I have been suffering from anorexia now for over 2 years and have had break throughs where I beging to eat a bit more and put on a small amount of weight but then I see what my new shape looks like in the mirror and I freak out as I feel so FAT!!! I know this is all part of the illness but it is so difficult to get past. I also know I need to put weight on to get better but for me any extra weight equals being fat so I always end up resorting to cutting back on my eating and stepping up my exercise regime. After 18months of CBT I have finally had my first session with an eating disorder counsellor and am waiting to see what she will suggest. I had been doing so well had put on weight, started new anti depressant medication which has really helped and things for the first time in ages was looking up. Then one day as I lloked in the mirror I freaked out as I saw the fat going on my body, I was still classes as under weight but deep down I knew i had to lose weight. So for the last 3 weeks I have been living on 400-500 calories a day and am back on a grueling exercise regime. The weight has started to drop off and I am pleased with the results. But deep down I know what I am doing is doing me harm and I have started suffering the health consequences, dizzy spells, heart palpatations etc. How have others coped with balancing the need to put on weight and eat and accepting how your body lloks as you put on weight and can see fat apearing all over your body?
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