I wanted to know if stimulant medication would make a person with ADHD go "stimulated" and become, say, 'too active'. My wife with ADHD is considering taking stimulant medication such as Ritalin. The symptom or consequence we are experiencing is that her strong abrupt desire to "be free" - divorce. She herself finds it weird that she wants to "explore new opportunities" while she is happy with me and we hope that medication (or any other treatments combined) can help. And my question is that stimulant medication would be a good choice in this situation? The name "stimulants" would (perhaps just for me) suggest that it stimulates brain activity and push her to take drastic, abrupt actions.
After some research, I understand that stimulants for ADHD "work by increasing dopamine levels in the brain. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with motivation, pleasure, attention, and movement. " So it would help with workplace concentration for a long time but would that be good for our situation? I'd really appreciate your insights. Thank you so much.
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shurashura
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I don't know, but is she really having ADHD then? Or is it the wrong medication maybe? My medication is calming me. I am actually more happy in my relationship.. Maybe she is just glad that she is able to get things done..
Thank you for your reply! She is considering taking it. Has not taken yet. So not the right or wrong medication she took. So yours helped you to be more calm? That's interesting to know. I just didn't know that. Do you feel more clear thinking when you take medicine? If so which one are you using? Thank you again!
Oh sorry, then it was a misunderstanding. As I said, I am german haha..
My medicin is called "Medikenet", it just works like ritalin. But I also heard that a lot of women need to try differend meds.
Yes I am more calm and concentrated. My day is more structured and I have less anxiety in a crowd for example.. Also I can better distance myself from conflicts and endure them better! Maybe it will help you're relationship
Not-ADHD-people get very excited and they act like they drank too much coffee. I also heard that's how you know for sure that you have ADHD.
No problem, I'm not a native English speaker either, as you might have noticed Thank you for letting me know. Very good insights. Much appreciated! She really feels that she has ADHD after talking with her friend who has ADHD - Her explanation made so much sense to my wife. Also, in her family, there are multiple people with ADHD.
As someone who hasn't had a lot of luck finding meds that work with side effects I can live with, I worry a lot about not being able to hold a relationship. That I'll be happy with the person, but just lose that attention to my partner/relationship. Personally, I've had to accept that that's inevitable for me. Due to the lack of medication. Brains that are lacking that dopamine are going to seek it in other places. The appeal of something new and exciting is because new things have higher dopamine rewards.
My solution to this invitable loss of attention and desire for something new is a partner who really truly understand that sometimes I need to go off and learn a new hobby periodically. That me focusing attention on another aspect of my life is actually helping our relationship. They need to understand that I just can't give them all my free time attention 24/7 for 365 days of the year. Encourage your wife's need to explore in away that's healthy for the both of you. Encourage new hobbies. Encourage going to new places together. Encourage patience and understanding in yourself.
Even if medication doesn't work to calm her urge for the new and exciting (or she has bad luck with side effects), there's still things you can do. It might be really hard or stressful for you. I encourage you both to separately see a therapist to discuss what you both need in life and in the relationship. If you can't afford one, take time out of your day to journal your thoughts to define you needs.
(In case you think this is an entirely therotical solution to this problem, this is how my parents marriage has worked for 30 years. My dad has some extreme ADHD and never taken any meds. My mom has a boat load of patience and a love of alone time for relaxing. He goes out and socializes with others nearly everyday (indulging in his cigar/bourbon hobby), and often drags us to new restaurants or small weekend trips. But what works for them, might not be healthy for you. Of course, maybe you both have clashing needs in the end, but this is worth a try. )
"Due to the lack of medication. Brains that are lacking that dopamine is going to seek it in other places. The appeal of something new and exciting is because new things have higher dopamine rewards." - This sounds like a very clear and convincing explanation to me. Thank you so much! I see more clearly how her brain works.
Encouraging the partner to explore - also well noted. I actually, before knowing that she might (most likely, but not diagnosed yet) have ADHD, tried to get more attention to me in a way that might look very controlling or demanding to her.
