He works for a major company 1 1/2 years. At times it can get really stressful when things pile up. Company gave him a radio to call for help when things back up but at times no one answers or he’s told short staffed. 3 weeks ago he got highly stressed when no one answered his radio and he hit a file cabinet. He now has a write up that will be on record for a year. If anything happens again he’ll be fired. He takes responsibility for his actions but I also feel it’s the companies fault. Why give a radio if no one answers.
Since adhd is under the Americans with disabilities act I’m wondering what kind of accommodations he can ask for that will help. I’d hate to see him do something impulsive again and lose his job. I’ve tried to tell him not to care as much but his brain won’t let him. Easier said than done
Thanks
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Phianoposis33
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Workplaces are not schools, and while some protections are available they are not limited in both theory and practice.
Impulsive violence is a huge issue, and not one that is likely to be tolerated in any conventional workplace.
In fact, most workplaces require a certain amount of tolerance of imperfect systems and inadequate support.
I think looking for accommodations here is the wrong tack. He needs therapeutic treatment to address his coping skills, in the context of his ADHD. Given that he is an adult, for this to be effective, he should be in the driver’s seat as much as possible, not you.
It is also very problematic to attribute violence to disability or ADHD. The vast majority of neurodivergent people are not violence or dangerous, yet face negative assumptions and stereotypes.
well.. first. I'm his mom and this is his first job out of high school so of course I'm going to help him. It's what parents do BTW2- He has been in therapy and while I agree violence is never the answer, even his psychiatrist who treats his ADHD has written to HR about ADHD and especially in my sons case, impulsivity. There are a vast majority of people who do hit things (or themselves) when time after time they get highly frustrated when nothing is changed in the work place. Or some drink..Without going too much into it, this happened almost a year ago also. Too many people quit and they don't re-hire, but expect you to do the job of 3 people. Major company, that if I gave you the first letter (A) you would know who I'm talking about. At $17.00 an hour it's not worth the chest pain he gets. I wish he would quit- but he seems to not be a quitter. I wish he could be more like his co-workers and not care, but he's not like that. I feel he's being misused as an employee, put into the position at times he can't do the job by himself and is being punished for it.
Was looking for advice on accomadations, but thank you
Heya! fellow 21yo person here! ADHD is tough and getting fired is a common problem with many people.
While I agree with the other commenter that getting therapy and professional support will be of huge help, as well as your son investing time in understanding how ADHD present for him and similar stuff - there are plenty of social media accounts from TikTok, Insta, Twitter that do a good job in forming a community for people and sharing support. I also really like the youtube channel How To ADHD.
That said, even with all the support one can get, challenges at work can continue to exist and accomodations are OUR RIGHT. I agree with you that in the situation you explained it was the company's fault. Most workplaces are not accommodating for ADHD, there are plenty of systemic problems and barriers. With regards to accomodations,I really like the JAN website guidelines, you can check it out here: askjan.org/disabilities/Att...
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Also, it helps me to reflect and work out what caused a situation to blow up. what was stressing them out? What can be done in the future to avoid this? What can be done differently?
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Found another really great link for accomodations at work:
Thank you!! I contacted JAN last week and we are going to be looking over some ideas. And thank you for the other link. I appreciate it!This would explain my kids job..only instead of candy- it's boxes.
OH MY no wonder he's struggling! Yeah with jobs like this that are repetition of mundane tasks they can actually be more difficult for us than jobs seen as 'hard' but which allow for creativity and to follow our interests. Good luck to you and your son I really have hope that things can get better for him with the right amount of understanding !!
Hello, its a frustrating situation to be in age group in which employment is desired and is expected, and also be new to employment and find that the job itself triggers symptoms of ADHD!!!
Your son prob doesnt just quit or not care like the other employees do, bc he would personally feel like a failure and obviously he is not ok with that. Good job mom! You raised a son with integrity n work ethic. ❤️ you rock!!!!
On the flip side- when we have this invisible disability its very hard for us to discern between what counts as shitty work ethic vs what is a shitty environment and not a shitty us. I didnt learn to differentiate between that until a few years ago. I have multiple history of getting fired from jobs even when i was a top performer. My mouth and hostility got best of me. My thought was if others can get away with being lazy-and management can get away with being shadey then why cant i get away with calling them out on it????? 😂. us ADHD’ers see things from a different perspective and its a blessing n curse too.
