I am literally sitting in the parking lot of the store where I just spent more money than I intended to. I ran in for a few things I needed, proud that I was finally "afloat" (although barely) again financially and could grab a few things here before heading to the grocery store. I did the smart thing and paid my bills FIRST and, of course, I have my lists (yes, plural)...oh, and coupons! I immediately find one thing I'm looking for upon walking in and get excited because that means this trip should be that much shorter, right? Stay focused. Don't spend any time looking at extra things you might convince yourself you need. But, it NEVER works that way, does it? I find things I "need", my daughter "needs", and my dog both "needs" and actually needs. I carefully consider the price of everything before putting in the cart, even put several things back, but there is always something(s) that I seem to lose all sense about. The total almost sent me into an immediate panic. I don't want to leave a mess at the register, so I load my cart and start mentally listing the things I can return on my way to my car. Other than a colleague at a fairly new job, I don't know any other adults living with ADHD and have absolutely no support system. I got in my car, decided I needed help, searched for support groups, and here I am...still sitting in my car just typing away. Can anybody else relate? Can anybody help? 💔
ADHD and Impulse Spending: I am... - CHADD's Adult ADH...
ADHD and Impulse Spending
Hi and welcome. Yes-to me it has something to do with,,, I'm trying to figure out how to word this. To go out and buy somethings at times is a treat(?) I feel like I need/deserve/want to 'Treat' myself. Usually not a big dollar item. But then there are the some items I buy multiples of, then forget I had them or where I put them (buy at least 1 to use, buy another 3 or4 to lose-and that's not much of an exaggeration. I can only imagine how many pairs of reading glasses I have around the house. I live alone, so there's no one else I can blame). There's a kick of dopamine or some other sort of feel good brain chemical that gets released. There's something else to this I want to add or ask, but can't grasp it. A type of distraction? Hang in there.
Yes, that dopamine our brains lack and are constantly trying to find. I think it's gotten worse because, as my daughter gets closer to graduating high school, I have much more free time on my hands. Ironically, I have zero desire to interact with the few friends I have or go out and make new friends. I also find myself buying multiple of an item when they're on sale, even though I don't really need them because, what if I DO need them and regret passing up this deal? *sigh* I appreciate your reply!
There is something right when you said 'more free time'.
I can certainly relate as I've had this issue my entire life, impulse spending to fill the hole inside. Also my youngest child left for college last fall so I've had so much time on my hands to fill. Decided to re-do my whole house last fall with my annual bonus from work. Not only have I blown through the bonus, but now I'm into the household account just to get finished. Started with one set idea, it's expanded, changed, multiplied, etc. I finally got stern with myself and said, you are going to be broke if you don't get a handle on this. So I have made a "get finished!" list and will stick to budget..... hard way for us to go through life.
It really is. And so mentally exhausting. Good for you for catching yourself before going broke, though! That's an accomplishment to be proud of 🙂
Yep, a wicked problem that's plagued my life, so can relate. Slightly less of an issue since starting Ritalin, but remains the bain of my bank account. Have developed some tricks, such as I'm not allowed to buy until I've waited at least a day. Most important was my decision not to have a credit card. The only reason that my credit rating is good is because I don't use credit. I see that someone mentioned Naltrexone. I'd be interested to see if its available in Australia for ADHD?
Can totally relate and not only spent tons of dollars on "junk," but also spent thousands on gambling. I was upfront and honest with my ADHD Psychiatrist and he prescribed Naltrexone. This has been a miracle in my life. Within 2 weeks, I began to cry because of the change it made in me.
With ADHD, our pre-frontal cortex connection is often blocked by our brains desire to fulfill the needs of our opiate receptors first. Anything that gives us a rush can fill up our opiate receptors. It doesn't have to be drugs, like many people think. I can be, but for me it wasn't. Things that I was comfortable with was impulsivity with spending, gambling and even sex. ADHD help me to forget that shameful feelings that I would have right after as well. Even something like arguing would fill those opiate receptors. This all stopped after 2 weeks of Naltrexone. This amazing drug is used for alcohol and opiate addiction, but it also works for those of us with ADHD who's constant need to keep our opiate receptors filled keeps us reckless and failing at things we need on a day to day basis.
I've been taking it for 2 years now and I can't say enough about the change in my life and the life of my family. It has put controls in place that I never had before. I finally feel like my life is back in control and I can work towards retraining my brain.
I would recommend this drug to anyone having trouble with impulsivity. If you have any questions, please feel free to send me a direct message and I'll answer open and honestly.
Do you know, can naltrexone be taken with other adhd meds such as adderall?
Absolutely. I've been taking it with my Adderall, Guanfacine and Mementine for the past 2 years without any problems.
I have often told my doctor if I were given Naltrexone before being diagnosed with ADHD, I wouldn't think that I had ADHD. That's how much it put me back in control.
Hi I can totally relate! We have a small online support group we're just starting out but feel free to join us Thursdays @730 pm eastern standard time and feel free to messagee through the site it's ADHdsupportgrp.com
Thank you so much!
