Warriors : U know some don’t agree with... - Advanced Prostate...

Advanced Prostate Cancer

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Warriors

Wongle1 profile image

U know some don’t agree with the above word but a warrior can be many things it doesn’t have to mean an aggressive person

My hubby Steve was a warrior he was strong, good, a loving hubby, father and grandfather and when he got this nasty disease then that was when he became a true warriors don’t fought back for as long as he could

My Steve was a kind and gentle person who would never hurt anyone or anything BUT if he wouldn’t have fought the cancer he would not have been with us for three and a half years he also knew when he was ready that’s was on the 10/01/2019 at 10.30 in the morning a Thursday xx

So to the friends on here who dislike the word warrior think a little about the real meaning of the word and try to understand that for these husbands,dads, brothers, uncles, grandads etc they all have a warrior inside them to help be strong through their journey of prostate cancer

We also the ladies in there lives are warriors of a kind we kept or keep strong for everyone because when their journey ends ours just begins xxxx

73 Replies

I don't know what "warrior" or "being strong" means in the face of cancer or any potentially fatal disease. Afraid to show how you really feel? (To me, it is hiding emotion that is weak and dishonest to loved ones.) Is that really a good idea? And if one "loses the battle" or decides that the treatments make life intolerable, as one might, does that make someone a "loser." Who is to judge? I'm glad this language worked for you, but for many of us, it doesn't.

Shooter1 profile image
Shooter1 in reply to Tall_Allen

We fight and we battle this disease. Warrior?? I don't hide it from anyone and discuss it with any who ask. I am mentally strong but sometimes physically week. APca may kill me, but I will never be a loser. The "fight" and "Battle"' goes on. I will one day "surrender" when I can not see any benefit to further treatments, but that choice will be mine when QOL disappears for me. Words can not always express what we feel. Life is Good, but not at any cost. JMHO.

Boywonder56 profile image
Boywonder56 in reply to Shooter1

Right on ...bullseye....

rhenrick profile image
rhenrick in reply to Shooter1

Exactly!

Please, whatever it takes for you. This is all so over whelming for most of us. If you and Steve are, and were Warriors, then by all means be that person. If being brave, strong, and resilient make you feel like a Warrior then be that person. I say whatever it takes. You do whatever it takes to get through this. Enjoy the journey as you go. You know better than most, that we are all just passing through on this journey we call life. Steve will always be with, but I’m sure you know that.

Our best to you and all that surround you,

Mike & Barbara

St Pete

It is easy to criticize the use of the word warrior when one does not have terminal cancer.

Daily living with terminal cancer is difficult. One has to suffer the side effects of the treatments, loss of sexual functions, strength, muscle mass, and the disappointments caused by the failure of the treatments.

Then one has to deal with the fact that dying from prostate cancer may not be easy, it may be painful and slow. Besides all this , one has to deal with problems with doctors tests , insurances companies and economical problems etc. It is a daily struggle.

Tall_Allen profile image
Tall_Allen in reply to tango65

So how does the word "warrior" help you?

This thread was a response to Jacquie's late husband who didn't like to use the word, so you may have an issue with them:

healthunlocked.com/advanced...

In my experience, when both my mother and father were dying of their cancers, neither thought of themselves as "warriors."

tango65 profile image
tango65 in reply to Tall_Allen

I do not use the word warrior. I do not see myself as a PC warrior. I do not see living with terminal cancer as a war against the cancer, I do not criticize people who use the word warrior either.

To me it is a life changing event leading to a difficult journey trying to live the best possible life knowing that metastatic PC eventually will cause my death. My hope is in science which so far has been very helpful in extending my life (19 years since initial diagnosis).

Best of luck on your journey.

