Once Upon A Time Pt. Five

[Yaakov2000BC]

After returning to the Midwest and back to public school needless to say it didn't work out. Back in my day when you didn't perform well in school a truant officer would visit your home. To many visits and you became a ward of the state. So this was the case with myself.

In juvenile now I was afraid of what this placed entailed. I didn't really know how I had got there, but I did deserve to be there. I was afraid of Boyschool. So when a man came around with a leather bound book and showing all these colorful pictures of a giant campus with kids smiling and etc I fell for it.

The man told me that I was not like the other boys. That they would tested me and that he thought I was very smart. It turns out that I still had a genius level intellect scratching around in my skull.

I was shipped to Glen Mills Schools and I was now the property of Mccordsville Pennsylvania and Big Bob from Pigknuckle Arkansas, John Tate, John Cooke, Will, Pat Doug De long and the Notorious Philly Eagle fan Scott. I was sent to Jackson Hall. The intensive care unit. There I had the clothes ripped from my body by staff. Punched. Kicked in the face with cleats for not making good grades, choked and beaten in a labor camp-military fashion for all social infractions. For spitting ont eh concrete ad not the grass. Spit in my face and the whole nine. This is the place that marred me for a very long time and still to this day.

There was no longer a concern for a "condition" at this point. In between the various points of this people reached out, but none of them knew how to help me. They were unfamiliar with what my condition characterized. So with me never being medicated...my medication, and boundaries became "fear and trauma induced learning" for my cognitive behaviors.

I became like a stray dog. I wandered. Loud noises frightened me greatly. Horrible night mares and hallucinations that started around seven years old had gotten exceedingly worst. Things that I thought were hypomania, or hyponagia. Voices and everything you could imagine of someone that had a nervous breakdown and lost their mind.

All throughout school, college and institutions I never got the opportunity to learn like I did in Community Prep. Over the years I had finally dumbed myself down to be accepted into the "Great Nothing". With years of trauma and no medication and not working with my condition to become habituated to the challenges of forward mobility in all its nuances...my genius was now a fairy tale. Optimism driven by countless idea, inventions and various "cadavers" of a potential that was long dead.

My sister from Rhode Island had continued to be there for me over the years in a financial way. Eventually she sponsored me to take a a psycho therapy class in NYC. It helped a great deal. My life is still a Egyptian ruin and the isolation has made me what I am. I am only a burden to the person of my live in care situation. She is the only family I have left. When she is gone all of this will be over and I don't know what I am going to do, but I do hope to face it mentally well, somehow converted, a Jew and with my faith in Hashem again somehow.