Hopeful No More: Dear Malecare Family... - Advanced Prostate...

Advanced Prostate Cancer
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Hopeful No More

HOPEFULSPOUSE
HOPEFULSPOUSE
104 Replies

Dear Malecare Family,

Although I only discovered this site last year and haven't met any of you in person (except for Darryl and GreatJohn at the NYC conference in October), in a short time you all become my brothers and sisters as I relied on you for information, inspiration and support.

I apologize for the radio silence as of late, but my grief is all encompassing and right now feels never ending.

Below is a link to Gordon's obit which doesn't begin to characterize the amazing human being that I had the privilege to call my husband.

Wishing each one of you Godspeed on your journey, hope you know that I'm with you in spirit, rooting for you every step of the way.

With love and gratitude,

Emily

funeral-notices.co.uk/natio...

104 Replies
oldestnewest
dockam

Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear of his passing. My deepest condolences to you and the family.

Rest in Peace Sir and suffer no more

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much

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greatjohn

Emily....

So sorry for your loss. I regret that I didn't get to meet Gordon, but was thrilled to have gotten to meet you in NY.

gJohn & Richard

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you gJohn, your attitude and posts were so inspiring to us both.

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Dachshundlove

Dear Emily:It sounds like Gorden was a wonderful soul who lived a big life on this earth. I cannot imagine what loss this is for you.

I hope you find ways to fill your days and distract yourself from the inevitable sadness. We will be here thinking of you too.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much for your kind words.

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Fuzzman77

I hate this disease. May peace be with you.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Me too - wish my hate for it were enough to kill it dead.

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Lyubov

Please accept my heartfelt condolences, Emily, on your terrible loss of your beloved Gordon. His obituary is beautiful & a testament to his legacy as an artist. With my thoughts & prayers for your strength, Lyubov

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much for reading his obit - he was truly a special soul.

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beatPC

Please accept my condolences. The victim is never only the one struck by the disease. We appreciate those like you who provide support to those like us. I pray for blessings and comfort for you and your family.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much. Yes, so many victims - including all the doctors and nurses who have Stockholm syndrome to big pharma.

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AlanMeyer

I'm very sorry to hear of Gordon's passing. I wish you peace.

Alan

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you

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Tmetz

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Sending prayers to you for strength and peace.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE
HOPEFULSPOUSE
in reply to Tmetz

Thank you

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LearnAll

I am so sorry to hear this news. You became like a family member to this forum as you have been a great communicator. You stood by your husband like a rock and has been a devoted wife. An exemplary spouse who does not give up even in most tough times. I pray to God for peace to his soul and serenity for you.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you, I felt the same way - as did Gordon, although he wasn't officialy "on" the site - he read so many posts and felt so comforted by the commonality of experience. We fought so hard - right up until the last day.

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Nalakrats

I am running out of ways to express condolences, as over the 3.5 years here on this site , we have lost so many. Others have been lost and we never got notified. Communication just ends one day.

Emily, after reading the notice, I felt I missed meeting someone who would have added to the growth of my person.

In Hebrew, for those survivors, there is a teaching about a special place. And I so wish it for you and your family. It is called the Shalom Ha Gadol. We believe it is a Great Peace, that transcends time. I Pray you and family receive this special peace.

Shalom Ha Gadol,

Nalakrats

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you Nalakrats for the kind and beautiful words.

Thank you especially for taking the time to read his obit.

We both relished your posts, looked forward to them and implemented so much of what you shared, which no doubt extended our time together. I am eternally grateful.

Namaste,

Emiy

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Collarpurple

I am sorry for your loss. These words seem so Inadequate because I really want is to yell No More Cancer. No more pain No more death from this evil thing.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much - me too. When will PCa get the attention it deserves. . .

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tallguy2

With sincere sympathy for your loss of your beloved Gordon. What a life he lived!

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much, grateful to you for reading his obit.

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Darryl
DarrylAdministrator

May his memory be a blessing

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you Darryl, this site was definitely a blessing in so many ways, only wish we had discovered it sooner.

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TNCanuck

I'm so very sorry, Emily. You will be in my prayers.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you

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2dee

What a wonderful gift of your time together.

Poor words can never express our compassionate feelings for you at this time.