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to tango65

That is your choice you are happily one of the lucky ones it’s not so easy when it hits you in the face like a brick and you don’t get the chance to have so long with your family and no one can say what they will feel until the time is so drastically short I salute you my friend and hope you have many many more years with your family xx

tango65 profile image
tango65 in reply to Wongle1

I know the brick on the face. I was given 4 years when salvage radiation failed and my PSADT was 2 months. The PSADT is still around 2-3 months, if I stop the anti androgens.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Boywonder56 profile image
Boywonder56 in reply to tango65

We can all agree on life changing....the minute the dr mutters the words.....aggressive cancer...life as you knew it was over...i dont give a flyin f how strong a man you are ...how many sit ups you can do...or if you were a cia interogator....you " will either fight or flee"...whatever that makes you....i still respect you...peace to all who are in this club....maybe we could call us mousekateers....

How about a " worrier " 😬.

You are correct in what you say, what's in a word anyway, often it's the context it is used in that causes the meaning to change,

It's a shame that a lady's sincere posting about her late husband has been dissected due to the like or either dislike of one word.

Phil

rhenrick profile image
rhenrick in reply to Lettuce231

Totally agree. Respect others comments and differences. Having PC is enough for anyone to contend with. We can call ourselves whatever we want to help get through it

Lettuce231 profile image
Lettuce231 in reply to rhenrick

Thank you 👍🏻

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to Tall_Allen

Freedom of speech that was their choice I could say how does the word pray help people but yet again freedom of choice myself I hate the I or we will pray for you but if it helps people then so be it and if warrior helps the men and women and families on this site then so be it it’s a site that sadly we are all on for the reasons of lost, about too, or need information on medical issues or just plain love and knowing that you or your male family member does not need to go through it alone as I said I lost my boo nearly 3 years ago but I still find myself on here why because it is a fantastic place for me to come as I know they all understand what I went through my boo went through and what me and my family are still going through we all need something to believe in be it warriors, god , science or just mankind there is no right or wrong whatever it takes to get through the horrendous horrible disease xx

tango65 profile image
tango65 in reply to Wongle1

Well said!!

Tall_Allen profile image
Tall_Allen in reply to Wongle1

I agree that there is no right or wrong - whatever gets one thru it. But you were urging others to think of themselves as warriors. Here's what you wrote: " think a little about the real meaning of the word and try to understand that for these husbands,dads, brothers, uncles, grandads etc they all have a warrior inside them to help be strong through their journey of prostate cancer" You stated this in response to Jacquie's post, as if you have some special insight about "inner warriors" and "being strong." I'm glad you've changed your mind from your original post on this subject.

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to Tall_Allen

You took it in the wrong text and no I still agree haven’t changed my mind and was not being derogatory in anyway to one person it was to many I haven’t changed my mind I still believe in what I want but thank you for your thoughts

Kumbaya Oooorah.... Great thoughts that run together....

Kaliber profile image
Kaliber in reply to Shooter1

Love ya buddy ❤️❤️❤️

Wongle1, you have been thru a lot. I read your bio page. You yourself are admirable. If the tables were turned I don’t know if I could come back to the place where I had invested time and hope of a longer life for my spouse without feeling complete sadness as it being a reminder that it is over. I think it would become a place of complete sadness. But of course, I am only speculating. Thank you for your presence.

I am totally on the fence. Totally neutral on this. Early on in finding us here I was struck though by the frequent use of Warrior. I think of it more as a metaphor for who we are. Our fate is often phrased as a battle (society frequently states “he/she lost their battle with cancer”) so being Warrior’s as a metaphor for that makes some sense.

Seeing “Warrior” so often has caused me to reflect on the Argus album by Wishbone Ash. There is a song called Warrior and it doesn’t reflect or translate that well to myself or PCa in my opinion. I can’t find transient messages that I can apply to myself from the Lyrics. When I pass, I think the lyrics in the same Argus album to the song Throw Down the Sword and Sometime World will be more fitting. BTW I’ll be playing air guitar in heaven. I always went to the Argus album for the guitar work but after diagnosis and the “warrior” talk I listened more to the lyrics.

