Feeling like somethings missing

Im 18 years old, however growing up through secondary school I had maintained an eating disorder with out knowing, I always knew I was skinny but not verging on anorexic, as things got worse at home I kept my eating little but steady. Things got better and I was in a happier place for the last 2 years putting on a little weight but constantly fighting the negative thoughts of the weight doing me harm and my image seen as fat. My mum got diagnosed with a rare cancer last September when I was starting college again, this tipped me over the edge having bad thoughts and controlling my eating to the max, I was having regular counseling at the time and my counselor noticed and picked up on my eating habits as I lost alot of weight fast and looked gaunt. Now things are better ive put alot of weight on, im about just over 8 stone now and 5'3 height, however I eat alot of the wrong unhealthy foods and then feel awful as if I need to go on a starvation for several days, this then puts me in a mood for days as I feel fat, over weight and lethargic whilst nobody would want me like this, im missing that one thing, the old me and the skinny me, the friend and comfort in the control, but I know its bad and I feel weak for not being able to control my diet. I really like being quite skinny is this a crime or am I really missing something?? Please help and thank you for taking time to read this, any answers would be greatly appreciated

4 Replies

  • Hi, first of all, a huge well done for getting out of the dark place of anorexia. You seem to recognise that it isn't the 'friend' you thought it was when it crept into your life all those years ago. You're doing the right thing to keep batting away those thoughts, focus on the thought that you are now in control, not the eating disorder. From what you say, you are a in a safe place weight-wise, don't feel guilty about the occasional treat or phase of 'unhealthy' eating, it is better than being dragged back down! Keep strong, and if you feel you need further support, try ringing one of the helplines eg BEAT, or post here again. Best wishes.

  • 8 stone is certainly not over weight for your height - you've really achieved something to get this far - keep talking to your counsellor about your thoughts and feelings - anorexia is really invasive in the mind and it sounds like the anorexic thoughts are still around for you - unhealthy eating for you is what you were eating previously when you lost so much weight - maintaining around 8 stone is great - so don't beat your self up - celebrate - and who defines "unhealthy" - eating a balanced diet with some treats is great - so good on you - but do get some support - either your counsellor or ABC/BEAT helpline.

  • Hi Emily,

    It sounds like you are doing well with your recovery and maybe just need an extra bit of support to help you with these thoughts and feelings. At ABC we have a befriending service which matches people who are struggling, with trained ABC befrienders who have recovered from an eating disorder for more than two years. They are there to offer advice or just be a listening ear for you. If you'd like to find out more have a look on our website: anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk/...

    Or email us at: befriending@anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk

    We look forward to hearing from you,


  • Hi , thank you all for the support, I find it so hard some times when I was like it for so long and the society that we live in glorifies stick thin women, thank you again:)

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