Hi everyone. Hope everyone had a great week but I have to admit, mine was not and I really did not think I was going to get this one in. Hospice continues to increase my pain level meds in the medicine pouch. They are doing a great job of trying to keep the pain levels at a manageable level. I am trying to do a better job of pushing the pain button every ten minutes. It being Christmas has increased the number of visitors we have seen.
I have become weaker and weaker as the time goes by. Recent simple tasks have became undoable. For example, I can not stand up by myself. I actually have to roll over on my side (another difficult task) let my legs flop off the side of the bed (not a painless proposition. It actually hurts just to let my legs flop to the side. Then I push up with my left arm onto a sitting position and with assistance stand up. But I need to have someone hold me or I will fall down again. I need support while standing, otherwise I'm back on the bed again. Yesterday I was struck with the fact that after finally standing, I had to use physical exertion just to keep my head up. What an amazing revelation, I had heard the phrase my whole life, keep your head up buddy, you can do it. Yesterday I had to use physical strength to accomplish this mighty feat. That was a very sobering thought.
I have taken a break while writing this post for the last half hour or so, and I think that I have told you before that the pain gets worse when I am sitting up. Well, it does get much worse and I can attest to that today.
Today my pain level is at the highest that I have ever felt it. It's a shooting pain starting at my lower back radiating around each side, and pulsating up my spine, to my ribs, and to just underneath my armpits. I've been very diligent in pressing the pain button every ten minutes, but still the pain persists and increases.
I had an increase in dosage yesterday, and just a few minutes ago we spoke with Hospice, and they are sending a nurse over today to increase the dose again. So you can see, Hospice is extremely interested in controlling pain. But they're having to battle back with more and more tools.
My concern right now is that I am laying down completely prone in a position that historically has relieved pain the most efficiently. If laying prone is unable to reduce this pain, then quite frankly, I'm scared. Because it hurts.
I've received several phone calls today, and I am very happy with them. Most are Christ followers, and some are on the edge, but not completely sure. This again has given me a wonderful opportunity to share Christ because I know where I am going. And even though the pain hurts, I know that in the end, I won't have any pain. I also know that the worst pain that I am feeling is nothing compared to what Christ felt as he trudged through the street bearing the cross on his back while being spit upon and shouted and struck at with a crown of thorns smashed on his head - a torture beyond anyone's belief.
Writer's note: From this point forward, the writer is Jim's third son, Chris, writing from his own perspective. Dad asked me to finish the post because it is too painful for him to finish.
As I've spent these past few days with my father, I'm reminded of his own father's funeral - the funeral of my grandfather. My dad's sister read from Chapter 3 of Ecclesiastes, where it is written there is an appointed time for every event under heaven - a time to give birth and a time to die...a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance...my aunt invoked these verses in part because at the same time her own father was passing away, her new grandchild was coming into the world.
Similarly, I have reflected on this final season for my father, who you all know as Jim. My own son is expected to arrive next June. Apart from myself and my wife, only my father knows his name. My son will never meet my father on this plane, but he will know of him. I have taken to writing notes to my son while this experience is fresh in my mind. Perhaps he will find harmony with these notes in the future if he finds himself at an appointed time under heaven to care for me or my wife in similar fashion.
It has been difficult and painful to listen to my father tell others goodbye - probably for the last time - but at the same time I recognize how fortunate he is to have the opportunity to do so. I've read dad's posts on this website with pained pride. Even as he expresses fear of becoming a burden - which he obviously is not - he has managed to become useful to others in need whom he's never met. Your responses have been wonderful and uplifting. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the prayers and the well wishes. Thank you for the opportunity to share the perspective of a loved one, and may God continue to bless you all.
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JimBarringer
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We are all blessed to receive this testimony, thanks.
BTW- they have collars that hold your head up, as I recall from my father's experience.
Jim, I’m so glad to hear that you know Jesus Christ. You are in my prayers. May God bless you. It’s been heartbreaking reading your posts, but at the same time a blessing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are an inspiration and have an amazing family.
Thanks for sharing this look into your hospice experience. This tugs at the heart strings so much. Words just seem inadequate, I hope hospice is able to make you more comfortable . Its great to have such a good family there with you, ….. a big hug out to you buddy.