2Dee

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HOPEFULSPOUSE
HOPEFULSPOUSE
in reply to 2dee

Thank you, yes, trying to focus on gratitude for the time we did have together

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Emily, I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, am a wife of a wonderful man with stage 4 metastatic prostate cancer. Your writeup was beautiful! I hope that all your memories help you during this very difficult time.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much, appreciate you taking the time to read his obit. He was such a remarkable man. Wishing you hope, peace and love on your journey. I'm sure you know what an important role you have.

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Lisa0627

I am hopeful that someday, there will be a cure for this disease that takes such amazing men from us all too soon.

Emily - May God give you strength as you grieve your husband’s passing 🙏🏼 Find comfort in your memories & the love that you shared.

“You used to be his angel, now he is yours” 🕊

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much Lisa, I do feel he is my angel now.

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JamesAtlanta

What a beautiful saying at the end of Lisa’s post...

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Lisa0627

For those that are meeting grief and loss, this is a helpful book:

“It’s ok that you’re not ok.” By Megan Divine

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you for the recommendation, I will add it to the growing list.

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lincolnj8

So sorry for your loss. Sending prayers to you and your family

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much

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Tall_Allen

Hi Emily-

I've followed closely the latter part of your ordeal, and have always been impressed by how steadfastly you advocated for him. In spite of your heroic efforts, the disease took him from you, and that is tragic. What an interesting background! I wish I'd known him.

- Allen

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you Tall Allen, wish you could have known him too. Thank you for reading his obit. We appreciated your input on this site.

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spouse21

What a huge loss, Emily. I'm so sorry your wonderful husband has died. You fought so hard for him. Thank you for sharing the battle.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you to you for your kind words

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msnik

dear Emily,

thank you for giving the link to Gordon's obit. What a sweet face......

I cannot imagine how devastated you are. It would be presumptuous to make reading recommendations (if that is one of your modes of dealing with your grief at all) but I will mention the name Meghan O’Rourke.

Also I like this woman's columns....and I am not suggesting them, but thought this was a good quote:

"Grief is as unique as a fingerprint"

Living Well, Dying Well

June 28, 2018 by Mary Friedel-Hunt

voiceoftherivervalley.com/l...

I am so sorry you lost your lovebird. I had not followed your posts, but I took a look at a couple of them after seeing the news of your Gordon's death. You were an impressive advocate for him.

all my best to you at this terribly painful time.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much, and thank you for reading his obit.

He was a remarkable man but the theme in all the eulogies at the three services was how kind, generous and humble he was. I think he would have been surprised at how much he touched people through these qualities.

Really appreciate your reading recommendations as well as the link.

Thank you again,

Emily

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binati

Dear Emily, I am sorry to read about your husband. I read his obit and wish I had had the opportunity to meet him. My deepest condolences to you and the family. May you get the strength to soldier on with your family.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much for reading his obit and for your kind words. Means more than I can properly articulate.

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ronnie1943

Hi Emily, ... So sorry to hear of your husbands passing.

I share your pain. My husband Sam lost his battle this past October 21st we had been married for fifty seven years on Oct forth. .. Emily, this has to be the hardest thing ever.! My heart is broken, there are days that I don't know if I can withstand the grief I'm feeling.. .. It sounds to me that you had a wonderful husband, like myself I feel that's why we are hurting so bad.

Wishing you strength and peace in this difficult time

Take care and my thought and prayers are with you.

Love, Lynn

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Hi Lynn,

Thank you so much and condolences for your loss as well. Yes, agree, this is the hardest thing ever - what is the saying, the greater the love, the greater the pain.

It doesn't seem real to me that in all our years together, in spite of his difficult last few months, he never uttered one unkind word to me. Not one. In fact, at the hospital, I noticed that the nurses came around often to, as one of them put it, "to soak up his positive energy"

So I am left with a lot of pain, but so much gratitude as well - for the person I am today because of him - and will be tomorrow.

Thank you for your kind words. Wishing you strength, love and peace as well.

Big hug,

Emily

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ronnie1943

Emily, your beautiful reply brought tears to my eyes. It seems our husbands were a lot alike..I received so many beautiful cards, phone calls from the doctors and nurses who cared for Sam. All of them saying how strong, positive Sam was and fought so hard with dignity..never complained.,a true warrior... Sam's oncologist Dr Ali at Lankenau hospital here in Philadelphia...came into the room two days before Sam passed and her words were..." quote" Ask me why I hate my job!! She said it's like times like this that I've be come so fond of certain patients and I have to tell them the bad news.