I admire your parents. That is a very healthy way to live for both of them. The degree may vary but the fundamental idea should work for us too. Thank you for your help
Does she have a diagnosis from a medical professional capable of prescribing medication? If so they really should have discussed it as an option when making the diagnosis as for most people with adhd it's the most effective treatment (I take a generic of Adderall). Not all physicians do though, many don't really have experience or much knowledge treating adhd and so avoid stimulants. If she's been diagnosed and is sure it's adhd then yes, the stimulant medication might help but it can vary in how effective it is person to person. But to get back to your question more directly, you're correct that people with adhd or "adhd brains" have lower dopamine levels that neurotypical brains. The reason (or at least one of the reasons) people with adhd often make impulsive decisions or seek out new ways of exciting or stimulating themselves is because the same types of behaviors and actions that would raise dopamine and noropenephrine levels in the brain aren't stimulating enough to do so in an adhd brain, and brains crave that dopamine increase. Stimulants don't have the same stimulating effect on an adhd brain as they do on a neurotypical brain because they just help boost the brains lower levels of dopamine up to what would be closer to a neurotypical brain without stimulation. This is why caffeine (and many other drugs) is often not as stimulating to an adhd brain as well. This can be a problem when people try to self medicate using drugs, they can develop addictions because they have to take higher than typical amounts to feel the effects. So, stimulants at the proper dosage in an adhd brain will typically just help keep the dopamine at a level that allows the brain to relax and feel more focused because the brain doesn't have to keep spending energy on trying to find things to stimulate it just to get more dopamine. This relaxation of the brain from the stimulant makes some people really tired. It did that to me for about the first week I was taking my medication but then my body adjusted to it. So all that said, yes, it's possible the medication will help reduce those urges of impulsivity and excitement seeking behavior but remember that it doesn't permanently change a person. The stimulant medications don't last 24 hours. They are intended to help you keep your focus during typical work, school, or primary awake times and they don't stay in the body all that long so she might still get those urges when the medication wears off, or even while on it if the dosage is off or if it just isn't 100 percent effective, which is pretty common with them.
"So, stimulants at the proper dosage in an adhd brain will typically just help keep the dopamine at a level that allows the brain to relax and feel more focused because the brain doesn't have to keep spending energy on trying to find things to stimulate it just to get more dopamine. " - It is making much sense to me. Thank you for putting this together for me.
If I'm not mistaken, you use "Adderall" and it helps calm down your brain for a short period. But to be sure, I need to note that it might cause fatigue when it's first used (probably a few days or more) - do I get it correct? You also mentioned that there's a generic option, which I have never thought of for some reason. That's a good plus for me
Hi again shurashura. Yes, you got it right. The generic of Adderall is what my health provider covers. There is also a generic of Ritalin. Most health providers would probably fill the prescription using the generic but you may have to ask if a generic is available if they don't.
You understood the effect the Adderall has on me perfectly. It's never exactly the same on any two people but I've read that the sleepiness is fairly common, especially as it leaves your body. Nobody knows why but some people respond better to Adderall, some to Ritalin, and some to other medications that are available. The physician that prescribes it will start the dosage low, and slowly increase it until they think they have the amount right. If it is producing too many or to harsh of side effects they may adjust that dosage or may switch prescriptions to a different medication. Good luck to you both with whatever you try, and don't forget to look into therapy if it's any option for you. It can be very helpful. There are also support groups through organizations like CHADD or online at places like groups on Facebook as well as some excellent YouTube and TikTok channels for information.
Hi Shurashura, I understand you pain point, however the first part of my comment might seem a bit insensitive, but I really do not mean it that way (And the second part is going to be more "helpful" )
Firstly - "symptom of consequence is the desire to be free" ... This is a typical example of what I consider a non-symptom, that we interpret a symptom because how confused our society has become. Freedom is fundamentally based on doing what you want, exploring and being in flow. We managed to fool ourselves into thinking in terms "But freedom can also mean... "XYZ" - it can also mean having a stable job, mortgage and family life" ...
Yes, freedom can be EXPRESSED that way, but no single way of life is "freedom" itself, freedom is the quality existing between the lines of ways of life, that allows for any and all change within them.
With that said, I think that Ritalin could be an excelent short-term antidote to this abrupt need for freedom. Everyone probably reacts to it differently, but in my case, it definitely allowed me to be more focused on things I did not really want to do.