Dear Jim, I have read all of your posts and I'm saddened to hear what you have been through and the anguish that you are currently dealing with. Your fluent descriptions of your journey, and Chris's eloquent commentary have brought tears to my eyes. Your passionate faith in Christ is obviously making this difficult journey somewhat more tolerable. I only hope that I can have the strength that you have when my time arrives! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. God bless!
Merry Christmas to you Jim. Your Son Chris represents you well. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.It seems that this is your time. I wish you a good journey to heaven. You have fought bravely, and shared this last chapter with many. My hopes are to keep you as pain free as medically possible.
Like you said, Jim, you are going to a place where you will need no meds and yet will still feel no pain. May God be with you for each step along the way. Blessings to you and your family.
Thanks Jim for the updates. Your difficulty controlling your pain is a scary wake up call to us all. You’re living our biggest fear and so many here just wish there was something we could do to help. Thank you for taking so much of your valuable time to keep us updated. Listening to Chris you are a lucky man to have family with you at this difficult time. Chris, thanks for helping out and please keep us all updated. So many here genuinely care.
Jim, You and your son are an inspiration to me for handling the future my husband surely faces. Thank you for your generosity and I am praying for you to get relief from your pain. Be so proud of your son. Mary
Jim, you and your family are in my thoughts. Your posts have been invaluable and your testimony and strength in Christ mean so much to me. Prayers up for you and your family. Kay
Chris, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Thanks for your thoughts and many here offer prayers for your family.
We're thinking of you and how you are caught in this terrible, terrible storm.. The maelstrom will end soon and there will be peace in the valley. Thanks for everything you have documented. God bless.
We all shall receive mercy in the end . But None of us will not suffer ..I am sorry for his suffering now . I hope that his faith is in you also . We dont want to leave our loved ones . In reality ,love is eternal . The loving bond can not be broken by death . He is a rock . Even in this weakened state . The spirit is strong . Jesus is our ultimate mercy ! “Through his stripes we are healed “. Love always wins . 🙏😫🕊🕊🕊
Thanks for sharing your experience in hospice, it's really rare to hear what people are going through during this stage.
I'm sorry to hear about the suffering you are enduring and it reminds me that the end of the journey isn't always as comfortable and pain-free as we are lead to believe.
I hope they find ways to manage your pain and give you the comfort you deserve at this stage of your journey.
Jim...we are all so grateful for your real and honest posts. You've detailed things that most of us don't want to know but need to. Thank you for all you've contributed and replied to. Especially these most recent posts. I know this must have been so difficult. You are surrounded in prayer by so many of us for pain management and a peaceful journey. Chris...thank you for finishing this post. Again, this must have been difficult for you also. When you mention having "pained pride" I couldn't think of a better wording. Please keep us posted when you can, and know and convey to Jim that all of you are in our prayers for comfort and strength.
Jim my heart aches for you and your wonderful family. Please know that you have been an inspiration to so many. I pray for comfort and peace for you now. I am so happy for your beliefs. You indeed will leave behind this physical body as you take on a spiritual one. When your time comes I pray for a peaceful transition and journey home. God bless
I admire your father, he is in the last stage and he wants to help others still🙏❤️I pray that God will say no more , it’s time to come home before the pain is worse🙏
My hugs and love to your Dad, admire his strength and determination. I can understand the pain he is going through and I pray for lots of relief from the pain.
My best to you Chris and loved ones and tell your Dad we are all here rooting for him.
Haniff ❤️
God bless and keep you,and yours. Go into God's healing hands....
Chris, what a great son you are to take the baton from your father who wants to finish his last lap in dignity! We love to remember him as a unique narrator of his story as he fought against the deadly prostate cancer. We pray for a painless moment when the Lord decides when he has to say his final Good Bye to his loved ones. May God bless him and his family!
wishing you a very blessed Christmas Jim and Chris ... thank-you for be so caring for us that even though you are really suffering, you are sharing ... i especially am touched by your mention of what Jesus suffered versus yourself ... i also love your confidence in what you are looking-forward to ... that is so certain and true ... you are inspiring and encouraging and i am saving what you have written for future motivation ... thanks again ... lots of hugs to both of you ... i will offer this Sunday's Mass for you and for your intentions .... Nous
Christmas with loved ones and family hopefully are helping you through this most difficult time. We all are inspired by your strength and pray you may be comforted in every way possible.
