What does it mean to have "courage" in the face of advanced or metastatic prostate cancer?

[Darryl]

What does it mean to have "courage" in the face of advanced or metastatic prostate cancer? Are we fighting a feeling of fear when we talk about courage? How does death play into this? I was wondering about this last night, when I it occured to me that living "in the moment" also means knowing that each moment dies to allow the next moment to occur. So, I wondered, does it take courage to live fully present in each moment and then, I wondered, does it take courage to live fully when prostate cancer is reducing the moments we have left.

[JamesAtlanta]

Courage, to me, simply means we keep moving forward even when we are scared to death... Yes, I suppose we all have some courage fighting this disease. But as one of our friends said in an earlier post, we are all LIVING with cancer ... not dying from it!

I think too many people live worried about the past, wishing hey could change it, and worried about what the future will bring. I’m content living in the moment.

Hope everyone has a great day!

James

[pjoshea13]

Darryl,

I think what most men have is stoicism. We just get on with it without complaint. Does not preclude negative thoughts. I think that stoicism can be misread as courage.

-Patrick

[Dayatatime]

Not accepting the word "no" and never giving up. Being brave enough to make your own decisions when average doctors are trying to make them for you.

Ron

[BigRich]

Not going quietly into the night. Being part of the medical team, having an open mind, but making the final decision and standing by it. Your life has changed; however, enjoying the things you can do. Knowing God in Heaven has given you a strong back to carry your cross.

Rich

[Dan59 in reply to BigRich]

If it is my cross to carry, I am going to carry it to the end, is what I said to my wife this morning.

[Dayatatime in reply to Dan59]

Dan and BigRich, I'm giving you 2 thumbs up and an amen brother

[PeturB]

I'm not sure worrying about this is very useful. I never thought I'd ever get cancer, at 72 years old I have outlived (in years) my Maternal Grandfather (57), my Paternal Grandfather (64), and my Father (68) all of whom died from heart attacks! So that was the way I thought (and still think) I will go. The important thing for me at the moment is pain control along with keeping the disease at bay, so maybe I'll be one who dies with Prostate Cancer, not of it!

[scarlino]

As soon as we are born we are in the process of dying. All people tend to look at death as a far off concept because no one really wants to think of it actually occurring. We are no better or worse than any other human, except we have a little more potential clarity of our mortality. I always say “I can get hit by a bus at any time” so my cancer, while annoying and sometimes downright awful, is just another option. I have an eternal view because of my faith. My current time is but a pinhead on the eternity timeline a few years more or less is an insignificant margin of error. Do I want to die? No, but neither do people without cancer. Do I ever get scared? Sure, the unknown is scary. I just thank God that if I awake in the morning He still has something He needs me to do. Blessings everyone!

[Charlesd in reply to scarlino]

My husband passed away after a 5 years 9 months battle with CRMPC. HE WAS COURAGEOUS UNTIL THE END. HE WAS PART OF A TRIAL AT VANDERBILT CANCER CLINIC FROM JULY - NOV OF 2017-2018. HE HOPED HIS BEING PART OF THAT TRIAL WOULD HELP OTHERS DOWN THE ROAD , THE RADIUM 223 HELP KEEP HIS PAIN CONTROLABLE UNTIL THE END -HOSPICE & DIRECTION FROM HIS MEDICAL ONGOLOGIST AT VANDERBILT THE FINAL DAYS. HE WAS JUST SHORT 19DAYS OF BEING 83 ON FEB 3RD. THIS SUPPORT HELPED US TO BECOME EDUCATED ABOUT THIS MEAN CANCER & HAVE COURAGE TO SEEK THE BEST INFORMED TREATMENT. MY HUSBAND HAD GREAT COURAGE & MY PRAYERS FOR THOSE WHO ARE FIGHTING PC & THOSE CARE GIVERS BESIDE YOU🙏

[Hidden in reply to Charlesd]

God bless!

[Hidden in reply to Charlesd]

God bless you .

[1969andy]

In my case, "courage" is deciding to do the 8 week curcumin cancer protocol instead of chemo.

Yesterday, I educated an oncologist and research nurse 😂

[Nicnatno]

Darryl, courage is a phenom that is instilled in all of us. Each morning when I wake up, I face the challenge in living moment by moment and not look upon that I have PCa or have thoughts that I will die from it. I have been a diabetic type 2 for 18 years now and have dealt with the challenges of this chronic disease. It has not stopped me from the things that I enjoy. Same thing with PCa, I've embraced it by educating myself, listening to my medical team and supporting my current treatments which is currently consist of lupron and xgeva. My Onc said it best when I told him that I wanted to retire in 4 years, he said why, I expect you to live more than that. And I was elated because of more and better treatments still coming. As everyone knows, PCa is becoming to be a chronic disease also. We're all going to die one day, and there are million others to die from other than PCa, so I would encourage everyone to stop in having that fear. Live and cherish each day and just enjoy the things that makes you happy.

Nick

[Rogersw]

Courage not sure that is the right word as we all have to face up to PCa bestowed upon us by the lottery of life. But then I can't think of a better word we all have to face it, accept it,and fight it to the best of our ability. Easy for people like me in our seventies to say not so easy for younger victims to accept.

