Omg!!! I think I really am going to make it!!!
I never thought it would happen.
Anorexia is a blessing in disguise. Some if you will think that's outrageous and to be honest at times had I ever read anyone write such a thing I would have been shocked.
Nearly 9months ago though, I took the plunge... I was set a goal to eat a piece of toast for breakfast and given I'd rarely partaken in breakfast for 30 ish years that was a mountain to climb but the person asking me to do it...well i didn't know then what I do now but a deeply buried tiny voice inside in the pit of my stomach told me to trust her and this was my very last chance.
That was just the beginning and I'm not sure what else I could say that wouldn't blow your brains out because I'm telling you mine are blown to smithereens!!! But it is ok. I'm not in my own. Not anymore.
Anorexia is not what people think it is. Yes it is an eating disorder but not everyone with an eating disorder even the thinnest ones are anorexic. Others who might be considered normal sized or larger may well in actual fact be anorexic. Like I say it's complicated and very far from simple. It is very complex in fact and I'm not completely sure yet still how the journey ends but my inner voice tells me it will be ok and I am learning to trust what I hear with every passing minute. Anorexia is a journey and provided a piece of you, however small or buried it gets, trusts that and in the journey even when that voice inside tells you to not eat...and your weight might plummet... you'll be ok provided you listen out for when it says eat and you eat no matter how little you manage.
Just follow your inner voice. It is your inner child. She needs someone and hopefully she will find what she lost and be complete again. Anorexia isn't all bad but you must be careful. In the depths of it it is soooo hard to eat to hear that voice as starvation is a powerful blocking tool. If instincts say eat - eat that voice and following it are the journey. ..that voice is yours deep down...seek help...professional help. Anorexia requires it. Then you will see. ..hopefully in time...that the pain it can cause will be worth it and she will lead you home... if you let her.
Good luck on your travels and enjoy the ride. It will be the most frightening but amazing, sad but joyous...depressing but exhilarating, crazy but not crazy, bad but full of good, bravest and greatest most terrifying thing you can ever do. And something tells me than when I do make it me and my family will be the happiest and most blessed people in the universe :o) :o) :o) x x x