🙏🙏🙏. Very nice , I watched my father make this journey last May as I now wait my turn with this battle inside me. RIP Jim. And all the other warriors we have lost in this war. God only knows when our time will come, pull your loved ones together as often as you can ❤️❤️🙏🙏
What precious words and your thoughtfulness truly inspires so many others. Thank you for sharing your journey and your son with all of us traveling the same path. I hope Hospice can find you some relief and peace and I hope you Christmas was inspirational. May your journey to find peace and comfort be an easy one! God bless you and your family!
Praying for pain relief Jim. I'm so happy to hear you know Christ. A better world awaits us all soon. Find peace in that you raised some wonderful children. God Bless!
So many others here have expressed to you how deeply you both, father and son, have touched us. Our hearts are touched and we hope for comfort for you.
Thank you for your testimonials on your/our future journeys. You provide us with facts, insight, and lessons on how we can cope and be of assistance to others at our most trying time. You have done so with such dignity and strength that we can only hope to handle ourselves with when our time comes.Thank you Jim. And Bless you.
Jim,You and your family are in my prayers. Prayers for relief of pain and peace. Thank you for being so open with your journey which will continue to inspire and help others. God bless you all.
Jim, I know that it is too late to pray for a cure but I will pray for less pain and a peaceful end to your suffering. I pray for your family to find peace.
Jim once again you amaze me with your never ending will to keep your spirits.You and and your family are connected to GOD REACHING AND EXTENDING HIS HANDS TO YOU.I want you to know that every one loves you for what you have push yourself to do.Your family will carry you through these times.To you and my family to yours family I salute you FRIEND!!!
We all give from ourselves even in the ways that we can’t calculate. He is still with you, Your father will continue to inspire you as he does to us. Hopefully his pain will diminish to allow comfort to once again flow.
James you indeed are my brother... When my dear brother Steve was suffering from stomach cancer in the VA in New York City (age 61 years old) I visited him the day before he passed. He said 'I was almost there and it ain't so bad', we never discussed where "there" was but we knew that he had almost passed away, he did that night. When I meet you in the big comedy store in the sky, you will know who I am right away because I'll be the only one calling you James. So brother when we meet I will not be crying I will be laughing cause "it ain't so bad"...
Now Christopher (third son from the top): You are a wonderful offspring from your parents and you are fortunate enough to witness how many of your Father's "brothers" here think so highly of him. He has described his ordeal in such a way that it may bring tears to our eyes but happiness in our hearts that he will be with Christ for eternity. May you're new child that's due soon be a wonderful and healthy one who will be an image of your dear Father.
(I like the name James).
Well James, As they say "see ya in the movies".....
p.s. HINT for Christopher:
I always tell parents that someone in the family should save all the day's newspapers on the day the child is born for future reference for when they grow up.
I Pray 🙏 that the lord comforts you in your pain you make me want to be a better Christian I pray that I can have the courage and strong faith as you, I will keep you in my prayers every night may God's mercey and grace be with you .....
I’m humbled and in awe. Thank you both for sharing during such challenging times. Grace, love, faith and integrity trumps pain every time. I pray the rest of us can learn and apply the lessons you’ve shared with us. Your journey is far from over Jim, and will be wondrous soon. God bless you, my brother. See you soon.
Jim and Chris, My precious brother and nephew thank you for shining your bright light on others as we all continue this journey on different paths. The common denominator is our personal relationship with our Lord Jesus. So much peace, a peace that surpasses understanding knowing we are in His arms. The support this wonderful community has shown my brother has been a blessing to our family. Thank you all for your care, prayers and love. ❤️
I will see you again where the Son's Light shines brightest!
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:3-5
I (like many others) admire you for your character and faith. For me you have come to embody Romans 8:38 and 39.
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
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Entered Hospice at age 45. 21 months after diagnosis.
Advice on options for Dad please , Chemo or pain management in hospice 🍀
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