[Shepard]

I am proud of our many crusaders in this group. We walk together although we take each step alone. I pray for courage and dignity each day that I have had on this now eight year journey. To me courage is to continue to be myself and not be defined by the disease. Certainly it commands my attention every day, but I still live and envision further living in my identity. As it invades my being, I look for courage to withstand the measures necessary to minimize its power. I give it the attention it must have and then I put it back into "that black box" and return my focus to my living priorities. Being positive and honest in all I do makes me happy and functional. Courage is my wish for all of us to find the means that best fits each to be happy and enjoy the scenery on life's journey.

[MelaniePaul]

Hi Darryl and all.

Those are very good thoughts. Paul and I practice mindfulness meditation on a daily basis which basically is a training to live in the present moment knowing that each moment is unique and that each moment could be your last and appreciating life more and more through that knowledge. We feel that living in the moment has made our life much better because we are able to live each moment more fully and with gratitude and appreciation for what we have. That takes courage. It also makes life more intense and therefore it sometimes feels more difficult to bear. So, for example, when we think about the fact that our time together may be shortened by the cancer it is in a way more painful than it would be without the living-in-the-moment practice because we wouldn't be able to feel it that strongly if you know what I mean.

Best wishes

Mel.

[Hidden]

Speaking as the wife of a 65 year old man, with recurrent, advanced prostate ca, and being on this prostate cancer road, with him, since 2003, courage, to us, is many, many things. I am also a RN with 40 years of seeing illness, strength, courage and death first hand. And being witness to the absolute, most profound example of pure courage, when on 9-11-2012, my healthy 60 year old brother, tripped on his flip- flops and fell down the stairs, breaking his neck at C4 and becoming an instant quadriplegic, paralyzed from the high chest down. Sadly, he died last year. But he lived for 49 months, with grace and courage. Despite tremendous and unimaginable pain and suffering, he fought like hell. He savored every single moment of life. Doctors said he would never survive..6 different times. On a ventilator, and unresponsive 4 times, doctors told us to pull the plug. His wife refused. He pulled through and fought on. He was always kind, caring about others and hopeful. So many times, I thought, I would choose death, rather than to live like him. I would not have that much courage. He said, “life is life.” Even though, forced to live in bed the majority of his time, he called seniors citizens that were lonesome, and talked with them. I helped him make the calls.

My best advice is..keep positive. Never give up. Avail yourself of the best care possible. Don’t let the disease of cancer rule your life. Do not give your power away, to anything. When my husband was diagnosed, at age 50, his first PSA, Little was known. New drugs, new treatments are being developed every day.

We thought we had his cancer under control. Nope, it reared it’s ugly head Dec.b6th. We leave for Johns Hopkins next week. We leave in 15 minutes to deliver meals on wheels. Make the very most of every single moment.

[Dayatatime in reply to Hidden]

Spoken straight from the heart and thank you for being genuine. Your words resonate with me.

[Stegosaurus37]

Courage comes in many flavors. Sometimes it's adrenaline-based fighting THE MOMENT when the flak is super heavy and the SAMs are coming up in bunches, Sometimes it's putting yourself in the way of danger to shield someone else or keeping your head when disaster occurs. Sometimes it's doing that extra thing which inconveniences you but really helps someone else.

Sometimes it's what my brothers on this list have - the positive attitude to face every day with joy knowing we've got fewer of them than most. God bless you guys and the ladies that are supporting you.

[dockam]

IMHO - it's courageous for our Military and First Responders to be doing their job through hellish or dangerous situations (My Marine son spent two tours in Afghanistan). I am driven, determined, focused to stay around as long as I can after a Dx of Stage IV in 01/2015 - dunno if that's courageous or just that I'm in survival mode.

I'm living as large as I can: went to visit #1 son in London for 10 days this summer. Went home to Hawaii to see Ohana in Dec and headed to see granddaughters, son, and wife in Lafayette, LA in March.

Carpe Diem and Fight On

Randy

[Dan59]

John, That might be just foolishness, to bring that wrath upon oneself . Haha

[Gary94]

Courage for me is sitting in the oncologist’s office filling out the new patient forms and suddenly realizing that you’re there for chemo and not running out the door. Or the hair raising experience knowing the nurse is now turning on the docetaxel. Then everything is ok when you realize that it’s not that bad.

[Dan59 in reply to Gary94]

Same as first time cabitaxel today, not to bad at all so far

[Canoehead]

When I first met my oncologist, I asked him how long I had, and without pause he said “four years.” I told him I thought I could do better than that, and so I had a goal. I still get scared sometimes when no one can see me, but the rest of the time, i’m Driven by that goal. I don’t know if that’s courage, but it’s now my life. Also, some of the people I have seen in the infusion chairs next to mine are the most positive, upbeat people i’ve ever encountered. If they can do it, so can I. We all hang in there together.

[Bodysculpture]

The life we have have come to love the momentum we created unconsciously oblivious of what lies ahead

Now we are told in one sentence

I have been up and down

Laugh cry dance and wallow all in one day

Like one everlasting dream that repeats itself when I wake

I look at Wonderwoman and I know why

I know why she means so much to me

The sight of her lifts me from my selfish place

Her smile tells me

Denver it all right to die we all do but please you are not dying right now

Right now I am gonna give her a massive embrace

Just for a moment however brief

I know how good it is to be loved