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to CAMPSOUPS

It doesn’t matter what name or metaphor we have it’s a horrible thing to go through for all the family and if your a warrior or a fighter or a saint does it matter as long as it gets you to a calm place that you need to be Ian still fighting my demons if only what if could I have done better as a wife but one thing is sure I miss him soo very much and from the day we found out every single morning I used to say and so it begins and even after nearly 3 years I still say it but as I’m said life moves on and you have too as well I have a new partner but he will never be my boo but he is a kind man and I love him for different reasons xx

rhenrick profile image
rhenrick in reply to Wongle1

May you be blessed with peace and love.

youtu.be/91iIe6mmwjg

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to dockam

Yes we are xx

Wheres george carlin when you need him.....

Kaliber profile image
Kaliber in reply to Boywonder56

Dead of heart failure in 2008 …

CAMPSOUPS profile image
CAMPSOUPS in reply to Kaliber

Saw him in person. Front row seat. Stage about 5 feet high. About 1983. ( "stuff", pay the toll for the guy behind you). My sister worked at the venue--got tickets ha.

Kaliber profile image
Kaliber in reply to CAMPSOUPS

IMHO he could be hysterically funny . I liked him best in his early hippy trippy days, but his observational humor era was great too. He still had a great , if somewhat obtuse humor …. in his older political satire days. Very talented guy.

😁😁😁😁

Boywonder56 profile image
Boywonder56 in reply to Kaliber

He has channell on siruis....his stuff on dogs....and the one on kids....worth listneing to on utube....hillarius stuff...." you know what i like about dogs....when they die you just goto pet storr throw it on the counter and say ....give me another one of these"

Kaliber profile image
Kaliber in reply to Boywonder56

He was really talented. His timing was what made his jokes work …plus his off the wall attitude. My kinda guy.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Cooolone profile image
Cooolone in reply to Kaliber

Once of the smartest persons in recent memory I could recall who could take the mundane and massage it into comedy... Simply amazing!

Seen him as well and at one point continuous laughing almost caused me to pass out, lack of oxygen had my entire body with pins&needles from head to toe... I had to step outside and breathe for like 10 mins and then return to the show!

I don’t condemn people for semantics, however I personally say I am on a journey. I don’t like to say I am fighting because I am not a fighter. Instead I look forward to every new day not knowing what will be around the corner not knowing how harsh the weather, the terrain or the obstacles that might suddenly appear. Or if a beautiful waterfall will appear. Or a rainbow.A journey seems like a wonderful, although sometimes hard and treacherous path. And I can look forward to the end when I will reach a destination.

gJohn

Shooter1 profile image
Shooter1 in reply to greatjohn

Wish you could walk with me, and talk with me and tell me I was your friend. All out in your garden with the dew still on the roses...... Sure would be nice to see you face to face and share a great beer with one of your fabulous meals.. Carry on with this journey that we will all reach the end much too soon.

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to Shooter1

Can I come lol xx

greatjohn profile image
greatjohn in reply to Shooter1

it would be amazing. I tried finding local support groups...but there were only a couple and not close and at the time of "rush hour" traffic here in South Florida...so I have met very few people with which I could commune in person. ** I did meet one guy right in the beginning....and he was in Stage 4, but "not having chemo because he was not going to lose his hair"....he was 78 at the time and I couldn't quite relate to such a shallow concept.. LOL... since I had been shaving my hair off since the age of 38.

....on the journey today....after only two days of getting out of the hospital for bleeding in my urethra...and NO bleeding either of them....I awoke to blood and clots in my pad..and when I peed it issued forth bloody, then clear. So I am praying for the journey NOT to lead me to the emergency room again. Gotta keep drinking lots and try to keep "the lines flushed". What a journey! Big hugs, John

I prefer the word Warrior to the word Survivor. What it means for me is that I get to decide the terms of battle, and ultimately when to surrender. I am an active participant in treatment decisions and do not consider myself a Victim. This group has been very helpful in providing tools to use.

