Hello, I am a wife nearly at wits end with my husband. I'm not a doctor, but I recently did some research after seeing a Facebook post about ADHD and thinking, wow, I think my husband has this! He is very unorganized, messy, leaves stuff around the house without putting it away, but won't let me touch it because I put it away "wrong". He had little to no patience for ANYTHING. I'm very surprised he hasn't gotten into more car accidents. He is horrible at communicating, especially feelings. Very controlling, like to be in control at all times. He gets very hyper focused on something he will literally be on his phone for hours, ignoring everything and everyone. He has trouble sleeping. He has anger outbursts regularly (a lot of times I get hurt, never physically, but emotionally). When he has these outbursts, he rarely apologizes. He knows he's doing it, but he cannot control it and he blames his father because he was the same. Everything and everyone has to be perfect in his mind, if it's not then he gets angry. If he gets even a tiny spot or stain on his clothing he goes crazy over it. If something is not done his way, then it's not the right way. My son and I are constantly walking on egg shells around him because we never know if what we say will make him angry or not. He is constantly having negative feelings and holding on to tall the negative stuff that has happened, but never sees the positive stuff. He makes everything negative.
So, my question is, how can I help him? He is very against taking medications, he already has to take one for high blood pressure and hates it. I am almost afraid to say anything to him because he will get angry. How do I bring it up? I really want this marriage to work, but I'm about at my wits end with him. I feel like anything I say or do is never good enough for him, and all the constant put downs and anger outbursts is really taking a toll on my self esteem. I want to help, but I don't know how or what do say or do without him having an outburst at me. He's just going to take it as another negative and blame me, as always. Everything is my fault. HELP!