How do you stop the incessant worrying? - CHADD's Adult ADH...

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How do you stop the incessant worrying?

winnifred1966 profile image
24 Replies

I have always said that I worry about anything and if I don't have something to worry about I will look for something...Lol

I am 54 and diagnosed about two months ago; am taking Vyvanse and finding it to be very helpful with my anger/frustration. I feel calmer and more in control, Unfortunately, I still do worry about stuff.

I am a team leader in daycare. I absolutely love my job working with toddlers; although my body isn't so sure. As someone with ADHD I don't have great interpersonal skills. This year has been extremely difficult with COVID which has caused many days of being understaffed. My coworkers are struggling, with behaviour issues (not there own...lol).

I have had to fight hard to get where I am because I wasn't thought of as leadership material; maybe I'm not, but I think I could be. So my worry issue right now is that my supervisor and my boss are going to suggest, again, that maybe I step out of the role. I know now that it's the ADHD that has kept me from reaching my potential and not me personally, but I fear rejection. I had a chat with my supervisor regarding some of the issues in the room and now I'm worried that it's going to come around and slap me hard.

Worrying is exhausting.

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winnifred1966
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24 Replies

Hi winnifred1966, don’t I know it! I am either overly worried or cavalier about things. My idea of what’s worth worrying about and what’s not isn’t very good, this is very common with ADHD. I’ll be 19 in a couple of months and I recently posted about my worry that my success was too good to be true. Honestly? Worrying never goes away, what helps me is writing. I tend to internalize things to extremes too. I do it even when I watch movies. I get very emotionally involved a lot. To the point where I don’t even want to watch it, I’ve learned to manage this. Guess that’s all you can do. Learn to manage it and talk to people and ask them if it’s worth worrying about. Good luck.

winnifred1966 profile image
winnifred1966 in reply to

Thanks for your thoughts, they’re much appreciated.

RollingThunder profile image
RollingThunder in reply to

Oh, Anne The best answer, “overly worried or cavalier” so true, so true!

The best solution, learn to manage it!

I have to admit with Television, I get too involved and take it personally a nd get upset 😡

Hey, I thought I was the only one to do that!

Hugs 🤗

in reply to RollingThunder

I thought I was the only one too!😊usually I have to wait until I’m in a better emotional state, if I’m gonna watch something. Or it has to leave Netflix, Amazon, prime etc. I watched A Walk to Remember quickly and didn’t have time to get emotionally involved because it was going to leave Netflix in a matter of hours.

F_RN_Dx_at_39 profile image
F_RN_Dx_at_39

I just started/ added Lexapro for anxiety, depression and work-related anxiety dreams. It's been really helpful.

Frankman profile image
Frankman

I have found that learning to meditate can help a lot. Let’s you step off the merry go round for a few minutes so you can take a deep breath

Alan0127 profile image
Alan0127

I’ve grown accustomed to the “inner critic” threatening me into worry. The ADHD drugs have allowed me to calm down enough inside to find the “inner advocate” inside of me. It is just as valid to expect an inner advocate as to believe there is an inner critic. I invented the critic, I can invent the advocate. The problem comes from the fact that we have been measured since birth. APGAR scores, development percentage scores from pediatricians, grades in school, political persuasions, etc. for me, it all came down to listening to my inner advocate say “This may go right, or it may go wrong but Alan, regardless, YOU are okay, YOU are alright, YOU don’t need to prove anything.

Some call this voice, “The Adult Self”, some call it God. Pick your pleasure, deep inside there is a part of you that remains, even after a lifetime of being bludgeoned by comparison, and calmly knows these encouraging words to be true.

rywoo profile image
rywoo in reply to Alan0127

Alan, this is fire ^ 👏

winnifred1966 profile image
winnifred1966

That is so true. For years I felt this need to prove myself, but I didn’t know why. Well, now I do know why and that feel of needing to prove myself is no longer a problem. Thank you for sharing.

rywoo profile image
rywoo

I don’t know if your a person of faith, but my faith in God has always been something I’ve latched on to when I become worried. Relying on God, has enabled me to escape the fight or flight worry that you seem to be quite self-aware of. Regardless of your personal beliefs, it’s important to remember that worry can be a result of the ADHD. Instead of using worry and self- criticism to motivate your behaviour, try developing a greater perspective for doing your best at work. For example, “I want to become a great leader here at the day-care, regardless of the title.” Try reframe things so your motivated internally, rather than by outcomes. Outcomes will never last, they’re always temporary one way or another, because of this, it’s difficult to sustain effort and follow through with your goals once you do achieve the outcomes, because ADHD will whisper, “hey... so, what’s next?...now what?”

winnifred1966 profile image
winnifred1966 in reply to rywoo

God has been my saving grace for many years. Thanks for reaching out😀

Mini-S8 profile image
Mini-S8

Hi Winnifred1966,

Thanks for your post and your honesty.

I’m really pleased for you that you have been diagnosed and also that you reached out on the group.

I am currently taking Methylphenidate stimulant meds to treat my ADHD and I agree it really helps with anger and frustration.