There are many unpleasant facets of cancer treatment and it takes courage to not let things I am going through be all that I care about. I also participate in everything my family goes through. Thankfully, they are at a stage of life that is quite positive. I don’t hide anything from them but try to accentuate the good memories for them.

That is warrior to me. It helps me and my family to feel good about most days.

The words help me process.

This has been an interesting thought exercise. Thanks

Philly.

CAMPSOUPS profile image
CAMPSOUPS in reply to Philly13

Even when I contemplate it, what's left of my brain cant wrap around "survivor" with stage 4.When I hear "survivor" my brain hits auto-pilot and says " Oh, cured". Or total remission.

We all have our own way of looking at this, and I respect them all. Live and let live never gets old for me. We are all different and that is beautiful.

The only reason I don’t identify as a warrior is that in me it creates the sense that I am opposing a sinister force, fighting a war, attempting to vanquish an enemy. I don’t see cancer that way.

However, I can hardly blame those who do. After all, it’s reckless, resourceful, patient, survival endowed and ultimately suicidal.

I think of the disease as simply a part of ourselves gone insane, trying to survive at all costs. I don’t assign it sinister status. It helps me to not waste my life energy visualizing a battle with an opponent.

Instead I’m just doing my best to slow its growth, to keep it sleepy 😀

noahware profile image
noahware in reply to London441

Well said, I agree completely. I have tried to take a similar attitude with people who might annoy, insult or argue with me... are they "out to get me" or just a bit lost, having a bad day/moment? While it certainly makes sense to be angry, upset or combative in thinking about cancer cells, it would also seem to make sense to "forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to noahware

Forgive them as they know not what they do lol x

greatjohn profile image
greatjohn in reply to London441

Your words show wisdom. What titles we give two things make a huge difference. Two people having intercourse can be called sex, making love, Or rape. The words we use make a difference.

treedown profile image
treedown in reply to greatjohn

Good point John but I think there's room for all of these terms. The interesting point to me is how many people have considered their meaning and use. There's days I feel like it's a battle, and its clear our treatments are meant to destroy the enemy and our bodies are the collateral damage. There's days I feel I am on a journey and others I would rather not think of any of this. Its a good day I forget about it altogether. We are all in this boat and its why we're here. I really appreciate each person's views on how they feel about the defining words they prefer.

greatjohn profile image
greatjohn in reply to treedown

Speaking of names, I have wondered about your name that you use on here since first seeing it. I am one of those people one would call insane in my love of trees. In all my life I think I have been instrumental in cutting down one tree. It was a giant tree in a large backyard on an acre we lived on that was right beside where we were going to put in a swimming pool. Trust me I would’ve kept it anyway, except it dropped leaves every single day of the year 365 days a year. I have always felt bad about cutting it down and this was approximately 20 years ago😳. It was a sapodilla tree…I often use expression if a tree falls in the forest…

Just curious about how you chose the name 😊

treedown profile image
treedown in reply to greatjohn

When I signing up they said pick a name thats anonymous and not to share personal info. That day a very large tree had fallen over onto a house. The root ball stuck so the house was not damaged. It just hung over it. So I picked "treedown" having that fresh in my memory. Very much literal and not figurative. I had to look up what a sapodilla tree looks like. Apparently it has fruit? I love trees as well and whenever we find very large ones in the forests here I am in awe. I love the forest and spend as much time outdoors as I am able. Were lucky to have some small areas of old growth still, nothing like the redwoods or sequoias but still beautiful.

