Today would have been Peter’s 60th birthday. Last year we celebrated in Bermuda, the year before in Hawaii. I can’t tell you how I miss him.
Grief never ends, but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith... it is the price of love. Those who love deeply, grieve deeply.
It’s amazing how energetic he was last year during this time. I had caregivers burnout on our las trip together. He was up and ready to go. When we called the children he said, “your mother is acting like she is the one with cancer.” It’s hard to believe he is not here.
I will never forget the moment his heart stopped and mine kept beating, I will hold that memory forever in the depth of my heart.
Peter would say to his fellow sojourners here : “Hold your heavens up.” He would want you to take great care of your health, to keep hope alive and fight for life. He would want you to live and love and laugh.
Thank you all for welcoming me to this group and for the continued support five months after his death. I have made lasting friends because of HU.
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The other side of incredible love is profound loss— you are right. And, I don’t think it occurs to us until we stare mortality in the face.
You kept Peter’s memory alive this morning. This is so important. The world is full of people who will benefit from hearing his (your) story. It doesn’t take the pain away, but sharing with others can give this suffering a purpose.
May you continue to heal and find some light even on the dark days.
As a person in a long term happy marriage to a stage 4 guy who at the moment isn’t responding as expected to treatments. I cannot fathom how we spend our lives getting close to people (closest of all to a spouse) and then they disappear. It will never feel rational.
Thanks for your response. Make each moment count. Journal, take pics, create albums, videos. These have all been a part of my healing journey. Most of all love and forgive as you go along. Sending healing love your way.
What a beautiful post you have written, in memory of your beloved Husband. My heart breaks for you, my own Hubbie is stage 4 and do not want to think about what will happen, we live each day as it comes,
God Bless you and take comfort that you were there for him till the end.
Stay well, look after yourself, and hope you find peace
Kim one day at a time, one moment at a time. When we begun this journey Peter said: “ I know how you are optimistic, but I am going to have to cope with this by living in denial. I said however it works for you that’s fine! In the end he opened up and did a lot more talking than I would have ever imagined.
In retrospect, I think his denial may have helped me somewhat. If I were to offer one suggestion, it is to take every moment to create lasting memories.
My sympathies on your loss but thank you for sharing. I'm actually happy to hear that he had good energy and was able to do things a year ago, as what scares me more than death is a long period of suffering.
Yes that was his fear also. His was last hospitalized in May, he spent 10 days in bed and that did him in. He came home and seemed to have lost his fight. It took our son’s pushing/motivating him to get out of bed perhaps 2-3 times into his wheelchair and he sat on the porch one of those times. He was a very proud South American man and had lived a very active life, so that was very difficult for him.
Sending hope and strength you way. Please don’t spend too much of your energy thinking too much about that time. You may be much more resilient than you imagine.
How wonderful that you were able to have great times together. Grief is the shadow of love, and neither ever dies completely. It's not something we get over; it's something we incorporate into our being.
I recall the "Ras King P" and of his passing. I know that every day you miss and think of him. Viewing his pictures, I must say he probably is a very handsome and debonair angel. Keep us brothers the same way you keep Peter, in your heart.
Oh yes my dear he was always the life of the parties, a sharp dresser and just knew when he he was on top of his game. He even said to me I want you to look sharp at my funeral. When the children and I were palling the funeral they would say: “mom that too much fluff” and my response would be, “well dad loved the fluff,” and I would proceed to remind them of history😀.
I remember a few years ago I was the speaker at a women’s convention in Barbados and I convinced him to travel with me. He said what will I do around all those women? I said you will charm them and win their hearts. And boy did he!!! He ended up escorting the ladies into the hall on the night of the banquet! He was also made judge to select the “most transformed woman.” See I had done facials, hair treatments and shoulder massages and the women glowed!!! He selected, I believe one who was probably the eldest in the group! Well you would only imagine how the ladies loved him even more. He enjoyed all that love and attention. I loved him so much j-o-h-n, and amidst all of our growing marriage pains I always knew he loved me, I would say to him, “I wished you knew how much I loved you the way I know you love me!” Our daughter wondered after his death: “ I wonder if he knew how much I loved him.” I believe he did!
Fluffs da Stuff.... A man after my own heart.... Hopefully if we ever meet, we can compare notes...... Bless you dear and bless your children (and stay with us)....
You are welcome and remember tears are like the cleanser of the soul. Yes I do think it’s important to take care, even during the most difficult days. It’s those memories of the good times that get me and our children out of bed and through the day.
It is so generous of you to reply, thank you for taking the time and care. Yes! Time to breathe, it's the first thing on my daily agenda. Sending you warmth from a sunny day in Tokyo.
Hi,my name is Lynn.... My husband passed a month ago. I share your pain... Your post brought tears to my eyes . I can so relate to everything you said. They say prople can die from a broken heart. My heart aches so bad. I also watched my husband take his last breath.My husband lived for ten years with this disease, lots of bumps in the road.. ..it's a terrible disease...my husband fought so hard,never complained, he was so strong. Days are so hard,but nights for me are just terrible. I feel so alone..my emotions are all over the place.