However, I still had the underlying belief, that this is "not it"... Ritalin allowed me to work my 9-5 and focus on other "menial" tasks (as far as I was concerned) without being unhappy about it, but I still knew,... I still wanted more. Ritalin does not cancel that... in fact, once the decision to go through with a change is made, Ritalin can fuel it as well... it does not discriminate, it makes the motivation game easier. So in the end, I still quit my job, I finished school as fast as possible and still started my coaching business... I just had an easier time tolerating the meantime
So if you would choose to think of it as a bet, where:
Winning=partner stays put /
Losing=partner goes "crazy free"
... then Ritalin is a double edged sword.
But - and here I get to the helpful part I hope - I would urge you to not view it that way... because no matter if you win or lose, you are losing a chance to have a deep and meaningful relationship with a person who is alive, happy and driven... and feels free, whatever that means to them.
What if instead you explored the possibility of achieving this notion of freedom together. Is there a vision you could both get behind and work towards? Supporting yourself along the way and forging a stronger relationship... while also achieving something you both want as a result? Perhaps it is not about You, so much as the role you play (your "persona") and the way you live right now... I find that to be the case almost allways.
This other approach is also kind of a bet... because if your partner feels like "exploring" other relationships is part of the process, then.. there would be no such way together. Or at least not right away. However, that should not be the case, if you are happy in the relationship and love each other as you describe... But in either case, this bet feels like the bet one has to take every day in every relationship, whether one wants to or not... so why not take on it intentionally?
I wish you the best of success and may your relationship endure and grow only stronger. And I hope this helped a bit...
I truly appreciate your approach to help me get to the very core of the situation. You are right. I should not just say "oh it happened entirely because of ADHD". It might be playing a part but still, I should realize and admit that her urge or interest is there regardless of ADHD.
looking back, I didn't act or react to her "nicely" (or the way that is considered more supportive to her)so far simply because I didn't know how her brain works. I took everything personally. But not now. I'm getting to know more about it and it's actually helping me to change, not her. But this will, I suppose, somehow affect our relationship in a way that further helps her to know about herself too
With your help, we dug deeper to find what she was not satisfied with and what she wanted to do. The conversation helped us a lot. I would say "we won the bet" maybe. Who knows but still, I'll give her more time to process her thoughts. I told her what I understand and what I'm more than happy to support with.
Very straight-to-the-point insights indeed. That being said, I never took yours as insensitive. Thank you so much!
Glad to hear that I dont want to end up on a cliche like "communication is key" or something, because while that is true, I have seen people take it too far as well (myself included), when there is so much communication and thinking, that there is no time left for action and living
So instead - I wanted to point out, that your reaction of taking it personally is absolutely understandable - Noone reacts perfectly (unless they are a litterall Zen master ) especially when it is unexpected and/or happens for the first time. However now that you know, dont let your guard down - this thinking (ie. "It is my fault, Im bad" / "She implies it is my fault, she is bad") will come back, it always does... because its Thought. Thoughts come and go as they please (ADHD or not) , so there is really no way to stop them. However the nice think about thought is... that it is still thought And if one does not buy into it, hold it tight and acts according to it... it has no power. Its best to notice such thought and let pass, without getting worked up either way.
And finally, yeah - I think this could be an opportunity as well, to get more out of life for yourself as well - and of course for your life together. Just take it easy - when things become too serious, its no fun... and when its no fun, nerves tend to snap, all the negative thoughts come rushing back and... that is even less fun.
For me and to my understanding a stimulant has a parabolic effect in a person with ADHD. A stimulant should calm her if she has ADHD. I had always gravitated to caffeine, before I was aware of my condition. Example I went to Starbucks and had 11 shots and went home and had a nap. Very counterintuitive, but effective. All the best and I hope your marriage stays intact.
Thank you for your comment. Your example is giving me a deeper understanding of what the brain craves. I'd like to know more about how it feels - does "gravitated" mean that 'you, without thinking, walk towards a coffee shop' or more like saying "I want it, I need it right now!" with the clear urge? Sorry if my question is vague.
No worries, Not vague. I knew I liked it and that it helped me to think better. Stimulants help to think more clearly. There are anti depressants that are also helpful. Bupropion known as Wellbutrin can help in that it increases dopamine to the brain which is often under supplied to people with ADHD. This lack of dopamine will sometimes promote impulsivity and create better focus.The stimulant also delivers a similar response. Many people including myself take both medications. Hope that helps feel free to ask additional questions if you wish
My advice would be to seek the opinion of a medical professional and perhaps a marriage counselor just to make sure you're narrowing it down to the right thing. That being said, her impulse to leave the relationship is pretty normal with people with ADHD. Once the novelty wears off or things become routine we can get agitated and feel the need to seek new sources of stimulation. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 9 years and I have definitely gone through phases of "i'm bored, should I pursue someone else?" They were exactly that though, phases. When I notice myself getting into that thought cycle I reflect on the things that are good about the relationship and they always outweigh the superficial want of something else.
