Advanced Prostate Cancer
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What "LOVE" is all about! A "Wake Up" call to too many of you men!

What "LOVE" is all about!  A "Wake Up" call to too many of you men!


Stop being embarrassed, or afraid, or “just not wanting to” get down to grass-roots discussion with this important person in your life of what you are experiencing mentally/physically. GOOD GRIEF, men, you married this person or became a partner to this person because YOU LOVED that person! AND THEY LOVE YOU! So how can you shy away from being open and discussing what you are feeling with this person? As well as giving that partner the courtesy of showing your continued love AND listening to what that partner is experiencing from your rejection - your shunning any discussion? Even “courtesy” is not the right word. You OWE open discussion and shared feelings with your partner!

I have been hearing from many, and I mean many, wives/partners for nearly all these many years I have been serving as a mentor to you men and your loved ones/caregivers who are really hurting and feeling rejected because of the way many of you are acting – like you don’t care about how this partner feels – avoiding in every way possible any hugs, kisses, remarks, discussion – indicating you really don’t care about their feelings and apparently only care about yourself.

Men, THESE PARTNERS ARE HURTING AS MUCH AS, IF NOT MORE THAN YOU! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and “man-up” to your partner that this issue of erectile dysfunction that occurred as a result of your treatment for prostate cancer has knocked you for a loop. Apologize for being distant and rejecting discussion and get back on track with the exchanging of care and love for each other. I expect many of you think that if you provide hugs, kisses, holding close, cuddling your partner will see that as “wanting more.” You are way wrong. SURPRISINGLY, men, these partners certainly understand the “issue” and want no more than you showing your continued love and affection for them as explained above. Many of you men think “intimacy” must include sexual intercourse. FAR FROM IT, GUYS! These explained acts of closeness are important to you both – the hold the two of you together! Knowing the issue your partner is not going to push you to try to do something you are unable to do. But you most certainly are not incapable of pulling that partner close, expressing your continued love, returning to the cuddling that just brings you “close,” and regularly being open with each other discussing anything that may be bothering either of you.

PLEASE MEN, don’t play the “stay away” game with someone who has been so close to you in the past and wants to continue to be just as close now. Your partner is not just another person to be treated like you treat all your friends. The two of you are much, much more than that! Get back to treating this person you chose to be with the rest of your life the way you did when you first met!


DISCLAIMER: Please recognize that I am not a Medical Doctor. I have been an avid student researching and studying prostate cancer as a survivor and continuing patient since 1992. I have dedicated my retirement years to continued research and study in order to serve as an advocate for prostate cancer awareness, and, from a activist patient’s viewpoint, to voluntarily help patients, caregivers, and others interested develop an understanding of prostate cancer, its treatment options, and the treatment of the side effects that often accompany treatment. There is absolutely no charge for my mentoring – I provide this free service as one who has been there and hoping to make your journey one with better understanding and knowledge than was available to me when I was diagnosed so many years ago. Readers of this paper must understand that the comments or recommendations I make are not intended to be the procedure to blindly follow; rather, they are to be reviewed as my opinion, then used for further personal research, study, and subsequent discussion with the medical professional/physician providing your prostate cancer care.

Always as close as the other end of your computer to help address any prostate cancer concerns.

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others."

“Sepius Exertus, Semper Paratus, Semper Fortis, Semper Fidelis, Fraters Infinitas”

“Often tested, Always Prepared, Always Courageous, Always Faithful, Brothers Forever"

Charles (Chuck) Maack - Prostate Cancer Patient/Activist/Mentor

(A mentor should be someone who offers courtesy, professionalism, respect, wisdom, knowledge, and support to help you achieve your goals; would that I succeed)

Recipient 2008 Us TOO Intl., Inc., Prostate Education & Support Network 1st “Edward C. Kaps Hope Award”

Recipient 2012 Prostate Cancer Research Institute (PCRI) “Harry Pinchot Award”

Recipient 2016 Us TOO Intl., Inc. Certificate for 20 Years Dedication/Inspiration


My website - email

5 Replies

I don't have a spouse or partner, but I certainly can understand how a woman can feel neglected and hurt because her husband pulls away from physical contact, just because he feels like less of a man, not being able to have an erection.

But many women would simply love to be held and carressed, to feel that they are still desirable and worthy of the simple attention.    

And for the guys; manhood begins between the ears, not the legs.      If you can't have an erection, you're still a man.       And most erectile problems can be resolved with various methods----ED meds, the vacuum pump, direct injection or finally the penile implant.        If I had a partner, and were physically capable of sex, I'd have the implant, but the cancer is too advanced, and I've had to accept celibacy.    There are worse things than not being able to have sex.

So guys, buy some flowers for your wives, kiss and just hold them and tell you that you love them.       The ladies deserve the love and attention.   The prostate cancer is very hard on them, too.        It's a disease that affects both of you.      There is much more to love than penetration.



It's very thoughtful of you to think of the partners of the men with this disease Chuck.  Thank you.  



My wife considers my lack of interest in sex, time off for good behavior, someone told me this in the old group once and I thinks it fits for me too ,I feel bad to have lost contact with that person through the new format and I wish they would contact me in a private message

1 like

Well said Chuck.  I'm sure many wives and partners can relate to this.  It's the emotional connection many times that is missing.  The feeling of being valued and loved.  


You said it like it is....I went through the "hurt" 10 yrs ago. Actually wrote my feelings down on paper- 10yrs later we're facing prostate cancer again - same "hurt". Two days ago I came across my letter-my husband of 55yrs 10mo read the letter; we had a goood,open talk - IT MAKES A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE! It does affect us as much ...I get very emotional for no specific reason; my blood pressure spikes from average 118-126 to as much as 178! This happens when I feel like I'm the neighbor down the road or whoever!! Men...please communicate with your wife. It will make a world of difference. Thanks Maak for your thoughtfulness & caring - Elke


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