Take care of yourself and I pray that in time are broken hearts will heal.
I’m so sorry to hear about your devastating loss. I can’t begin to imagine the loneliness of losing a long term partner. I know most of us will experience this at some point (most people die at different times than their partner)
But no one really understands it until they’ve been through it.
I’ve had 2 friends lose their husbands in the last 12 months. Both without warning and they are both finding a way forward. The better days begin to come again. Please keep reaching out.
Please accept my Heartfelt condolences. It’s the most helpful knowing we were there until the end. Telling his story will keep his memory alive.
For me the early mornings are the worst! I am so exhausted at the end of my work day I have dinner in bed alone, most nights, and fall into my coma. See we would retire early at nights and rise early mornings for prayer, meditation, tea and chatting. I never realized how much he filled my life and our home with his energy. There is a huge void in our lives.
This is a pain and a loss that is comparable to none other. I lost my dad, whom I loved, honored and still revere! I thought that loss was horrific and didn’t think I would make it through a moment after. But boy is this loss incomparable! You know Lynn, when my dad passed my mom, who at that time had lost both parents and 5 children, said my dads death was the most difficult, I couldn’t imagine that! She proceeded to say: “ when my children and parents died he was there to comfort me, now he isn’t here to comfort me.”
Please take care Lynn and know I am here if you need support. You can message/inbox me. If you are in NY we can get together and share stories, tea, tears and tissues. Some days I feel chest pains and know it’s not a heart attack, it’s a heart break. We are blessed to have had men we can love even after death.
Hi, ...boy, I really needed these kind words this morning . Your mornings with your husband sound so similar to Sam's and my mornings. ..as Sam started to fail I would make coffee and bring it upstairs to our bedroom We also prayed and would chat. ....Sam used to say it was the best part of his day. I miss him so much, I also like you have felt at times like I'm having a heart attack and then I really do think it's heart ache...tears just come with no warning, I'm trying to, keep busy during day, some are harder then others, but for me nights are the worst...... So lonely. Honest, Ive found myself saying out loud , I want my husband back.
I have received so many wonderful cards, Mass cards. Even doctors have called to tell me Sam was a favorite patient.so brave, fought with such dignity,courage..... all that is so nice to hear, but the heart ache stays.
I would so love to keep in touch I live in the suburbs of philly, maybe we could some day meet up. I'm here for you too!
Yes I also said this week: “ God how can you do this to me? “ I cry in my car, in the shower, in my bed, anywhere without warning. And as my little niece once said “I am not crying my eyes are sweating.” I know I cry and it’s a little better. Last Saturday I visited my sister, who herself is very sad over his loss. On my drive home I put on his favorite station which plays Christmas music 24 hours during this time of the year. Lyn I quickly turned it off because I felt like my chest would burst open and I would literally spill blood on my wheels. I came home to our barking dog and an empty home. Next day my daughter and I went out and she reached to put the station on and she said no mom it’s too much for you. I said no no it’s ok. Ever since I have had it on and off in my car. Thanksgiving I played it all day until last evening. Oh Lyn this is not an easy road. Stay the course my dear.
Hi, ...I meant to reply to you about your post. I'm not to good with all this tech... I am seventy six, received an I pad for a B-day gift and trying to teach myself... That being said, my heart goes out to you. Lost my husband a month ago and I can so relate to all you are feeling. You must have had a wonderful husband, i also had a great man. Miss him every minute of everyday. It means so much to me to be a part of this forum. So many kind people and all know what each other have gone through and some still are watching there loved one go through this disease.
Take care of yourself... Sending prayers for strength.
Wow..I am moved to tears with such heart warming posting. Your love for him is never ending and I asked the LORD to grant you the peace as you continue to live forward.... "“They who think that you are gone because no more your face they see are wrong --- for in our hearts you live and always will in memory”
Tears are healing I believe. After a good cry I feel my visón becomes clearer. Memories don’t leave like people do, each day we can pull one up to get through the pain. Take good care.
What a testament to your mutual love, it is so deeply inspiring to read your reflections, and they help me tremendously as I learn to grieve my dad's death. The death of a person we love transforms the memories we have of them; they become infinitely more intense, vivid and remain forever lodged into being! Peace to you,
That is so true! To have loved deeply one must grieve intensely. The memories serve as guide posts, light, along our journey. Know it’s a blessing to be able to grieve the loss of a LOVED ONE. Peace and comfort for you my dear.
Thank you. I was lucky to be loved by him also. His love was so pure. Friends reflecting at his funeral stated how he loved me more than life, how proud he was was of the children and I. I mentioned that he was the giant whose shoulders we stood upon to see the mountains we would successfully climb.
Thank you, it’s my prayer also. Each day I rise because I know he would expect me to keep on living. We spoke about these moments before his death. Do take care and enjoy the holidays.
Yes it’s almost impossible to not see him when I walk through the door or walk upstairs to our bedroom. If I can help someone along the way is all I ask of my Maker. God shower you with blessings also.
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My wonderful Father has left us 🍀
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