I said to Sam's urologist that I was getting a complex, ha! ... all the doctors, nurses saying how much they loved Sam. He answered me saying that we all loved you too sweetheart.. I thought that was cute.

Met such wonderful Doctors, Nurses, just wished I would have met them under different circumstances.

Emily, like I said, I truly do share your pain. It's so hard the tears come in waves. I never knew that a heart could ache this bad...

I thank you also for your kind words and know that I'm sending prayers and strength and love your way.

Hugs to you too!! Lynn

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Istomin

My deepest condolences.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you

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scarlino

Deepest condolences for the loss of your Warrior. Thank you for being a wonderful caregiver.

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Brbnbrn

What an amazing man... I visited the obit page. You two look so happy. My thoughts of comfort to you and your families and joy for the life well lived.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

And yes, we were wildly happy with each other, even after the diagnosis. I wouldn't trade a thing and knowing what I know now, I would do it over again in a heartbeat.

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Brbnbrn

Me too! My hearts right there with you.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much

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p00vjor

I am so sorry. May you find comfort in the memories you shared together.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you, yes, so grateful for the time we had

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Tub111

My heartfelt and sincere condolences to you Emily. You have been an amazing advocate for your husband throughout his, and your, journey. My heart aches for your loss, please feel free to reach out to me if you so need...

Take care of you now, it will be a rough road but we make it; one step at a time ❤️

Sheri

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much Sheri, I did my best - although in the dark moments am still second guessing myself if I did enough.

Wishing you hope, peace and love on your journey,

Emily

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Tub111

Those “second guessing” moments will eventually fade, but will take time. It’s coming up a year since my Chris passed and I still have those thoughts.

Just know it’s going to be a roller coaster of emotions and you will learn how strong YOU actually are.

My love and prayers to you...

Sheri

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Wdoug

Condolences, Love and Prayers for you. Let wonderful memories temper your loss and keep you company as your life goes on.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE
HOPEFULSPOUSE
in reply to Wdoug

Thank you

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leo2634

My sincere condolences. I can't imagine the grief you are going through but at least he has left this world leaving his artistic legacy to remember him by. Leo

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thanks Leo, yes he left a wonderful creative legacy but the bigger one which was a theme at the more than 20 eulogies at 3 different services was the one of kindness, generosity and humility. He was the kindness person I have ever met, so generous with his time and mentoring of others and in spite of his brilliance, so humble. Not a trace of arrogance which is rare in someone of that brilliance. So, I will use that to inspire me to be better.

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Bethpage

Emily, the obit you wrote reveals Gordon to be a travelling and artistic soul. He will undoubtedly find a way to watch over you, protect you and perhaps even communicate with you in future. May God bless and keep you always.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much, I have felt his presence so strongly, even heard his voice and receive so many signs from him daily which have been a huge comfort.

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Bethpage

I have a few stories that I tell to almost no one ever. Some souls do communicate. Just seeing Gordon's photo, his eyes, I feel that he is one of those. xo

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16starsky

I too followed the link to Gordons obit, he looked like a very sweet man, and my heart goes out to you for the loss of your Hubbie.

Words are not enough to express my condolences to you and your family.

May God comfort you at this stressful time, Gordons suffering is no longer, Take comfort that you were there for him when he needed you most

God bless you.

Kim (UK)

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you Kim, really appreciate you taking the time to read it.

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MateoBeach

We stand with you and hold you. You are part of our journeys too. "Semper Fi", for you and for each other.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

That means so much. Thank you.

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ChuckBandChar

I’m so sorry for the loss of such a wonderful man. What a beautiful life he lived. You were such an important part of his life and such a crusader. It is a time we all dread will come too soon. I hope your memories sustain you thru your grief. We all stand with you during this time of sadness. Take care, Charline

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much.

The pain is immense but only a reflection of the magnitude of the love we shared.

Really appreciate your kind words and support.

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savingdaddy

I’m so sorry! This makes me so sad...

May God give you the strength you need each and everyday! I hate this disease.

Your husband is no longer suffering. God bless you ma’am. Love and prayers, Kim

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much for the kind and supportive words.