However - I do find that because it increases my focus and concentration - I can hyper focus on negative things or fears and worries. It can magnify my anxieties and just being aware of this has helped me to try to turn my focus to something else - multiple times a day.

Things that help me during the day:

- Deep breathing to calm nervous system (4 seconds in, hold for 7, 8 seconds out - repeat until calmer)

- Journalling/writing down my thoughts onto paper

- talking my worries out loud (to a friend or to myself)

- repeating “I am safe, I am loved, I am grounded”

- using calming essential oils throughout day

- exercising to calm nervous system and release stress

- praying to a higher power for strength to get through the day

I also take meds prescribed by my doctor for anxiety alongside my ADHD stimulants.

Also, it’s worth speaking to your doctor and monitoring symptoms on ADHD meds as not every med suits every person.

Regarding the fear of rejection - have you heard of RSD or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

It’s a real thing and it’s commonly experienced by people with ADHD. We can be super sensitive to any form of real or perceived rejection or criticism and it can hold us back if we are not aware of it or don’t have the tools to deal with it.

Be kind to yourself!

X

winnifred1966 profile image
winnifred1966 in reply to Mini-S8

Hi, thank you so much for your suggestions. The RSD that you speak of sounds interesting, I might just take a look.😀

IgnoranceWasNotBliss profile image
IgnoranceWasNotBliss in reply to Mini-S8

Have you tried an amphetamine based medication yet? Like Adderall or Vyvanse? If you haven’t and the methamphetamine is the only medication you’ve tried so far I would 100% recommended a change for you. You’re stimulant medication shouldn’t be causing you extra anxiety to the point of needing another medication to then handle the side effect of the medication. Not unless you tried multiple stimulants and this one was the best one. Don’t be worried about asking your doctor for a switch. 50% of people do much better on one or the other. The other 50% can do well on both.

I hope this helps.

Mini-S8 profile image
Mini-S8 in reply to IgnoranceWasNotBliss

I haven’t tried the other stimulant meds. How would I ask this? I didn’t know to try both. Thank you x

winnifred1966 profile image
winnifred1966 in reply to Mini-S8

My suggestion would be to talk with your doctor.

I feel as though all of us with ADHD learn at an extremely young age (too young to remember) that our mind never stops and needs to be put to use. So that’s exactly what we do. Some learned very young to stay busy with actions. I think they end up on the “hyperactive side”. Others, I think especially women, put their thoughts into overdrive. Since our minds have to always be doing something we may repeat things a lot (might look like OCD), we may over think pretty much all situation (might look anxiety, and certainly feels like it) or we constantly dwell on our short falls and compare constantly ourselves to others (may look like depression) or we may do all those things! However some can be more disruptive than others.

If there is one thing I’ve learn since being diagnosed it’s that the right medication, drastically quiets our mind! Like, DRASTICALLY! Without the need for my mind to constantly be running, those OCD, anxiety and depression like relentless words in my head, can all but disappear! Because all of those co-morbities don't exists if they don’t have to feed my ADHD need. Now, obviously these conditions can coexist but I think the key is to be sure your ADHD symptoms are “in check” first. Over thinking, creating thoughts to the point of anxiety, depression, obsession or insomnia, is not symptoms in check. I would highly recommend considering where your meds may be going wrong. Is it the type? The dose? Or do these thoughts only get out of control at night? If it’s only debilitating in the evening you may just need a booster for the end of the day. If it’s all day, you may need a higher dose or a different medication. But in my personal experience, too much anxiety left over is the running thoughts that we can’t quiet by ourselves. It either needs distraction (which can be hard for certain soft spots we may have, rejection definitely being one) or medication to help cut down the hyperactivity in our brain or a plan. If you can hatch a plan to fix the problem and then feel better, then your meds are probably fine, you just need to get a plan and actually follow through.

But if you add up all the problems, you likely need an increase. You still feel your lacking in interpersonal skills, you love your job and worked hard but are struggling to keep that job, it sounds like you know things are bad but you haven’t been able to make a plan or hatch it, it sounds like your anxious about being talked to and the confrontation, knowing it will possibly be a criticism, as well as the idea of a few different what if scenario. Some of those are totally normal for the average person but all added up I would say it’s still symptoms not being controlled well enough yet.

Your dr will know what to do. Tell them the areas of your life that are still disruptive. Your dr doesn’t want to see you loose a job you love because your ADHD is still getting the better of you.

My last medication increase was 2 months after being on my “optimal dose”. I made a list of things that started to pop back up. Things I struggled with before I was diagnosed.

My thoughts got busier and I started to cry every now an than again about small things or moments of feeling overwhelmed. I started wanting time TV on again while I surf my phone and search on my computer and eat chocolate. All at once 🤣

I hope this helps.

winnifred1966 profile image
winnifred1966 in reply to IgnoranceWasNotBliss

That was well said and well thought out. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. It has been very helpful.😀

IgnoranceWasNotBliss profile image
IgnoranceWasNotBliss in reply to winnifred1966

I’m happy to help. Good for you for having a job that you love. It makes all the difference when we actually enjoy something ☺️

Mini-S8 profile image
Mini-S8 in reply to IgnoranceWasNotBliss

Wow you really have just summed up my brain at the moment. I have been watching TV whilst eating chocolate and surfing my phone. I felt like this was just anxiety and the fact I have moved home recently and feeling a bit unsettled.