I feel you! I am just coming around to recognizing this as an ADHD trait. I didn't ever think of myself as a "shopping addict" or enjoying "retail therapy", because I always hated clothes shopping. But! Turns out I'm not an impulse buyer for things like clothes, bags and shoes (stereotypical "female" overspending things). What I over-buy is stuff like food. I love to eat and cook, and I'll spend way too much on fancy food that I don't need. I'll also impulse buy things like a brand new 2022 Samsung S22 Ultra for 1200 dollars, then realize I never needed a phone that fancy, then have to return it and lose out on the $45 re-shelving fee. Oh crap, looks like I AM an impulsive spender.
Having figured that out, and knowing that about myself, I think it's important to develop work arounds that work for me. I think you'd probably benefit from your own workarounds. But I'd hesitate to suggest any for you. For me, it's making a shopping list ahead of time and sticking to it. Asking myself "how necessary is this?" before I put it in the cart, and the last resort, at least making sure I keep track of the receipt so I can return stuff. My roommate is very helpful in that he'll volunteer to return stuff for me if I can't be bothered with talking to supermarket or store staff.
I hope you figure out ways to slow yourself down and think twice about your purchases, but you are definitely not alone!
I can relate!
When shopping in stores I’m not allowed to browse and must stick strictly to the list. I avoid some stores that trigger impulse spending and shop online as often as possible since I don’t like browsing when online.
If you have to go into a store that causes impulse buying try to go prepared. Bring candy or a treat in your pocket. Listen to music on ear pods to distract and create dopamine to encourage sticking to the list only. You can also gameify it and time yourself to see how quickly you can get in and check out. Or set a strict spending limit and give yourself a chocolate when you walk out the door as a reward for staying below the budget. We must know our triggers and hack our dopamine receptors as consciously as we can.
I like to contemplate how merchandisers, store designers, and marketers are trying to get us to part with our money and we must outsmart them. Even coupons can be used against us encouraging us to spend a much higher minimum than we would normally to get a tiny discount.
I was buying multiples of items I already owned. Now my shelves are organized with products facing out to be read at a glance: cleaning supplies, food items etc. I browse around my house to make sure I actually need something before adding to my digital cart.
Overspending and impulse buying is a common pitfall for us ADHDers. Medication, mindfulness, replacing one habit with a healthier one, and therapy are all helpful tools.
Now, return some of those items you don’t need! Give your daughter the caring gift of loving words and encouragement and give your dog the gift of a good back scratch and walk around the neighborhood!
Many great points, thanks for sharing!
I didn't realize that listening on my earbuds while shopping was helping me stick to my list, but now I realize that the last couple of times I did so, I actually didn't do any impulse spending. Getting a dopamine fix in my ears while I shop, genius!
(Walmart and other stores offer "free wi-fi" to keep shoppers in the store longer. Now I'll be using it against them so I can listen to Spotify or podcasts while I shop!)
And regarding your last points... children and dogs alike enjoy praise, and spell LOVE = "T-I-M-E".
Yes, I can. The only thing that has helped is, being unemployed and having other people support me and I don't want to waste their money. My sister, has another account so I don't waste everything. If I have access to it, it is almost impossible to save anything. It definetly has to do with being lonely. I don't have many friends, and my mother is the only person I have consistent contact, and sometimes we butt heads because she thinks I can control ADHD, and that my house can remain clean. Clearly, it can't because she comes to check on it because she doesn't want me tossed. That is a real concern, so I have to be real careful. Plus, they do have inspections. Sorry, I started ranting.
Absolutely don't apologize. I completely understand where you're coming from. I've always struggled to keep my house clean. In fact, some of the things I bought yesterday were several storage bins in a variety of sizes to help organize "everything" in my house because...maybe then I will be able to keep it clean? I don't know, but I've always been like this (constantly trying to redo/improve things).
oooh man. I definitely fluctuate between impulsive buys that I don’t need to otherwise getting so focused on wanting to get something that I spend hours and hours looking at them, only to get too overwhelmed and buy it just to make the process stop or never buy it and coach myself through letting it go.
I also do the reward purchase thing. Like going to the doctor means I get a reward and go get a cookie. Or going grocery shopping I then buy a snack for completing it. I’m trying to move away from food being a reward, because I usually choose something sugary and I’m realizing what I’m needing is dopamine and wanting to give it to myself in healthier ways.
Yup! Sooooo hard. I guess it matters whether your spending is causing you conflict or inability to function. I mean whether you argue with your partner about it, or you can't pay for what you need.
Sounds like you did a great job paying your bills! Fantastic. 
That's boring stuff and really hard.
I wonder if it would help to bring only the amount of cash you plan to spend in a place that tends to trigger you to spend extra?
It's common to spend money on things we want but don't need.
I find that it helps a LOT to look only at the floor while going to the spot I need. And earplugs may help if that music they play gets you all too much into a party feeling. Marketing people study how to trigger the overspending behavior.
Hugs!
this is definitely a toxic trait I struggle with. It has sparked fights between my partner and I. I try to flip between two mindsets when I do the shopping depending on what it’s for. I need to get that treasure hunt fix so I love going to thrift stores for as many things as possible, because I get both the dopamine feed from hunting for the perfect item or something unexpected. If I end up regretting the purchase I don’t feel bad donating it back, or about the money spent as I rarely spend more than $10 on any given item.
