I expect to go for a walk and look up and not know we're I am or how I got there, it's part of the disease. Part of the big picture. I expect to direct my wife the wrong way on the interstate occasionally (actually, pretty often now), that's why I installed a GPS system in our vehicle. I expect these and many other of the major challenges of DLB but when something small befuddles me, it just makes me angry. I think I believe those things so rote that I'll never forget them and it just irks my soul when I realize that I have.
For example, I was replacing the batteries in the spray of a weed killer gun this morning, something as s natural to me as breathing, put everything back together and tried it out. Much to my surprise, NOTHING. Four more times I did this, even looking at the diagram (this was against my better judgement as well), and four more times I had the same results. By the final time when I actually attained success I could not celebrate my victory over the confusion. I was to angry. Whether it was at myself, the disease, or both I don't know and it really doesn't matter because it was irrational but the loss of that seemingly inconsequential ability for that short period of time was just more than I could bear in that moment.
It doesn't make sense I know. But hey, there's a lot that doesn't make sense in my world right now. I'm sure something better will happen shortly. If not, I probably won't remember being angry in an hour anyway....
Have a good Saturday.
Randy
