Hey everyone, I am coming here as a a last resort and i would really appreciate some help. this has affected my life in so many ways and I don't know what to do anymore . so about 2 years ago i went on a simple harmless diet, i was getting praised by everyone i knew because of the weight i was losing! The problem was, after a while of trying ,i would start to binge on the weekends so much that I gained it all back. So I stopped the diet because it was draining for me to keep it going. Then about a year ago I decided to go back on this diet. I have never been happy with my self, and I am truly afraid of gaining weight. Anyways this diet did the same to me and even when I stopped I still binged, this time turning to almost every night. I gained about 10 pounds
I kind of self diagnosed my self with BED at that time so I decided to get back on track and not try to diet but only eat healthy. THIS WORKED! not only was I not afraid or upset anymore but I was also losing weight from trying to just not count calories as obsessively as I always would and trying to just live. So I lost those 10 pounds I gained. After a recent brake up tho, it really triggered me, I still wanted to loose more weight because I felt as tho none of it had came off, (we don't have a scale at our house so I had to weigh myself any chance I got at a friends house etc.) This "diet" lasted for a week untill, I started on what people call the binge/starve cycle? I would binge and starve myself the whole next day because of how I felt and then the following day I would binge again, I felt as though in a never ending cycle. I would like to add that during all these binges I've had (even when they first started) I would try and try and try to throw it up, no matter what I did, I couldn't get more then a hack out ! This frustrated me more then anything because I just wanted the food out of my stomach. Also (I self diagnosed myself with depression and I've selfharmed) anyways I don't know what to do with myself anymore . I want to recover from this but I want to loose weight and I just want to feel good in my skin, also is this actually an eating disorder or just crash diets?? I do have many of the symptoms of eds tho (afraid to gain weight) (have fear foods) etc... Please help with any info you could give me thanks so much
I am a 15 year old girl, height 5'1, weight as of July 13 105(fluctuates).