How do you stop the anorexic voice when its stronger than anything else? Losing weight again+ exercising every day. Feel I'm out of control

I've suffered for anorexia for 3 years now. I struggle for months then manage to start to try to eat a bit more and cut back on my exercise. But then I put weight on and it freaks me out. I feel I look so fat at the minute and am desperate to slim down again. I know I shouldn't listen to the AN voice but its sooo strong I can't block it out. Has anyone else been here? What did you do? Only eating 400 calories a day and doing up to 2 hrs exercise.

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  • Firstly I'd say that it's a good thing ur able to differentiate the AN voice from what is real.

    The next step is 'fight'. As an sufferer for 8yrs I battle this voice daily too. But my advice is that recovery isn't a decision u make once, but u make the decision every time u put something in ur mouth, every time u toy with exercise, chose what to wear that day, choose to take the stairs or escalators etc. Life is full of times where u listen to u or AN. Every time u choose to go against AN, even tho u feel guilt/shame etc..the more u do it the more powerful u become over AN.

    U make that choice by reminding ureself of what u want out of life...and how u can't have life with true happiness...with AN. Remind ureself of everything that it steals from u. Be logical. How u can be fat? Think about ur clothes size? Ur weight? Ur BMI? Are u really fat? Remember that this illness also brings body dismorphia and what u see is distorted.

    I've seen many ppl extremely underweight and then I've seen then healthy and I am assured they look and feel 100 times better healthy weight. I apply this to myself and remind myself that the only ppl who find an anorexic body attractive, is an anorexic!

    Wish u's a struggle but ul suprise urself at how powerful u can be. Be prepared for good days and bad but ppl DO get better :-)

    Sending love xxx

  • Thanks for your reply. What you say makes a lot of sense. Yet its one of those times when its a lot easier 2 say than to actually do. I suppose being able to recognise the AN voice is a good thing for me as before it totally consumed every waking moment. At least I can block it out occasionally now. As you say its a daily battle to put food in my mouth and not feel guilty about it. I suppose have to just take one day at a time+ realise some days I'll win and others AN will. Hopefully her days will one day get less. Wishing you good luck in your fight too. Stay strong.

  • I know the feeling. I'm struggling with those thoughts at the moment too. I try to keep in mind that being anorexia is doing physical damage. A gain in weight is making me more healthy but it is a fight to keep that in mind and not give in to the anorexiv thoughts

  • I can so relate to what you said. I try to tell myself food is my medicine and I need it to get better and weight gain is a sign I'm slowly doing that. Yet its so hard to live differently when AN has been such a big part of my life for so long. In a way she's my best friend but also my worst enemy. If only it was as easy as taking a pill and the thoughts would go and could live my life normally again. You take care, I know we'r both struggling at the minute but we have to stay strong and not let AN consume too much of our lives.

  • I too know just how you feel - you could do with some professional support to help you - I've had CBT which helped - but it needs to be from an ED specialist - at present I'm confined to a wheelchair having broken my heel - so the battle with the anorexic voice is a very real one for me - to eat without exercise has not been something I've been able to do since the anorexia started 30 years ago - but I am currently holding on - and eating anyway - being underweight is as big a health risk as obesity - and also causes major psychological changes which keep you trapped and give you a distorted image of life - weight restoration is the key to living a life of freedom - so hang on in there - get help - talk to others - you can do it.

  • Hi, thanks for your reply. I'm getting professional help I saw a CBT nurse who specialises in eating disorders for a year. Now I'm seeing a specialist eating disorder counsellor, can only make once a fortnight sessions due to work. But the weeks don't see her we speak on the phone. She really does help but it's so hard to put in to practice what I know I should do and actually do. I'm determined to keep fighting though as I don't want AN to win.

  • ohh kiddo you sound soo young - put up signs on your fridge mirror - choice. Sometimes you will choose to be you and some days you will choose "her". On days when you are you plan ahead for when "she visits". Have her food around for then - of course you won't go from 400cals to 2000 even 800 will freak you/her out just try an extra least. Here is a way of looking at with an is walking at the top of a cliff and she pushes you off and you fall...for how long and far is anyones guess - but - you will hit the bottom, broken and wrecked but alive.Do you stay down there - some do - some get up and climb the cliff (ok you do have the "choice" to walk away) Ok you get back to the top of the cliff and she (an) is about to push "little kids" off - do you let her? Of course not so why let her push you? Hope this offers "some" food for thought - just remember battles are fought and won/lost...winning the war is the desired outcome...this is a war that you are in...dont forget you are allowed the right to recover...good luck kiddo♡♡

  • Thanks for your reply. You have given me some things to try and will give them a go. I don't want AN to get any stronger than she is. I know if I keep going down the path I am at the minute she will get louder and harder to control. So I'm really trying to eat a bit more but it's so hard as AN screams at me after every mouthful. I'm going to keep going though as I really don't want her to win.

  • Truly felt - GOOD ON YOU!!! I am in oz no idea where you are - can you go outside and water the garden (just for a minute) Maybe when she has too much to say you could do something else - finish your food and then do something to drown her out - loud music worked for me...(playing the guitar/singing/cleaning/reading/walking/swimming/yoga) any physical activity no longer than 15mins ok!! Good luck darl - you can do it♡♡♡

  • Hi, I'm in England+ weather starting to get cold. I'm going to the gym every day and exercising its helped me feel btr about myself. Still struggling to eat more as my stomach hurts when do. Can see I've begun to lose weight again and feel happier. Yet know at the same time its a dangerous path to go down. I'm seeing my eating disorder counsellor tomorrow and will be able to discuss it with her. Feel so trapped at the minute and can feel AN getting stronger which is freaking me out a bit.

  • Also want/need you to know I mean nothing but love/support - not on facebook or anything else never really had much to do with the inernet - have been told I am as subtle as a flying brick, connecting with your head. Not trying to tell you what to do - just something about you and others brought this on. I won't be incapacitated forever but been in your shoes so take advantage and ask away♡♡♡

  • Good morning hun! Yeah for you!!! Soo glad you've got professional support! (phew!) I looove to laugh - do they have free stand up comedy where you are? You obviously have enough intelligence to get/ask for help when you feel you need it - alot of advice will not be your "fit" for where you are "at" when you hear it but just try to not discard it maybe "keep it for later"...I'm sure you know that exercise releases hormones that make you feel "great" - these hormones kick in pretty quick so you truly don't have to exercise for ages! Here's a weird one for you...ask an what she kind and compassionate to her, be calm at all matter what she says, talk to your counselor about this "method". Just remember you"quietened" her down before -you can do it again. Keep a diary darl - only to work out what triggers "it" off. Well it's going to be a scorcher here today - better try and drag this decrepit body (wonder if all the decades of depriving it of nutrition resulted in my body depriving me of meaning) Something for us both to "ponder" Please "rug up" - look after youself beautiful take care -Joolzzz.

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