Bad confession

[thin_but_not]

While in my last post I said I was scared (and I am), I don't really want to get better. At the moment I weigh 46 kg (which is underweight on the bmi scale), but there's this boy in my P.E class who doesn't have an eating disorder, but weighs 38.2kg. He's always bragging about eating heaps and being really thin and stuff and I'm pretty jealous if I'm honest, so I don't particularly want to stop just because he acts like everyone else is really fat and it really gets to me. I want to lose more so I can be lighter than him, but I know it'll be really dangerous.

[Agora1]

Yes, it will be dangerous.  What will that prove to be lighter than him.  You will

feel weak and tired.  You say that you don't really want to get better.  My daughter says "it's the only life she knows"  so does that mean that you both

are comfortable in being sick all the time?  I'm trying to understand what goes

on in the mind of an anorexic young lady.  I want to help but I don't know

what to do anymore.   If I may ask, do you get angry at those around you,

to the point of yelling and belittling others?  Do you emotionally and verbally

abuse people and swear?  My daughter does and it hurts so much, that it

is ruining our relationship.  Please help me to understand 

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to Agora1]

Having been a teenage sufferer more years ago than I like to remember - I can really feel for you as I know the anguish I put my parents through - I think I was so angry and desperate inside that I took it out on those around me - also anyone who "threatened" my ED was also subject to abusive treatment.  Once my ED had got hold I couldn't see outside it - I only saw people trying to get me to do something I didn't want to do - I didn't even recognise for myself how ill I was - I just felt everyone else was just trying to make me fat - even though I was a bean stick and had had to give up sport because I was so weak - unfortunately its only when you see for yourself how ill you are - and want to get better - and get the right professional help - that recovery starts - and even then the battle is not over.  Have you contacted the ABC helpline for carers - I think you would find this helpful - especially as I know how my parents felt totally alone in this and totally desperate being unable to stop me "self destructing".

[Agora1 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thank you dear heart.  I will try the ABC helpline.

Didn't know that existed.   My thoughts are with you. x

[thin_but_not in reply to Agora1]

I don't do that, I wouldn't do that to anybody.

[Agora1 in reply to thin_but_not]

Thank you. 

[crazycrossstitcher]

Can you find someone to talk to about your issues  - a school counsellor/your parents - or contact ABC who have a support line and talk in confidence - I spent years trying to be someone else - made myself extremely ill - became unable to do any sport at all - and for what - to be thinner than someone else !   I do hope you can start to see yourself in a better light - and perhaps you need to look to others and develop real friendships - they are not based on what you look like - they are supportive and encouraging and fun - having an ED is not any of these - and what does he gain by being as he is anyway?  Do get some help and don't be beaten by the ED and its thoughts - its not worth it I can assure you from years of experience!