I would describe myself as a high functioning ADHD person, and, for others, this makes it harder to believe that I have the condition. However, there are times when the condition exposes my true shortcomings. An example to illustrate my point happened this morning when I was driving out of the garage without opening the door (something that I've done before) followed immediately afterwards by almost backing into the car parked outside the garage door. On both occasions, my partner intervened to stop these things from happening. If he had any doubt about my distractibility this morning's events were enough to convince him otherwise. I'm sure that there are others who appear 'normal' and live in fear of being found out as less than normal (imposter syndrome).
Craziness is second nature: I would... - CHADD's Adult ADH...
Craziness is second nature
Same here...makes it harder for others to understand the struggle for sure. And sometimes the deficiencies get seen as just peculiarities of a person...for example, my friends often told me that I had "selective hearing"...i'd be attentive when the topic interested me, other times completely tuned out. My mother thinks I was "absent-minded". And the strangest comment I got was that I was "reserved"....which was the strangest thing I'd ever heard....but no one sees it as a deficiency of the brain and a problem that needs addressing. Only the closer circle can be convinced because they see you all the time and can understand it if you point it out multiple times to them.
For me, as a former college professor, the quirks were seen eccentric and I used that to cover up, which does you no good in the long run.
I was once called "the calm one" when I was in a new working situation because I wasn't being super outgoing and talkative. I was shocked! I realized this person could not see the whirlwind that is my brain and the storm surge that is my heart. I realized I had learned, in some situations, to keep a lid on what was going on inside. The hyperactive is inside.
Separately, when I'm in public with someone who knows me well and someone else asks a question or makes a comment about one of my favorite hobbies, my good friend will often say, "Oh, now you've got her on her soap box! Get ready!" because I'm about to go on-and-on about my interest. The hyper-focus is hard to cap.
When I was in grade school a comment was often made that I made "careless mistakes" or was "going a little too fast/rushing" or "This was almost perfect, but . . " which after years of this, eventually yielded a sometimes disabling level of perfectionism. I'm now working on healing that one.
TAJB , we hear you and understand you here! I'd like to encourage you to thank your partner and do your part to keep lines of communication open for feedback. I'm delving into how to let my husband help me without making him feel responsible for keeping track of me, or me feeling like he's parenting me. Educating him and myself has been going a long way.
Careless mistakes, I got that often....the teachers who gave me good scores were the ones who forgave those mistakes because they respected my understanding of the topics more
OMG this is me!!!
What's worse is the first time I told a colleague I had ADHD shortly after being diagnosed, another colleague who knew me since we were children (and has her own problems including ADHD!) overheard and said "No you don't". As I was newly diagnosed I didn't know what to say back and felt so ashamed and stupid that I decided not to share it with anyone unless they were a close friend/ family member or if it became necessary.
Eventually I learnt all the answers/ responses and also that there's no shame in having ADHD, so I'm more open about it- but I still don't shout about it to the world, especially people I don't know well or who won't believe me, or if it's just irrelevant in the given context.
Sometimes I think "Wow my ADHD is well managed so it's almost like I don't have it", like I fool myself! But then something exactly like your example (or worse!) will happen or I don't manage myself well enough and I'm like oh yeah this is very real 😂
It is interesting how sometimes ADHD expresses itself in very different ways. Sometimes our coping mechanisms or covering mechanisms make it so others, even with ADHD, don't see it.
That question of "Do I tell him/her/my boss/my family member/this person whom my ADHD is adversely affecting?" is so real. Sometimes I want to shout it out and help get help and awareness out there (especially for older family members who have struggled with depression, or addiction, (since there is a high co-morbidity with ADHD), or never feeling like they belonged) but other times I'm very content to mask and do my best at acting neurotypical or just "quirky" or "needing sleep" or "over caffeinated."
You could also have anxiety ... such that you check out when you get anxious. Do you feel like your brain condition has held you back in life? Can you keep a living space clean? Can you meet deadlines at work? Can you plan effectively and prioritize? Can you do two of those things at the same time?
Oh boy do I hear you. I only discovered I have ADHD last year - I'm in my 40s. I work and own a house, I'm in a stable relationship and have two little birds to care for. By all outward appearances, I'm doing just fine. In reality, I'm constantly forgetting things, lose track of time nonstop, it takes hours to do simple tasks that should take less than one, and I am burnt out most of the time. My mind is always blaring like a TV and a radio both on at once, at full volume. I function after a fashion, but the price is high. No vehicular boo-boos like you described, but have I put my work boots in the fridge? You bet! That's the distraction - I thought it was my lunch bag, though it was oddly heavy for that. Now I know why I forget things all the time, and why working full time was too exhausting for me, and why sometimes I can achieve extraordinary things (through hyperfocus) when I can't seem to manage something simple like keeping the dishes done (boring, forgotten!). If anything, the diagnosis is a relief, it makes the inconsistency make sense, so I'm cool with people knowing. I see it as an opportunity to educate and potentially help others who may not know they or someone they care for are in the same boat.
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