I avoid going to places like target because it is designed to stoke impulsivity in people. I only go if there is a specific purpose, and I set a rigid list. I have gotten better at training my mind not do go into hunt mode? but it’s harder the longer I’m in a space.
If I’m in a good financial spot I’ll set a flex budget, so if I want that extra ‘need’ that’s on some sort of great sale, I don’t feel guilty getting it. If it’s over that amount I allow, I put one on hold. That way I feel like I can get it if it’s still something I want in a few days. The hold counter is often my savior. I get to stand in line, put it on the counter, talk about why I like it with the cashier and be praised for my good taste. Makes me feel like I’m getting it, and I’ve got my name on it. Rarely do I end up returning for it. Gives me time to talk through it to someone, like my husband, so I’m not spinning about it by myself.
I just got a bunch of clothes in the mail i dont remember ordering. Yeesh. One skirt i like and the rest are going back. What i hate is how much TIME i spend considering "bargains" sometimes ordering then returning. I hardly go out so why do i need great looking clothes? Definitely addicted to this behavior
This is EXACTLY me. I've been better at in-person shopping because I order in advance and can see how much I'm spending (I managed to go to Target and only spent $5.04!), but online shopping kills me. I just sit at my computer all day hitting "add to cart" on things I don't need, and then there goes my paycheck. At least my rent and student loan payments are due the days of the month I get paid, but it's like I can't differentiate between necessities and things I actually need. I haven't put aside money for my heating and electric bill this month because I completely forgot about them and bought a bunch of stickers for my new laptop. Instead of saving money for gas, I convinced myself that I need coasters for my desk and nightstand.
We ADHDers often live in the now! There’s now and not now. Lol. Isn’t that what so many people are trying to learn to do, live in the now?! But of course our future selves are not as impressed with this fine gift when the bills come due. Oops : ) Lol
Exactly. Fortunately, I seem to be successfully convincing myself that it's better to save the $150 I just got from my side gig and that I don't need to buy a pill box--I can just keep my meds in my pill splitter if I'm going somewhere overnight. Although the box I want is only $9.99...
Yes, I can totally relate.
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Even though I have a diagnosis of the predominantly Inattentive form of ADHD, I still have enough impulsivity that I do the same thing when shopping.
It's not as bad now that on medication which is very effective for me. However, I've noticed that when I'm struggling with anxiety or feeling a bit depressed, I'm still prone to make impulse purchases out of a need to do something to make me "feel better".
The fact that you were making purchases that you saw as a "need", then that decision in that moment made you feel good. The total at the register did the opposite (due to the stress response).
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I would definitely encourage you to seek an ADHD assessment.
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Maybe the next time you go grocery shopping, write the expected prices and total.
* If you find deals that bring the total down enough to cover a "find", then you wouldn't feel guilty getting it.
* If you do a good job keeping to you budget for the shopping trip, then you can feel good about your success in doing so.
(You might also have a few items on your list that you can decide you can live without, for the time being, in case the prices are higher than anticipated, or you find something that you need that wasn't on the list.)
Hi! I'm new here, and right out of the gate I ran across your post and identified with it. I have learned that I only do well if I make my grocery list on-line and pick it up curbside. It's worth the $1.99 fee to save countless dollars spent on stuff I don't need, or on treats for myself to feed my dopamine craving. Years ago, I discovered I could satisfy the urge with a small purchase like nail polish or a flavored lip balm at the dollar store. That was good for a while, but then I bought too much stuff and started building up a clutter problem at home. Fine, I stopped going into stores and started ordering online. I discovered WISH and soon had packages of little stuff "perfect for gifts" showing up in my mailbox on a weekly basis. I got my dopamine fix three times that way - once searching and placing the order, twice when it arrived, and thrice when I gifted the item. Extra points if they actually needed it. Hubby and I are now digging out of clutter that looks like the beginning of a hoard from my impulsivity. Its a daily struggle to remind myself that I don't need these things, nor can I afford them now that I'm on Social Security. Medication helped when i was working, but I have side effects now so had to stop that. It's a daily struggle to monitor myself and try to make good choices. But you just do a day at a time. Best of luck, you are not alone!
Wow! I can really relate. Getting a hobby, buy the best gear to get everything set up, so I have it "in case" I need it, doing it for a short while, get bored, get rid of all that I bought, and start over again with a new hobby. Obsessing and getting way more than I could possibly need only to get rid of it without thinking twice. I had to come to terms with having a problem, it's embarrassing, I beat myself up because I should know better. I support you. It's difficult, but keep at it, return things, forgive yourself. This group is here for you.
I used to do this at Target before the pandemic. What helped me was shopping on the Target app & using Target Drive Up (when they come put your purchases in your car). I can’t go into the store, because Target must aerosolize some shopping drug through the vents. I literally leave with $50-100 of crap I never intended to buy. Hugs to you. You’re not alone.
And I have about $700 of yarn in our basement (oops) sigh
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