faint. I 

[Hidden]

Hi! vickyjane7 ☺ Please go immediately to your  GP/doctor.  This will not just get better on it's own  (as you know).  We all need support at times, you need it now, you owe it to yourself  (and your dogs).  Please get medical help now.  xo

[vickijane7 in reply to Hidden]

I went to my gp yesterday and my usual doc wasn't there, the doc I saw said she didn't want to give me any treatment as she doesn't know my history. Just fed up with it now. Thanks for replying it means a lot xx

[Agora1]

Vickijane,  please get the help you need right now.  Our thoughts will be with you.  xx

[vickijane7 in reply to Agora1]

I went yesterday and I was told that cos my usual doc wasn't there she didn't want to give me any treatment. The first appointment is 27th with my doc! I can't even get a blood test till Tuesday and I feel awful. Thank-you for replying xx

[Agora1 in reply to vickijane7]

I understand how you must feel. My daughter goes through the same thing being weak, dizzy and short of breath when her electrolytes go off.  You're in my thoughts.   xx

[vickijane7 in reply to Agora1]

Thank-you. It helps that there are some people out there who understands and knows this isn't my choice I don't choose to be this way xxx

[Agora1 in reply to vickijane7]

Of course you don't choose to be this way.   BTW  my daughter is 26, this has been going on for 6 years now.   Take care vickijane.....  I care  xx

[crazycrossstitcher]

I know how you feel  - between a rock and a hard place - EDs are so powerful - do go get some help - you are precious - your dogs need you - don't let your ED take that away from you - your dogs love you - they value you - as do other around you I'm sure - do go to your GP and talk about how you really feel - talk to the ABC or BEAT helpline - they are extremely supportive and I know their help would benefit you at the moment.

[vickijane7 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

I'm getting nowhere with my gp. My blood pressure is very low and she wouldn't even check it. Im booked in Tues for blood test as my potassium is very dodgy at the best of times and that's urgent! My usual gp would of got me in for bloods yesterday while I was there but the one I saw didn't care. In patient treatment has been mentioned. And on top of all that I have an abscess in my mouth. Just had enough of this life. Surely it shouldn't b this hard xxx

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to vickijane7]

No it shouldn't be so hard - but my experience is its a matter of getting to an interested GP - I have similar issues - and have not gone down the in-patient route - so I'm a second class citizen as an out-patient at an ED unit - have to travel 45 mins both ways to get there - and pay £20 for transport each time!!

[newn]

Recovery is harder.  i know it doesn't feel like a choice to use anorexic behaviours but it is a choice and they are very powerful and useful ways in blocking out what the real probems are and they are the really hard stuff. 

compared to where i am today, spending all day very underweight and umming and ahhing about what i would or wouldn't eat, how many measly calories i would allow myself...had i run far enough or long enough to justify a salad!!! my oh my i didn't know what hard times meant. it is not the real world and that is much harder especially when you stil have to deal with weight, food, exercise... am i doing the right thing getting better etc etc. 

i thought being anorexic was painful, hard, an awful existence but through recovery i have found that that existence was there anyway and that somehow the anorexia made it better...sounds daft i know and it is ironic but if you really want to eat, have a healthier weight you can- that is a choice but it is accepting that is is easier to stay anorexic that we don't see when such a stance stops us seeing that.  worrying about whether my 14inch thighs were too fat sounds awful and at the time i thought it was tragic but compared to my  underlying...real issues (that ony resurface with recovery) anorexia is a walk in the park...trust me...no wonder i stayed that way for over 25yrs...somehow, sometimes i wish i was back there...shockingly sad...

[newn]

reading that back i know it sounds weird but I am sure all of you have had times when you have been chastised for your behaviour or told you are mad, weird, bullied for anorexia even.  made you felt misunderstood right...that you are the black sheep of the family....showing them up, or disappointing the family, you are bad, not good enough, a let down, a failure...and well you know what i learnt....anorexia saved me in many ways, others made me feel bad for it but i have to admit it had a huge important part in my life even if i didn't fully understand why or how i do not regret it it, nor do i feel bad or guilty about it or ashamed. i am only sorry i didn't get it sooner.  i have much to thank anorexia for.