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to greatjohn

My name came about many years ago from my dad my name is Suzanne but my dad called me Suzie Wong from the film like put the kettle on wong then it went to wongi lol

And then when I met Steve he just started calling me Wongle and I started making storys up for our grandson about me being the queen of Wongli land with viscous kanids and cataferpillas and how I ruled the land and made everybody loved and safe xx

greatjohn profile image
greatjohn in reply to Wongle1

Oh my God! Another great story. I should probably share why I called myself greatjohn. It was from a guru that I knew almost 20 years ago that I formed a relationship with Where we emailed and chatted for a good deal of time. We had met only once in person and he came up to me and (out of the blue) Started telling me about my life my past and even my past lives. He was spot on. He was a rather well-known guru from the San Diego area.He addressed me as “greatjohn”

What he told me made a great impact in my life.🙏🏻

My husband has not chosen to describe himself as a warrior. He is strong and courageous and faces incredibly well the challenges of the illness and the disappointments of having to deal with the losses that PCa brings. He does not have a choice. Fear of the unknown is part of life but PCa brings it to the fore in a way that we had never experienced before. On good days we think of cancer as a teacher that has come to give us some lessons but there are days when it is hard to hang on to that thought. As a wife I can be as supportive as I like but there is part of the PCa journey that I cannot fully share - the inner journey is his own. The journey with its twists and turns really cannot be that different for those who see themselves as warriors and those who do not - if calling it something makes it easier to go through it then it is each person's choice. Those who pass from this disease should not be seen as having lost a battle. I read that expression in the newspapers from time to time and I do dislike it.

to·ic/ˈstōik/

noun

1.

a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.

2.

a member of the ancient philosophical school of Stoicism.

This is the word our Oncologist used to describe my husband! It works! I believe he is this way because his father was the same! It’s how some men are! I am lucky because he just keeps going everyday is thoughtful and caring despite how the cancer is affecting him!

Today 4th treatment of Xofigo three days ago Lupron & Exgeva. Understanding is my word if we need one.

And there is a modern school of Stoicism that uses tools and practices for having a happier more meaningful life in practical ways. It intersects nicely with my meditation practice and life practices. Very useful tools for anyone actually. I recommend one book above others on this: "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" by William Irvine. And has nothing to do with enduring pain while not showing feelings! Really good information.

I've been a fighter my entire life! I don't care what you want to call me, and quite frankly labels or words are well, just that... Labels and words. I grew up in the city (NY) maybe some would call me a street rat! I scrapped and clawed my way to a better life. I fought, and I fight... If you look at nature, it is the way. There's a reason why there's predators and prey...

But to use a descriptive to characterize a person's actions and intent while fighting a disease that has possible causation to cease their life... Well, I'm not sure that any descriptive identifying pacifism or submissiveness is appropriate. You don't have to like it, or agree to it. But words have meaning!

So when the choice is made to attempt to offset, stop or delay what this disease is doing to you, your body... You are in fact, fighting. You have made a conscious decision to battle the effects and try to destroy the cellular actions taking place, you chose radiation to eradicate the tissue that's gone off the reservation and causing havoc. You take drugs to change your normal bodily function which attacks the energy source for the errant cells. You voluntarily place an extremely caustic drug into your body to inhibit all fast divided ng cellular activity which takes with it, both good and bad cells, collateral damage...

It is what it is... But it's certainly not passive. It's certainly not submissive. Sure, we could get creative and say, use words that assuage our feelings, like saying we are "Users" (drugs) or possibly "Crash Dummies" (trials)... We could also be simply "Toast" (Radiation), etc... But in all honesty, those are diversions, used to move the mind away from what's really going on. And sure too is the fact that there is no right or wrong in calling yourself whatever it is you like to be, or associating with a particular human trait.

For me, as noted earlier, I fight... I fight for me and I fight in the hopes that maybe what I do, may help others. I fight because I want to be here and be here a little longer than maybe just sitting in the park feeding pigeons all day. It's my choice of course, but fight it is...

I'm wondering in a hypothetical scenario... If someone was to sneak up behind you and place a plastic bag over your head and did it so tightly that you couldn't breathe... Would you...

Claw, scramble, fight, pull, punch, kick, run to get it off your head?

Or would you just collapse and allow what was happening to happen?

Search for the truth... And you can then answer yourself what you are, or would be. Just because this disease uses the slow cook method, doesn't change the fact that you'd want that proverbial bag off of your head!!! Instinctively, that would be the reaction of almost every single person, period! So tell me... Are we fighting for our life then?

