2kg to go, getting terrified!

[Horsemad1]

I have 2kg more to gain in order to be at the start of my target weight (45kg-48kg) I'm currently 43.4kg at 5ft 2 and have been in outpatient treatment since april, the closer I get the more terrified I am, It worries me I'll never stop gaining and I'll be huge

[Hidden]

Hi! Horsemad1 Well Done ☆ You really have come such a long way, not far to go, you can do it! 2kg wil.l feel like the end of the worl.d - it's not - ok. (Just want to apologise for my typo's in advance - my tablet has gone bonkers - again) Yes - I agree with you - the concept of reaching "another's" goal weight is completely terrifying - please surrender to it - hey - you can go on a shopping spree Is it possible for you to ask your Dr/GP if you can do any Yoga? It might help you with the anxiety. If you can't see the numbers on your scale as your friend - then it is time to throw the scales out. There is absolutely no point in worrying about the future - you cannot control it. Nobody can. Yes you can plan for it anyway (best way to make God laugh - right!) We all get the freedom to control how we react to every situation we are in. Please talk to your Dr/GP and the dietitian about that the thought of carrying/putting on the weight is driving your Anxiety levels up - ( your dietitian will give you a new meal plan later when you are on maintenance of your new weight.) But that needs to come from them. Outside looking in - souds like you are in a good place right now - all of you are sticking by each other and slowly but surely you are kicking that ed voice to the kerb. Really it will be alright - everything will be ok.

Thinking of you - Julie xo

[Horsemad1 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou, I'm struggling as all the weight has gone to my stomach and nowhere else on my body:(, my ed nurse has suggested to throw all my clothes that are getting tighter away so it's not a trigger.

I'll ask if I can try yoga as it maybe relaxing.

My dietitan has discharged me now so I only have my ed nurse and GP.thankyou again hopefully I can do this! X

[bumblebee20]

Dear horsemad1!

Congratulating you may feel like a stab in the chest but you really have done well to battle that horrible voice in your head.

The only advice I can offer is try not to see it as a big 2kgs! Take half a kilo at a time and go with the he feelings. Or better still try not to weigh yourself but allow the people supporting you to monitor your weight, although I know this is personal how you manage this.

I remember when I came out of inpatient and I was stuck at bmi 17 and really struggled to push past this. But I was informed that when your bmi starts to push past 18 your cognitions (your thought processes) become more logical and the anorexic voice and body dismorphia lesssens. I found this became the case I actually started to feel slimmer even tho I was higher bmi!

You mentioned in your reply that you feel the weight is going to your tummy. This is because the body naturally stores weight there to protect your organs, especially because your underweight it will need to store there first. HOWEVER, it does distribute and when it does I can assure you it doesn't mean your bum or thighs will suddenly look massive and the stomache flat. It will spread naturally and will often replenish muscle mass lost too.

2kgs can feel like so much put give yourself a chance to get there and see how you feel. What's important to remember is that you are still super slim but more healthy and you will eventually learn to love your body. The more we lose,gain,lose,gain the more we have to keep battling.

Sending luck and love xxxx

[Horsemad1 in reply to bumblebee20]

Sadly in my weigh in Monday I somehow managed to loose 1kg! So it's now 3kg to gain,im struggling I can't eat anymore than I am

[newn]

Hi, you think you can't eat- it won't be easy i know that but you can eat. it is the fear of doing it that makes you think you can't eat rather than you being unable to eat more. i know how terrifying it is to eat but you have to do so to recover. you have to undo/reverse the effects of starvation and focus on weight and eating to find out what the underlying issues are. this is fundamental to recovery.

hope that helps

newn

[Horsemad1]

Thankyou newn, I am just eating so much already i am struggling to eat all my meal plan without having massive stomach pains and feeling sick, , I am eating more than my family does and it makes me feel so greedy x

[Horsemad1]

I didn't gain anything this week my ed nurse said I have to gain at least 0.5kg if not more by next Friday:/ it's so hard! I don't know what more I can do or eat to help me gain the weight I am wanting to compete on my pony in August but I am only allowed to do that if I gain to a healthy bmi, I can't see that happening tbf:(