So i wanted to add a couple things- the disability act n ADHD is a tricky situation. Employers will typically accomodate those stereotypical symptoms of ADHD such as distraction by letting us use headphones, take breaks, etc…. however, the problem with some of us ADHD’ers that is that most damaging ADHD symptom in the workplace can be our emotional dysregulation- we can tend to people please, bust ass, and then get overwhelmed, irritated and then we can either direct our big emotions inward( over eating, depression, etc, etc) or direct them outwards and sometimes scream or hit things, etc etc- like your son did. And no, not EVERYONE with ADHD but lets face it- alot of us did in past or still struggle with it!
emotional dysregulation n low stress tolerance are the 2 most damaging symptoms for adults and those are not even listed in DSM. And of course its unacceptable and of course its something we need to fix but thats why ADHD is sooo very frustrating. we are good people with limited ability to process, cope, n tolerate stuff that others can easily blow off bc they think more basic than us. somethings we tolerate way better than most. we are just wired different.
which brings me to next point. work accommodations are in place so that its win/ win for both the employer and employee despite any given disability. right? in your sons case- what accommodation would be helpful??? if his company started running a tighter ship with responsive dedicated employees that had great follow thru, develop an excellent work flow, etc lol. One in which workers were valued? lol that would be awesome. The disability act cant require that.
In short- the disability act is limited to only helping with our ADHD symptoms of distraction. Not our emotional n impulsive n reactivity stuff. That is all on us to get managed 😢 and until we do, we tend to really struggle. 😢
This is my piece of wisdom. encourage your son to embrace his ADHD and find a job that matches his current abilities, values, energy, etc where he is right now as a 22 yr old. Not a neurotypical 22 yr old. If us ADHD’ers spend our whole lives( as i did until late 40’s) trying to fit into a neurotypical world vs playing to our own personal strengths- then we will always struggle. ❤️
good luck and thanks for being a supportive mama to your son.
Thank you thankyou- you hit the nail on the head. I wish he could find another job but he actually doesn't want to leave this one. So I keep telling him he needs to walk away at times of very high stress even if it's to the bathroom or find some mantra. Thanks again!
Hi there. I'm chiming in on this response and another one you previously made ( "I wish he would quit- but he seems to not be a quitter. I wish he could be more like his co-workers and not care, but he's not like that. ") @WTFADHD has some good insights specific to the workplace. Regardless of your son's ADHD status, such a place is not good for anyone's long-term health.
TL;DR. Your son is a replaceable widget at that job. Leaving an unhealthy environment is being wise, not being a quitter. He can use his superpower of choice to take his talents elsewhere, and try a different work path. Explore, because everything is not for everyone. Tai chi is a great stress buster! Find an instructor who accepts that he's not training for competition and doesn't desire to be perfect.
RE: "he seems not to be a quitter – that's gives me pause as a recovering people-pleaser/ I can make it work under any circumstance type of person. I've struggled with trying to making everything right or doing things "correctly" in workplaces where people were actively sabotaging me and refusing to provide basic accommodations (e.g. email me/write the top-line tasks to be completed). I wasted years, effort, brainpower, self-esteem, talent, etc. by staying at those places. I now realize and accept that I could've performed darn near perfectly, and their negative behavior would have remained. Heck, I can almost (yes, almost) laugh about it now, but it's crazy that I was not provided a laptop for work while my coworker (same position, etc.) had one. We were both expected to complete work while not at the office. Your son having a radio with no one to respond is just as bad as the laptop situation. The non-quitter in me chose to figure it out! Nope. VERY BAD IDEA.
His company is not going to change, so I'd try to impress upon your son that working to prove to the company that he can do the job well while being treated poorly and not receiving usable accommodations is fruitless. Again, he is not being a failure or a quitter. He is identifying what works for him...which is an important skill as a healthy adult. The habit of him not being "a quitter" can often lead to being in other harmful situations where he deprioritizes himself–friendships, romantic relationships, etc.
I'd say it's not quitting; It's making a choice that is better for himself. It's about self-respect and self-preservation. You know he could do the job, and I hope he knows he could do the job with the appropriate measures in place. Most likely the company is NOT going to make any changes. In the end, things may likely end up with him no longer being an employee. I believe he would rather be the person making the choice of when to go no matter how scary it may be.
Also, tai chi works wonders for workplace stress! Go in person and find an instructor who respects that you want to enjoy the process and you are not working to become a tai chi master.
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