Looking for help

[Roberta161]

Two years ago my wife was diagnosed with early Alzheimer's she's only 51 I'm finding it hard to deal with need help

[ChristianElliott Partner]

Welcome to the community, and thanks for sharing your situation. So members can provide their helpful feedback, can you describe some of the challenges you're currently facing?

[Roberta161 in reply to ChristianElliott]

I have to work a lot my wife has to stay home by herself it's getting to the point where I don't think I'll be able to leave her by herself much longer she just put stuff where it's not supposed to go dirty toilet paper in the linen closet dirty soiled clothes in the linen closet there's other things wrong with her besides the early Alzheimer's osteoporosis and I just find it hard to deal with she just says the same things over and over I can't do this much longer it's too hard just don't know what to do

[Hidden in reply to Roberta161]

Hi Roberta,

I've been caring for my dad who now has late stage Alzheimer's. It has now gotten to the point where I can no longer manage his care by myself because sometimes he has to be lifted completely and I can't lift him by myself. A week ago I hired a caregiver to help me until my husband retires at the end of the year, and it was the best decision I could have made. I don't know what your financial situation is, but if you can afford it ($15 - 25hr in my area depending on the level of support) I would highly recommend hiring someone to be at home with your wife while you are at work. If you can't afford it, maybe a family member, friend, or neighbor can stay with her. She will receive the kind of assistance that will keep her safe and you will have peace of mind. Your helper can retrieve misplaced items and keep her mentally engaged. Not only is my caregiver helping tremendously with my father's daily care, I'm learning a lot from her.

As for dealing with the behaviors, I can only tell you that patience and your tone of voice with her are key. You have to keep telling yourself that it is the disease you are seeing and respond with calm reassurance especially when she's misplacing things or when she can't find things. When my dad would repeat (he used to read the same article to me over and over), I just calmly listened because he was obviously repeating what he found interesting or important and after about the third time I just redirected the topic to something else, like "Oh yes, that reminds me of the time when we..." and he would drop what he was repeating.

I won't lie, the journey ahead is physically and emotionally hard, but I take solace in knowing that I'm going to surround my father with love an support until his last day, but it takes help from family and/or caregiver support. I hope this helps you. God bless.

[Roberta161 in reply to Hidden]

we live in Lake County Florida and may it might be an option soon but right now I think I would hurt her feelings if I try to do something like that even though she needs it

[ChristianElliott Partner in reply to Roberta161]

Start here for early stage Alz support in Florida: alz.org/cnfl/documents/Chap...

Another resource: alzheimersfamily.org/suppor...

A suggestion is to gently ease your wife into the concept of an "activity and friends group", as many of these groups are centered around social engagement.

Hope this helps. All the best.

[Hidden in reply to Roberta161]

I thought my Dad would resist that as well. He was a private person and could not remember when we would discuss these kinds of things. When I first brought a helper in to support when my dad's AD was moderate, I told him that she was my friend there to visit me and I stayed home like we were socializing to let him get use to someone being there and the helper "became my dad's friend too." Then I started to "run errands" while my helper stayed at the house til I got back. Soon (after maybe 2 visits with me staying home) the helper was coming over to "visit" Dad and he comfortable with his "new friend" who would come over while I was away. It felt odd to lie to my father, but in the end it worked out.. he was safe and I had peace of mind.

[ChristianElliott Partner]

Several non-profits run adult day care services for early stage Alzheimer's patients - this may be another option to turn to on occasion. What county/state are you in? We can provide a link to local services.