I’m already on a “high” dose of methylphenidate - I am on 54mg concerta then 10mg Ritalin in the eve for when it wears off - but I still feel like I’m very on edge and always need to be stimulated by outside things.

I’m so much better than I was pre-meds but I have no experience on being on anything but methylphenidate for my ADHD so I wonder if I need to try the other like you suggested.

I have a history of drug use and alcohol abuse - though I am now clean and sober for 22 months. This makes me worried about taking the other type of stimulant as I have read so much about people abusing it. This is obviously just the media focusing on that side of it and I know it helps so many people - but it does bring up fear in me so I haven’t thought about asking my doctor to even try it.

Thanks for sharing xxx

winnifred1966 profile image
winnifred1966 in reply to Mini-S8

Good for you!!! Getting sober couldn’t have been easy so congratulations!😀

Mini-S8 profile image
Mini-S8 in reply to winnifred1966

It wasn’t easy but it was necessary if I wanted to carry on living. I just existed while I was drinking and now I am living my life. Very grateful ❤️

IgnoranceWasNotBliss profile image
IgnoranceWasNotBliss in reply to Mini-S8

Congratulations!! What an accomplishment! Good for you. I can definitely see how this could make you feel a little uncomfortable about talking to your doctor. You don’t want them to think you’re asking for more and more. I think a lot of us with ADHD worry about annoying our doctors because it can be so hard to find someone to treat us. I got over that a little by reminding myself that the doctor wouldn’t have diagnosed me if they weren’t sure. It’s not a science experiment. It’s a clinical diagnosis that thankfully has a fast and relatively easy treatment. We’re no drug abusers. It can feel like that since society tells us our medication is addictive and is abused with the general public but we’re not the general public. I try to compare it to glasses. Is someone how needs glasses to see addicted to their glasses? No of course not! They need them to function. I remind myself of this all the time because there is a bit of a stigma. Even though there wouldn’t be.

Your doctor diagnosed you. Your doctor wouldn’t have done that unless they were sure of your diagnoses. Especially because of the laws! So you and the doctor are sure of your condition. The only thing left is management of the medication. That takes open communication. It REALLY helps to journal everyday what time you took your medication, what time is felt effective, why it felt effective (what you noticed positive and negative) and what time it felt like it wore off. It helps especially to look back and see what you’ve written. Things that the medication may have helped you with before, when you read back you may see it doesn’t help that thing anymore. Then be honest with your dr about what you’ve learned. It sounds like you’re dr has already been working great with you. You’re at 54mg with a booster. Boosters can be so helpful to finish out the day! Everytime your medication increases it’s good to take a little time to adjust and see how things work out. At least 1 month. It’s good that you realize that your current moving situation could be adding extra stresses. It likely is! It’s possible things could settle down. That’s also why waiting on a new doses is a good idea. Your symptoms may be kicking up because of all the changes.

However, it this anxiety symptom started with this medication, then yes I would still recommend talking to them about it maybe not being the right fit. I would start by asking your doctor if there was a particular reason they chose this medication for you. Some doctors have preconceived notions that certain medications work better for certain ADHD types. While I’m sure they’ve seen examples themselves, that still doesn’t make it a certainty. You can also tell your doctor about this group and about some of our personal experiences. I know many people here had a dramatic improvement in depression and anxiety symptoms with the right medication. You could just let your doctor know that you’re open to switching and trying if it means possibly better results. That’s of course it up to them but telling them that you’re willing to try is a good start. Also, Vyvanse, the newest of ADHD medications is being touted as the least “abusive” form of stimulant medication. That is amphetamine based, in a round about way. I’m sure your doctor knows that.

All and all it sounds like there a lot of change happening for you right now. Diagnoses, moving and probably some other things. It’s possible that you’re just in a state of change and flux and need some time to adjust to all the new norms. Regardless, being open with your doctor is very important.

You also mentioned this line “but I still feel like I’m very on edge and always need to be stimulated by outside things”. This is the exact thing you should mention to your doctor! You want to keep a close eye on that and if it starts to get worse or more uncomfortable be side to get that point across to your doctor sooner rather than later.

Congrats again on all the accomplishments! Things will be so much different now. Life doesn’t magically become the easiest thing ever but it certain becomes doable and tolerable with a diagnoses and medication.

I hope something here helps.

Mini-S8 profile image
Mini-S8 in reply to IgnoranceWasNotBliss

You have really helped me. Thanks for taking the time to reply and to give me some suggestions and have some understanding.

It can feel scary in this world as an ADHDer on meds that society judges you for taking. Thank God we have each other to talk to and to not be alone x

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