So sad

[Cindoidiest]

Hi I'm new to this, my mom was diagnosed with moderate to severe dementia/ Alzheimer's this past November. My sister and I knew something wasn't right with her and hadn't been for quite some time. When we took her to her doctor and told him of her symptoms, he told her she didn't have Alzheimer's disease. I couldn't believe that her doctor would tell her that without testing her! She was so happy and confident walking out of the building. I know I wasn't happy with him at that moment. The clinic ran memory tests then and took pics of her brain activity. The first month I lived with my mom she liked me. She had no trust issues, except she emphasized what was hers "was hers". Then she stArted accusing me of taking her things, like shoes, underwear, shampoos, etc. I decided then to have a lock put on her bedroom door, thinking that would be the solution. It didn't stop. Pretty soon she was hating me. She would give me the meanest look and talk about how I stole from her to everybody and anybody she saw. She would tell me that I should be homeless and at the same time, putting things of hers outside my bedroom door, thinking that I told her I wanted the stuff . She would hear voices and respond to them and at times she got physical with me. She shoved me once and put her hands around my neck. My sister did not understand her behavior . My sister Christie wanted to deny that my mom had worsened over a little amount of time. She never accused Christie of taking anything from her . Christie took care of her during the day because she could. She works from home so it worked out for her. I work two jobs so I had to be home with her at night. I couldn't do it easily because she hated me! Despised me! There was not one day that passed where I didn't cry. Thank God we took mom to United Hospital. Abbott sent her right home after a week of her being there . United was spectacular, the nurses told me that they wouldn't send her her back home with me, they would keep her until she was placed in a facility. My sister found a great place for her! Now that things have settled I'm having a very hard time Visiting her. It's like I'm in denial. I don't know what to do. I love her and know that i should be visiting her like my sister does but something is keeping me from going to see her and I feel bad about it. She's now accusing the people that she lives with of taking her things. So sad.

[ChristianElliott Partner]

Welcome to the community, and thanks for sharing your story. Accusing others (esp. family members) of stealing is an unfortunate feature of many people with Alzheimer's disease, so understand that this is common.

A suggestion: focus on periods in your mother's life where she was in good spirits and you felt close to her. Bring pictures, books, and music that will trigger these good memories when you see her - best to focus on the better times. It's good that she is now in a facility that is equipped to care for her.

All the best.

[Cindoidiest in reply to ChristianElliott]

Thank you Christian Elliott! Yes, being positive is very important ! I do need to focus on our favorite memories from when she was well. It's just so hard still to deal with the reality that I will never have my mother back.

[katykleinginna]

My heart goes out to you. This is exactly the path my father's dementia took when he truly began to progress. It's never easy and always sad, but know there is always research going on from qualified and caring people. We cannot yet cure this disease, but we can come together and support/pray/listen until that day comes. It takes strength to reach out and discuss this.

[Cindoidiest in reply to katykleinginna]

Thank you so much Katy it means a lot. I really hope that someday there is a miracle drug or something that helps rid the awful disease!