New with ADHD
I am a Seperated Dad in Florida recen... - CHADD's Adult ADH...
CHADD's Adult ADHD Support
Really, who gives a damn what she thinks? You should be out of her zone of influence now. Seek support from blood relatives and your own friends. Your adhd can be kept private from her.
More importantly, clearly someone with the medical/psych background and years of specialized training to make these diagnoses DOES If her getting on the same page is important for a reconciliation, perhaps she can have an appointment with the diagnosing clinician to learn about inattentive type and why you are diagnosed? If you are not hoping to reconcile, then just another reason you are no longer a good fit. Hang in, sorry you are dealing with this.
I agree with the previous responses. Why does it matter?
I'm going to project a bit from my own marital issues in the past. She doesn't want you to have an excuse for your "bad behavior". I've heard some kids in school say "I can't help how I behave, I have ADHD", as if it is a get-out-of-jail card. It's not. It's not an excuse, but it is an explanation. It also offers you a direction to get help in managing your symptoms. If you don't take steps to manage them, then you might as well not even know you have ADHD because you aren't doing anything about it.
Get meds. Get counseling. Work on being a better version of yourself. Let her see the difference (if you care enough to be bothered showing her). Once you get a handle on managing yourself, then you can get our there and start making connections again and see if the world is a better place for you now.
I love your response. My daughter totally hates adhd being a crutch for everything that goes wrong , but it’s definitely unique to everyone’s experience. There is help out there, and we are made this way , and God makes all things , “good”. It’s a process that sometimes need tweaking. 💡
Your ex is your EX for a reason, and her opinion may not be accurate. Just stick to your gut instinct. You will be surprised at how much you know about yourself. 🙏🏻
You are a dad, so I see why this matters. I also note you are separated, not divorced, so this may mean one or both of you are hoping for reconciliation . . . If reconciliation is not on the table, her understanding your ADHD still matters as it would affect shared care of your children. So, of course, does your ownership of your ADHD, which I totally understand grows a lot when you are very new in your diagnosis.
The timeline of your separation and diagnosis could be important in understanding your situation. So is your ex-wife's previous understanding of ADHD.
I am not in the process of separating, I'm actually in the process of healing my marriage, but I've walked with several friends through divorces processes. I have a handful of perspectives and things for you to consider, but I don't want to type it all out based on my assumptions. If you are comfortable sharing a bit more info (per my first two paragraphs) and open to thoughts from someone else who's relatively newly diagnosed (and married to someone who didn't really believe ADHD existed, let alone that I had it) then I'm happy to share more. I understand if not.
Grace and peace to you.
I would like to chat more. Do you want to exchange cell numbers?
We can chat more in the private message section of this site if you'd like to avoid putting lots of details out into the whole group. I sent you a private message. However, I have benefited from learning the perspectives of several different people, so if you choose to share more here, I'm happy to chat here.
Hi yes thank you. I would appreciate support at this time as I am a healthcare worker getting a divorce dealing with AdHD.
I sent you a message by going to your profile page and finding the "message" button, but honestly I don't know how to see if I got a message back from you. I assume I'll get an "alert" by the little bell at the top of the screen. Or, if you'd like, I can ask you some questions and respond here in the forum where others with ADHD can also chime in and help.
Thanks for continuing your work in the health care field. I'm sure it's even more stressful now than before Covid.