I suffered with an ED since early childhood through my 20's and into my 30's before I was eventually hospitalised and put on to the long road to recovery. I was in treatment for about a year, and it was only the threat of having to go through the programme for the nth time that I eventually agreed to put weight on.
That was about 10 years ago, and since then I've been able to maintain a reasonable weight. (Incidentally, I'm male).
However, the ED keeps rearing its head in the form of social anxiety surrounding eating. My wife just cannot understand why when we have a take away or even a home cooked pizza - I just cannot bring myself to help myself to what's there. I feel constantly that I do not deserve food and if it's in the middle of the table, it's there for others, not me. When this happens it triggers depression and feelings of very low self esteem.
This also happens in restaurants. I feel totally disinclined to order anything at all. Sometimes I've had to make excuses to leave and go home.
The resultant low mood can last for days afterwards when I hardly eat at all, and feel that I could easily slip back into full blown anorexia. It's only because I have a family now that I do not. I have to keep going for their sakes.
Today my wife brought home a large portion of chips (In the UK - we have fish and chip shops - which virtually define British cuisine :-)) and put it on the table for the whole family to pick from. I just ran out into the garden and left it to my children and wife. My wife came and found me and got angry that I wasn't 'joining in'. This made me feel even worse about myself.
I feel as if I'll never get away from these feelings of not being worth anything.