Happy Sunday everyone,
Hopefully the April showers are finally about to give way and the May flowers are about to burst forth like a ray of sunshine. And personally, I can’t wait. I am truly tired of this cold damp weather.
Alright, now that that whine is out of the way, let’s get down to the nitty gritty, the reason I’m rambling on today. I’ve been thinking a lot as of late about the course of my parents dementia and that of the few others with a dementia diagnosis who I have known well. Specifically I have been thinking about their memory. In almost everyy case, it seemed that their early, especially childhood and young adulthood, memories were relatively intact. In fact, they seemed quite accurate and factual. And in almost every case, by the time the disease had hit the moderate stage, each of them had difficulty remembering anything in the short term, even as simple as what they had for breakfast.
In the beginning, this caused me a great deal of frustration. In my ignorant bliss and misinformation, I thought they should be able to force themselves to pay closer attention and at least partially keep up with the world around them. I thought possibly the effort just wasn’t being put forth. But I never posited that theory to any of them for fear I was horribly wrong and I didn’t want to hurt their feelings or make them have increased feelings of inadequacy. And you know what? I was terribly wrong!
As I take my stroll down dementia lane, I’m finding that many of my preconceived notions about dementia were wrong. This one being high on the list of wrong. I find myself asking the same question multiple times, not remembering to do things I promised to do just a few minutes before, starting a search engine and not being able to remember why when the idea was fresh in my mind as I picked up the laptop, becoming tired and not being able to remember, for ex., the word Apple, although I can see it in my mind and I know exactly what I want. I just can’t seem to communicate that fact. Even having difficulty remembering names even though I know who each person is. And please believe me, now of this is for want of paying attention or a lack of effort. I put every ounce of mental energy I have into remembering these things with little success. It becomes very frustrating. And embarrassing. And it makes me wish I had had just a little more patience with my parents. There is no lesson learned quite like the one you get when you have to take a walk in another’s shoes.
So as your LO stands in the doorway, blankly staring around, trying desperately to figure out why they came into that room, take a deep breath. I know you’ve already reminded them they needed to come get their glasses 3 times and they’re on the table right beside them. But your LO doesn’t and can’t remember that. They are just as frustrated as you are. And scared. Their world is slowly dissolving around them, nothing any longer makes sense. And the devastation felt when the dementia patient believes they have disappointed their caregiver/LO is almost unimaginable. So, step back, gather your thoughts, ask your patient to do the task for the 4th, and undoubtedly not the last, time a nd give both of you a break. After all, don’t you each deserve it?
Hope the rest of your day is magnificent,
Randy