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Pierreb

I am so sorry to hear this news. My sincerest condolences to you and your family. What a neat story of innovation and art in technology. I wish you well and Godspeed. Sending hugs and love in this difficult time.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much

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WXYZ123

Yours was the first post I read on this site last January. I am so very sorry for your loss. And the worlds. Gordon’s work was important and impactful.

We, the partners, have a difficult and sorrowful path.

I am with my husband, on Orcas Island. No more treatments except cannabis oil. Hospice for support.

I send love, and deepest condolences.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much

Sending strength, love and peace to you and your husband.

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jfoesq

Thank you for this posting. He seemed liked the type of person the world needs more of. I am sorry for your loss.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much for the kind words, yes he was indeed. Wishing you peace and love on your journey.

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Rocketman1960

May His peace be with you. I am so sorry for your lose but have great joy knowing you share life with such a wonderful man. Thank you for sharing his life story with us.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much

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RonnyBaby

We mourn as a community when we lose another member of the no one wants to be here club. Those that are left behind are not forgotten. May God bless in this gift and mystery of life we temporarily share together as one, in kindred spirit.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you for those beautiful, kind words. Can't tell you how much it means.

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monte1111

I am so sorry Emily. Gordon was so young to be taken away from you. We all have the could I have done more feelings. Brush them away. I looked at the photos many times. May your new memories be as loving as your past memories. I wish you all the best.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you for for saying , yes way too young at 59 and yes, I am second guessing every minute what I could have, should done differently. It's eating me up inside. But this community here such a deep source of comfort and I am so grateful.

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JamesAtlanta

Emily, we share in your sorry for your husband’s passing!

What an amazing life you shared with Gordon! I found his obituary - perhaps better called a short story of a man’s impactful life - incredible! So many interests, so many accomplishments, so many people whose lives he impacted. I particularly enjoyed reading the comments from people whose lives he touched.

Please know we are all here for you. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that he is in the care of our Lord now - until you see him again! He can play his beloved music all the time now! He must be great - in his photos he looks like one of The Beatles! ;)

With deepest sympathy,

James

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you James -

Appreciate you reading his obit.

Yes - I was so lucky to have had the time with him that I did. I think he would have been surprised that more than his creative legacy was his legacy of kindness - virtually every email, card, letter and eulogy mentioned his kindness and generosity. Yes - he was in 3 different bands in his youth - as did most Brits of his generation!

During the last year especially people always told him how lucky he was to have me by his side - made me sad that they missed the point entirely - that I was the lucky one.

I like to think that he's now my guardian angel.

Thank you again,

Emily

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j-o-h-n

"Gordon Martin Druce" looked like a cool guy I'd like to hang out with in Inwood (even though I was originally from across the river in the Bronx)...Very talented and left his mark in the art and music world. One of us warriors that lost the battle but won the war. No more pain, no more meds, no more doctors, no more hospitals. God Bless you Gordon and God Bless your dear wife Emily. May you stay alive forever in your wife's and your family's memory.

Emily, stay strong and stay with us (we like you)... He "opened his eyes to the world" may we all do the same....

j-o-h-n Tuesday 12/31/2019 6:46 PM EST

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you j-o-h-n,

No doubt the two of you would have got on like a house on fire. And thank you yes, he definitely left a creative mark and also a more important one of kindness, generosity and humility. He touched so many with these qualities.

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boseley

So sorry for your loss, my husband passed away from this awful disease, 7 weeks and one day ago. I do know how you feel and it's just awful. They say time heals.....well we will see, because it sure doesn't feel like it right now.

Anna

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you Anna and condolences to you for your loss.

Yes, the pain feels never ending as you know - and well meaning people are saying the craziest s*** to me - feeling free to share all kinds of B.S. advice.

I have been reading a lot of books on grief and have joined a grief support group which starts soon. Hoping that these will help. Would love to hear what you're doing.

Big hug,

Emily

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Cisco99

That's beautiful. Peace and courage -- "peas and carrots" -- to you going forward.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much

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Annie1373

My heart just sank ,Be strong.I’m truley sorry ,you’re in my thoughts. By the way believe me he has just lost his physical body his soul will be survived forever

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you Annie, yes, for sure, his presence is with me daily and he will always be in my heart.

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Boywonder56

May good memories get you through the quiet times.....b.w.

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you so much.

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Sunlight12

Emily, please accept my sincerest sympathies. Peace to you and all who loved him!

With sorrow,

Sunlight

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HOPEFULSPOUSE

Thank you

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