With ADHD stimulant meds and how they work, think of a scale of 1-10 of functioning as a human. With ADHD we're at a 5 and Neurotypical people are at a 10 with no issues going about their daily lives and are otherwise acting normal. Once medication is taken ADHD people bump up to around 8-10 and are able to go about daily tasks with much more ease. If someone who doesn't need them takes them they go up to 12-14 and that's where you see the stereotype of *GET ALL THE THINGS DONE*
I hope that made sense.
I'm very happy to see that you guys are trying to work this out and get to the bottom of the matter, best of luck!
It all perfectly makes sense to me. Thank you so much for your reply
"When I notice myself getting into that thought cycle I reflect on the things that are good about the relationship and they always outweigh the superficial want of something else."
As for this very helpful mention, I have one question:
Did you take any training or seek help to gain the capacity to 'notice' that? Or is that something you 'know' naturally?
I don't want to be demanding to her but I'd be grateful if she is or will be clearly aware of when she is bored and when not. That being said, I asked her to say it loud when the next phase happens (Of course, I deeply understand that what I should do is not make this boredom happen with new hobbies and joyful activities) so that I can encourage her to hang out with her friends guilt-free or travel together. I'm wondering if this is the right thing to say to her. I hope it didn't sound like a demand that she should 'report' it to me every time it happens.
Hello shurashura,I understand your concern regarding how a stimulant might help or hurt a person is hyperactive. As you mentioned, stimulants augment the dopamine levels in the brain. If a person has ADHD, the medication-induced increase in dopamine levels should decrease the pleasure seeking activities. They effectively calm the mind of an ADHD adult. Hopefully, the impulsivity and disordered thinking become more controlled and orderly. It also helps gain control of the executive functioning.
Your concerns regarding her desire to leave the marriage will probably be best managed with counseling. Which is one of the first-line treatments for ADHD. Stimulant medications and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are both first-line treatments.
To summarize, I'd recommend verification of the ADHD diagnosis and any secondary diagnosis (depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc) with management by an experienced clinician. There is much more to the diagnosis, treatment and management of ADHD in adults, but the is the gist of the initial treatment plan. If you have more specific questions, let me know.
Ritalin is speed, if you have a normal brain. If you are truly ADHD, it has a calming effect. My wife took a Ritalin and said she felt like she drank a pot of coffee. She really didn't like it. I feel like that without Ritalin. I will never forget that first time. It was like a thick fog was lifted and I was able to see more clearly. I finally knew how everyone else felt.
I am not going to tell you that Ritalin will fix the relationship between you two, but helping her think more clearly is not likely to hurt. If someone needs help, withholding help out of fear seems cruel.
I want to preface I am not a medical professional and can only share my personal experience with taking a "stimulant". Since my brain doesn't produce enough dopamine taking a stimulant allows my brain to reach "normal" dopamine levels. The first time I took a stimulant (Adderall XR) I became calm, and the world seemed to slow down. If your wife has a diagnosis of ADHD and the doctors ruled out any other possible disorders it may help. Her increased "reason to be free" may be a symptom of "impulsiveness" due to seeking a dopamine fix. If your wife doesn't have ADHD and in fact may be presenting with bipolar disorder (manic) then a stimulant would make her behavior worse. I would discuss this with your doctor to make sure the behavior is a symptom of dopamine deficiency and not something else. I hope this helped.
I just started taking Adderall before bed..yes before bed! I am 69 and I was told my brainis opposite...I was so scared at first...but blown away! That would keep a normie up for 2 days...Try it...the only way to find out..dont wait til your 70
I have to take it to calm down. Our executive functioning in the frontal lobe needs to be awakened in order to do certain functions. That is what my Dr. said. just don't abuse it or your heart will be too stressed.
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Thank you for letting me know. Very good insights. Much appreciated! She really feels that she has ADHD after talking with her friend who has ADHD - Her explanation made so much sense to my wife. Also, in her family, there are multiple people with ADHD. 
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