Former Anorexic Still Recovering afte... - Talk ED (eating d...

Talk ED (eating disorders)

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Former Anorexic Still Recovering after 25 years.

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I found one of the best ways for me to improve my health and to feel better. And that was to stop weighing myself. It was like an addiction on to it's self. Thinking the number and estimating how much it is going to be and how small can it go. I was 78 pounds at my worst and I am 5'5". But I mostly hovered In around 82 to 83 pounds at the time. It was 25 years ago. Some lady made a comment to be that I looked like I weighed a 100 pounds a couple of weeks ago. For a moment it felt like 25 years ago. I so no - I am 95 pounds. And then I went to work and say that I was actually 98 pounds. I felt all those feelings again but am handling it so much better. I would not want to be any less than 93 pounds now. And almost sort of accepting of being 98 pounds - but I know I won't stay that weight. Numbers are so addictive! I prefer now keeping track of my weight - and I know eating disorder- by what clothes I wear. Somehow that makes me less competitive with myself. Sounds so ridiculous and stupid when I write it out. Back when I Just turned a teenager and delveloped this eating disorder - the world was a much different place. It was 25 years ago and there was no kind words just being yelled at and at school I was bullied so badly for being anorexic that the school.transfered be to another school- apparent telling my parents I was a distraction to the other students. Not the students should stop bullying me- but rather get rid of me because I was the reason behind the bullying. I have so many stories from that time. It is wonderful issues like eating disorders, depression and cutting- etc. are now more okay to talk about. Back in my day things were so much different. I am on medication now for about 4 years and lived the many other years of my life without it- and suffering terribly- because I was afraid of the stigma on being on medication. I am so much better and function better physically too taking the proper medications. Only my boyfriend knows I am on medication. He even went with me to the doctor recently and I felt so loved and supported. And also made me feel stronger in facing my other fears such as blood tests.. Because I know he will be there for me and cares about my health too. I know you should do these things for 'yourself' but having somewhere for support does make me feel a lot stronger.

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Hi,

I just wanted to say a heart felt thank you for sharing this piece of your story. I agree that numbers can be such an addiction - at least that's my experience.

Thank you too for mentioning the support of your boyfriend. That's very encouraging and I will talk about it with a close friend who is trying to support someone else who is slowly recovering from anorexia.

many thanks and keep up the good work. Being healthy is the important goal for us all

in reply to

Hi Anniephys, thank-you for saying you feel the same way about numbers! Back in my younger days the made such a huge deal about 'the number'. But I used to take a zip lock bag of water with me on the scale I the morning- and mark a line on how much water needed to be added to the bag to make the scale say a certain amount- and pour out the water. Then I would take the zip lock bag into the washroom with me just before being weighed at the doctors - and fill it up to the line I drew.. And then drink all of the water. Somehow at the time it gave me less of a helpless feeling when I had control of the numbers even that much more. I hope you do talk to your friend especially since they are supporting another person suffering from anorexia. I really feel the media does not protray anorexica accurately - but atleast the dialogues have started on the dangerous of anorexica. For example people may think only girls or women or guys too- develop anorexica because they want to look like 'fashion models'. And for me I wanted to attract as little attention to myself as possible. Not someone ever infront of a camera. Nice to hear from you! And I hope you feel better soon. Just hearing from you today makes me feel better as one person trying to find solace to another. 🌷

Well done you for being open and honest, and its great to hear how much youve moved on already! One day i pray you will be able to truly love yourself the way God loves you ^^

Youre an inspiration to us all, so well done for choosing to make changes wish u all the best x

in reply to Electropterodactyl

You are so generous and kind with your blessings. Thank-you. I really am still trying after all these years even though it is at times tempting to give up. If I could help stop one person from travelling down the road I have it would make my life complete.

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