Anyways... As always, wishing you all the best regards!

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to Cooolone

Well said as I said we all have a warrior inside of us it’s human nature xx

To me we are all standing with our backs against this wall with our hands tied behind us and wearing blind folds while smoking our last cigarette and waiting to hear the final commands.

Remember today is Yom Kippur 2021, “G'mar chatima tova” “May you be sealed in the Book of Life.” Today is the day to atone for all of of sins for the past year.

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Thursday 09/16/2021 10:05 AM DST

greatjohn profile image
greatjohn in reply to j-o-h-n

Omg…I knew it was Yom Kippur. I wasn’t thinking this morning about that…But this entire day has been a blessing so far.

j-o-h-n profile image
j-o-h-n in reply to greatjohn

Can't beat a blessing..............

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Thursday 09/16/2021 6:52 PM DST

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to j-o-h-n

Seven Spanish angles that was my boos song xx

j-o-h-n profile image
j-o-h-n in reply to Wongle1

youtube.com/watch?v=3DhbEfg...

*** Click on Youtube ***

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Thursday 09/16/2021 9:34 PM DST

Boywonder56 profile image
Boywonder56 in reply to j-o-h-n

Forgive me ....father for i have sinned...i laughed at j.o.h.n. joke when it was not fiunny...

j-o-h-n profile image
j-o-h-n in reply to Boywonder56

Not to worry son, you are not alone.... I write them and laugh at them even when they're not funny...give me 4 Our Fathers, 6 Hail Mary's and 11 one handed push ups....

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Thursday 09/16/2021 10:07 PM DST

Whatever I call myself or refer to myself as IS NOT UP FOR A DEBATE! I don't understand why anyone here would challenge what or how someone would think of themselves or loved ones.

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to Joes-dad

That’s what I was trying to bloody say lol x

Can't exactly quote it, but said in regard of Norm McDonald's death from cancer. When the cancer kills you, it dies too. So it always ends in a draw.

Thats a keeper….in the end, it is always a draw. Saved. Thank you Spencer Boy. My best to you and yours,Mike

My, my Wongle1. What a hornet's nest you've stirred up. It is so nice you still check up on us even after 3 years. I trust that things are going well. Monte, just call me Gladiator

j-o-h-n profile image
j-o-h-n in reply to monte1111

Ok Gladheateher................

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Thursday 09/16/2021 6:39 PM DST

monte1111 profile image
monte1111 in reply to j-o-h-n

You are officially fined 3 euros. Please return your Big Red Nose immediately. Over the line. Over the line.

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to monte1111

Got a red bum lol x

j-o-h-n profile image
j-o-h-n in reply to monte1111

Can I keep my size 17 shoes? Under the line....

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Thursday 09/16/2021 9:26 PM DST

Boywonder56 profile image
Boywonder56 in reply to j-o-h-n

Or my handle....gladi8her

j-o-h-n profile image
j-o-h-n in reply to Boywonder56

Guess you got me licked.... again....

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Thursday 09/16/2021 10:09 PM DST

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to monte1111

I didn’t mean too x

Wongle1 profile image
Wongle1 in reply to monte1111

Not really lol miss my boo soo very much xx

There are warriors by intrinsic nature. They are the ones who protect the community, and who go to actual wars without hesitation. There are those who in warrior traditions: families of military or police or first-responders traditions. In India the caste of warriors called Kshatryas. That was Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita.Then there are warriors whose nature is peaceful, but a fight is thrust upon them. And they rise to respond. They do not accept that which is un acceptable. They say "NO, I will stand against this." Whether a principle, a country, an invader or a disease.

I was not a warrior by nature or by culture. But courage called me to join the Marine Corps in 1968 in what, I did not know then was an unworthy war.

This fight against prostate cancer and cancer in general is the fight I have now chosen. And I stand with all who fight it for their own life or for that of someone they love. Is that not all of us?

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